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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I’m not a nice person?

819 replies

He1h · 14/08/2025 19:25

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

OP posts:
Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:27

Such bizarre examples OP

very peculiar

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:28

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

presumably you do at a zebra crossing

MrsTWH · 14/08/2025 19:29

Have you considered that lacking so much empathy could indicate sociopathy? Particularly the not stopping at pedestrian crossings!

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 14/08/2025 19:29

Perhaps you feel no one ever showed kindness to you.

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:29

How come the name change to start the thread OP? 😆

Beachwaves45 · 14/08/2025 19:29

You clearly are unable to feel compassion, but it not even attempt to slow down when people are crossing the road is especially worrying, I suggest you get some help before you hurt someone.

He1h · 14/08/2025 19:30

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:28

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

presumably you do at a zebra crossing

@Othersnotsomuch yes 😅

OP posts:
He1h · 14/08/2025 19:30

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:29

How come the name change to start the thread OP? 😆

@Othersnotsomuch i’m embarrassed by it I guess!

OP posts:
Jackiepumpkinhead · 14/08/2025 19:31

You sound a bit psychopathic to be honest.

Enigma53 · 14/08/2025 19:31

You are being mean to the wheel chair user, who needs access to a toilet; sorry!!!

He1h · 14/08/2025 19:31

MrsTWH · 14/08/2025 19:29

Have you considered that lacking so much empathy could indicate sociopathy? Particularly the not stopping at pedestrian crossings!

@MrsTWH I would stop at a pedestrian crossing!!!!

OP posts:
He1h · 14/08/2025 19:31

Jackiepumpkinhead · 14/08/2025 19:31

You sound a bit psychopathic to be honest.

@Jackiepumpkinhead yep I have wondered this :(

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 14/08/2025 19:32

Would you put your dirty shoes on a train/bus seat or your friend’s sofa and not care?

He1h · 14/08/2025 19:32

Enigma53 · 14/08/2025 19:31

You are being mean to the wheel chair user, who needs access to a toilet; sorry!!!

@Enigma53 if there was alternative baby changing I would use that though

OP posts:
Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:32

He1h · 14/08/2025 19:30

@Othersnotsomuch i’m embarrassed by it I guess!

Too right

The threads just a bit attention seeking really

odd

YesHonestly · 14/08/2025 19:32

I didn’t care much until I got to the part where you deliberately rush past a wheelchair user to get to the disabled toilet before them.

That is vile.

He1h · 14/08/2025 19:32

LoveWine123 · 14/08/2025 19:32

Would you put your dirty shoes on a train/bus seat or your friend’s sofa and not care?

@LoveWine123 I have put my shoes on trains but wouldn’t with a friend, I would be extremely polite in their home

OP posts:
MounjaroBingo · 14/08/2025 19:33

I actually agree. You don’t sound very nice.

Enigma53 · 14/08/2025 19:33

Yep, using that wheelchair user example, makes you a selfish cow tbh!

LoveWine123 · 14/08/2025 19:33

I think the examples you have given indicate entitlement and selfishness.

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 14/08/2025 19:33

A lot of that does indicate that you're not a very nice person at all.

Are you going to do anything about it, or just carry on as you are?

Bathingforest · 14/08/2025 19:33

These examples aren't much of an explanation. Unless you are actively rude in the face of disabled people or evil while snatching other kids toys ...snails and spiders..hmm.

hereismydog · 14/08/2025 19:33

Would you care if the person walked out in the road and you hit them, given you had seen the hazard and chosen to ignore it? Presumably you’d stop if you did hit someone, but what would you actually feel if you hit them?

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:33

He1h · 14/08/2025 19:32

@LoveWine123 I have put my shoes on trains but wouldn’t with a friend, I would be extremely polite in their home

You’re an inconsiderate twat op

as for whether you’re nice or not… 🤷‍♀️

He1h · 14/08/2025 19:33

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:32

Too right

The threads just a bit attention seeking really

odd

@Othersnotsomuch maybe that’s another one to add to the list then! I’ve just been reflecting on it today as I often feel like I’m very self focussed. I don’t WANT to be that way but it’s my instinctive response to things and I’m not sure why

OP posts: