For making dd16 move?

[Clarasmum444]

Long story short I can't afford to live where I currently do for much longer. DD is 16 and is just about to start college. Our options are to stay in same town in a really bad area (one where I would not feel safe living and that's honestly not an exaggeration) where the house is horrible and will be the top of my budget so i wouldnt be able to afford to do it up, or move 45 miles away and have a lovely house in a nice area. DD would rather live in bad area, I wouldn't. She won't even discuss moving away and when I tried to explain my reasons yesterday she stormed off and it ended in an argument and now we're barely speaking. I understand her point but I just don't want to live in any of the options available to us in this town.

Yes she did, specifically at 8.49.

What did you think "I can't afford to live where I currently do for much longer" meant?

Perhaps not but the very first sentence of the very first post is she can't afford to live where she lives anymore. Why would you assume that she could stay? Even in the area?

Because she literally talks about a house in the area she could get, but thinks is unsafe? So that is why I would assume something was possible.
i think it's a shame the dd didn't know this before applying to college. She might just need time to get used to it.
greater shame that her dad is being an uncaring deadbeat.

Transferring mid-A levels can be very tricky. Of course your own research locally may override this but here, even if the exam boards match, different colleges will often cover topics in a different order etc and coursework timings can vary a lot. DD's college and the 3 closest others all give a flat "no" to in-year or start of Y13 transfer requests.

However restarting Y12 elsewhere should be very straightforward, plus she could tweak her choices and find it easier to make friends. The trouble is 16/17 year olds tend to loathe the idea of getting a year "behind". It's worth decatastrophising it if you can.

The DD has known for four years (OP post 08:47)

Ah ok I've just noticed the boyfriend though! That will change things

OP if you’ve been paying the mortgage alone for 10yrs how is your ex entitled to 50% of the equity? How long have you had the mortgage for?
wouldnt he be entiled to 50% of the equity of the value of when he moved out and stopped financially contributing? Was there some agreement when you split up as to how this would work?

We weren't married which changes everything sadly for me. I am getting legal advice though, I have an appointment soon.

Is there any compromise at all? Like buy a house where you want to live eventually, rent it out, and rent a much smaller flat where you live now for the duration of her college course? Or just rent a small flat where you are for a couple of years then buy (when you're not in a chain)

Can you change your mortgage to interest only?

Why? So she can continue to throw money away?

Honestly.

No, I wouldn't pass the income checks for both and I could never risk having tenants that missed even payment. Also rent is more expensive than a mortgage here.

definitely see a solicitor, if you have made greater contributions (sounds as though you have if you are solely paying the mortgage) you may be entitled to more than 50%

I've moved loads in my life. The move at 16 was the worst by far, devastating. I knew it was going to happen though (diplomatic station), so expect your daughter to not be happy. That said, 2 months down the line and I was largely over it and that was moving continents. Not 45 mins away. Do what's right for you both, you are the adult.

Well if it’s decided and you’ve explored all options then it’s happening. But it’s really shit for your dd.

You can’t expect her to be happy about it or make you feel better about it as an adult would. She’s 16 so isn’t hiding how rubbish this is.

You just have to make it as good as possible and don’t try to guilt her into pretending she’s happy when she’s not.

It's also important to bear in mind that the housing market can change considerably in 2 years. By that time prices in the nice area might be completely out of your reach. The prices in the run-down area might decrease and you'd be stuck with negative equity. You just can't rely on a hypothetical situation 2 years from now. You need to make sensible decisions now. If that means moving, then that's what you have to do.

I also agree that you have to think about your own longer term now that your DD is approaching adulthood. There's only so much parents should be expected to sacrifice.

It’s your decision, not hers.