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AIBU?

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Original poster

For making dd16 move?

244 replies

Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:38

Long story short I can't afford to live where I currently do for much longer. DD is 16 and is just about to start college. Our options are to stay in same town in a really bad area (one where I would not feel safe living and that's honestly not an exaggeration) where the house is horrible and will be the top of my budget so i wouldnt be able to afford to do it up, or move 45 miles away and have a lovely house in a nice area. DD would rather live in bad area, I wouldn't. She won't even discuss moving away and when I tried to explain my reasons yesterday she stormed off and it ended in an argument and now we're barely speaking. I understand her point but I just don't want to live in any of the options available to us in this town.

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 15/08/2025 08:41

She'll be nervous/worried/anxious about GCSE results next week and starting college and her new course.

Is this a hypothetical move or have you found a house?
What are the college options if you move? It wouldn't seem fair to move her mid course as that could be highly disruptive.

The time to move really would have been from end June - end August.

BMW6 · 15/08/2025 08:42

You're the one paying for it all so of course YOU decide where!

VaseofViolets · 15/08/2025 08:42

Adults who pay the bills make these decisions, not children. It’s a shame she’s not happy with the options, but she’ll have to deal with it I’m afraid.

TeenToTwenties · 15/08/2025 08:43

If you have to move then she could start college in new area and commute so college isn't disrupted.

Explain you have to, where you are now is unaffordable.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 15/08/2025 08:43

Have you been discussing this for some time or have you just dropped this on her a few weeks before she starts college? Is there a good college solution where you are planning to move to? More context needed.

LifeOfAShowGirl · 15/08/2025 08:44

It’s likely just a very, very bad time to bring it up.

She’s going to be anxious about GCSE results and starting college. Is she going to college with a load of her school friends?

Original poster
Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:45

TeenToTwenties · 15/08/2025 08:41

She'll be nervous/worried/anxious about GCSE results next week and starting college and her new course.

Is this a hypothetical move or have you found a house?
What are the college options if you move? It wouldn't seem fair to move her mid course as that could be highly disruptive.

The time to move really would have been from end June - end August.

The college course is 3 days per week, I've said I'll buy a house near the station so she can commute back if she doesn't want to change course. Our house isn't on the market yet but will be soon. I would have preferred to do it in the school holidays naturally but due to various different reasons it's happened now.

OP posts:
youalright · 15/08/2025 08:46

I mean you've picked the shittest time ever to announce this. Surely she has her place at college and its all planned for her to start in a couple of weeks

TraintoManifeStation · 15/08/2025 08:46

I wouldn’t move her at this point.

I’d find a house in the ‘bad’ area. I used to live in the rough part of my town and it was fine. More police presence and quick response times to quell any issues (lived opposite a pub).

Original poster
Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:47

Just to add, she has known for the last 4 years this was the plan and was fine about it until recently which coincides with her getting a boyfriend! She swears blind it's nothing to do with him though...

OP posts:
youalright · 15/08/2025 08:47

Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:45

The college course is 3 days per week, I've said I'll buy a house near the station so she can commute back if she doesn't want to change course. Our house isn't on the market yet but will be soon. I would have preferred to do it in the school holidays naturally but due to various different reasons it's happened now.

Show quote history

Have you actually looked at train times to check that this is a viable option.

LifeOfAShowGirl · 15/08/2025 08:48

Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:47

Just to add, she has known for the last 4 years this was the plan and was fine about it until recently which coincides with her getting a boyfriend! She swears blind it's nothing to do with him though...

Of course it’s to do with him. And her results and her move to college. This is really the worst time to do it.

Whatshesaid96 · 15/08/2025 08:49

At 16 I'd acknowledge her feelings. She might be anxious about travel or not being near her friends. Possibly explain that you'll be happy to drive her home late at night for example. I would also actually treat her maturely at this point if she'll listen. Perhaps show her your income and outgoings and show her how much you'll have if you move and if you stay what you'll have to cut back on. For example you move away she can have more of an allowance (where budget permits) and if you were to stay she'd get less. Basically work towards where her motivations lie I.e social life, getting a part time job, hanging out at a favourite place or her hobbies etc.

MamaElephantMama · 15/08/2025 08:49

I think my DD would have a similar reaction at first but she would likely come around to the idea, especially after looking at new houses.

Mine will be travelling an hour to college in September so 45 minutes doesn’t seem to unreasonable.

You have to do what you have to do unfortunately sometimes whether they are keen or not.

Original poster
Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:49

youalright · 15/08/2025 08:46

I mean you've picked the shittest time ever to announce this. Surely she has her place at college and its all planned for her to start in a couple of weeks

She will be starting college here as planned and will be staying for the whole 2 years, it's only the travel and time to get there there that will change.
I agree it is a shit time but I'm at the point of not being able to pay the mortgage for much longer

OP posts:
BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 15/08/2025 08:50

Could you rent in your current town just while she is at college rather than buying somewhere else? By the time the sale goes through she may be halfway through her course anyway with the current market.

Original poster
Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:50

youalright · 15/08/2025 08:47

Have you actually looked at train times to check that this is a viable option.

Show quote history

Of course, that was the first thing I did.

OP posts:
youalright · 15/08/2025 08:54

Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:50

Of course, that was the first thing I did.

Show quote history

Will you be willing to drive her back and forth to her boyfriends so she can still see him. You need to make it very appealing for her and show how it wont significantly impact her life

Ponoka7 · 15/08/2025 08:55

How long will her commute be? It will be to do with the boyfriend. The danger is that she stays hanging around the areas you deem too unsafe to live in. It sounds as though you don't have a choice, unless she could get work and help out? If you don't have a choice then the discussions have to stop and you just need to explain why the move has to happen.

Original poster
Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:55

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 15/08/2025 08:50

Could you rent in your current town just while she is at college rather than buying somewhere else? By the time the sale goes through she may be halfway through her course anyway with the current market.

No, it's too expensive, the reason I have to move is because I can't afford the mortgage on my house anymore and rent here is double that of a mortgage.

OP posts:
Doglamp · 15/08/2025 08:56

MamaElephantMama · 15/08/2025 08:49

I think my DD would have a similar reaction at first but she would likely come around to the idea, especially after looking at new houses.

Mine will be travelling an hour to college in September so 45 minutes doesn’t seem to unreasonable.

You have to do what you have to do unfortunately sometimes whether they are keen or not.

It’s 45 miles not 45 minutes.
Personally I wouldn’t move my dd at this age. If she’s happy with the shit house in the shit area I’d go with that until she’s finished college.

DeafLeppard · 15/08/2025 08:56

Is it worth a conversation here or on someplace like Moneysavingexpert to explore all the ways you might be able to stay where you are? I think the timing is monumentally shitty for your DD, tbh.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 15/08/2025 08:57

I mean, if you have to do it, you have to do it, but come on - imagine how you’d feel if you were age and being forced to move house.

Original poster
Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:57

youalright · 15/08/2025 08:54

Will you be willing to drive her back and forth to her boyfriends so she can still see him. You need to make it very appealing for her and show how it wont significantly impact her life

Show quote history

Absolutely! And I've said I'll buy her a season ticket so so can come and go as she pleases. I've told her I'll do everything possible to make her life the best I can. I've also explained how I'll actually have money so we can have a nicer life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarasmum444 · 15/08/2025 08:58

DeafLeppard · 15/08/2025 08:56

Is it worth a conversation here or on someplace like Moneysavingexpert to explore all the ways you might be able to stay where you are? I think the timing is monumentally shitty for your DD, tbh.

I've done all that believe me...

OP posts: