To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

Can I just take a minute to say that your post actually makes you come across as far worse than anything that op admitted to in their original post.

Yes.

You sound very unpleasant. Google "7 traits of a psychopath". My son's ex is very much like that, too.

Yes you may and I will disagree with you.

I bet you do!

Great response

I am very interested in your reply. Unusual to have someone be so honest but could you give us some examples of what you do and don’t care about please ?

Yes, your behaviour borders on the psychotic, but you can be a better human being. The fact that you are posting it here means you know it too. Kindness costs nothing; you’ll feel better for it and it will be repaid to you ten fold. Try it.

THere is a book written by a sociopath which I read the first few pages of standing on the book shop (WHSmiths at a service station - so probably on on a top 10 seller list so I imagine its easy to find). By Patric Gagne or something. It looked really interesting - I suggest you have a look. As far as I understand, a scoiopath is someone who doesn't or at least doesn't easily access social emotions like empathy or remorse, which sounds like what you might be experiencing. It might be really helpful for you to look at this book.

My husband is disabled,I wouldn't stand for that neither I guess many other people will.that plus the cross crossing is unacceptable behaviour

Perhaps you should stop with the amateur psychology too!! I said 'possibly', and asked the OP their opinion. You made assumptions...

If she was a sociopath she wouldn’t give a monkeys about it. People appear to have missed that part. She’s not showing aggression, she’s being more in considerate than she used to be. To be fair she sounds like most men. She sounds like an emotionally numb woman who has given up a bit. I’d also take a hard look at neurodivergence. Overwhelm and burnout can look a lot like a lack of empathy. This isn’t a horrible woman. If she was she wouldn’t bloody be posting on Mumsnet reflecting!

I agree with the above. You are self centered thinking that your problems are the only ones worth your time. Not letting someone cross the road is just stupid.it is not going to disadvantage you significantly and you have no right to grumble if you find yourself in same position. It cost nothing to make someone's day a little better.

You sound quite selfish and narcissistic. I don’t know if you can change but it would be good to think you could. We’re all selfish to a point but most of us have a conscience. You have that, you recognise it, so work to change.

This

Try reading the book sociopath by patric gagne... i myself dont have any of the issues you describe but immediately made me think of this book. It might be relatable to you and help or if not its just a really interesting read x

Actually I sort of understand you. I’m very empathetic although after years of being trodden down and taken advantage of I’m getting bitter in my older age (61) my patience had def gone down and although I’m kind , I’m more aware of people wanting to take advantage of me and always err on the side of caution these days . I do find myself being more selfish and putting my self above others. I think a lot of what life throws at us can make us change personalities. Maybe this is a way of you protecting yourself and putting a guard up against what’s happened to you in the past . Maybe not , but I’ve got a feeling I’m not far from the truth.

Yes I completely comprehend the putting a guard up to protect oneself

Apologies - only just seen this response. I have been doing psychodynamic therapy for about 18 months now, and have seen a massive shift in the levels of compassion I experience especially in the last few months - for myself as well as for other people. It has made me a vastly better parent too