To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

I read this book on holiday a few weeks ago, it’s a great read, maybe see if any of it resonates OP?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1529094895/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0

Stick with one child op

What do you want from this thread? Did you just want people to say ‘aww, you can’t help it’, and take it as permission to carry on as you are?

Or you want people to agree that you are unpleasant to shock you into changing how you act? It’s true that you can’t help how you feel, but you are always in control of how you behave.

It sounds as if your light has dimmed a bit. I think a lot of women feel very belittled and like the world isn’t kind to them and therefore they become a bit hardened. People who don’t show kindness often feel very disconnected from others. The wheelchair one is particularly worrying. Do you realise for some disabled people having to wait for the loo could mean they soil themselves in public? How embarrassing that would be? Perhaps you’ve just not thought that one through.

@edwinbear I have actually read that! Thank you for the link though

The fact that you created this post says a lot more about you than the content within. Yawn, grow up!

Judging by life experiences OP, you're far from the only person who puts their interests above others. I frequently used to see people pretend not to see parents and small children waiting to cross the road during the school run, and as for worrying about a snail, there are a lot of gardeners doing far more harm to them than you. If society as a whole cared as much about others' needs more than their own, we'd all be recycling, all domesticated and farm animals would live a wonderful life, everyone would be able to afford a good standard of living and everything would be proactively accessible. There are things on your list I would not do myself (run in front of someone clearly desperate for the loo to change a nappy... I imagine even you would feel incredible guilt if you then saw the person you'd made wait had wet themselves). Perhaps you don't relate to things unless you've connected to the person, experience or consequence.. for example, if you didn't have or didn't bond to a pet, you may not be able to imagine being upset by the death of a pet.

You like the typical entitled drama queen

I think the OP was imagining a chrous of “yes!! I’m with you Op. Right on!””

Clearly, the OP misjudged

Up to the disabled bathroom bit I could see your point of view.

At that point you just come over as a selfish entitled bi**h.

Feel better now?

There seem to have been a few of these "Am I a really crap human being?" (to which the only possible answer is yes) threads around recently.

It's interesting that you think this is a change in your behaviour. I went through a selfish phase as well - I think now I was sort of stuck in survival mode for various reasons, and as life got better, I got nicer again. Also the environment I lived in was very dog-eat-dog and I think that influenced me.

Most are your examples aren't that bad and are things I took don't give a shit about but pretend to for politeness. No ones harmed by them though.

But when you progress on to actively disadvantaging someone, eg the disabled toilet or crossing the road - it's getting a bit odd. Your child won't suffer if they have to wait 5 mins for a clean nappy but that 5 mins might be a huge problem for someone with a disability.

How is your life in general right now?

Too bad

I wonder if anyone close to the OP has pulled her up on this IRL, or if she can conveniently manage to act like a decent person when there is someone around who might have something to say about it.

My mother is in a wheelchair and FYI it takes her a LOT longer to get off the chair to use the toilet than it does your child. She needs the space AND the time. Poor woman already tries to go to the bathroom at the slightest feeling she needs to go since it takes a while to get safely situated, now you are going to purposely cut her off? You are a psychopath.

I come across entitled twats like you regularly as I use mobility aids and cannot move quickly enough for your liking. It is disgusting behaviour and saddens me greatly

You do not teach her to behave with decency, literally the opposite.

I agree with you about over 18s birthdays and gender reveals.

But can’t agree with any of the others.

Well yes, not nice is as not nice does. You are not nice. I don’t suppose you care much.

I was with you until the wheelchair user and the pet (although 3 weeks of devastation seems a bit too much)
But otherwise yeah I'm the same. When people talk about their trauma I can't help but think "alright but I really don't care"

I've just finished reading this and highly recommend it! I still feel unnerved by the thought of sociopaths but I think I have a slightly better understanding about why they act as they do.

Maybe you are a sociopath?

Christ on a bike OP. If this is real then I really would look at seeking some kind of help.

A couple of these examples are pretty bad!

Do terrible people spend time ruminating over the fact that they’re a bad person, though? Or do they not care? I think the fact you are pondering this at all suggests part of you wants to be a better person.

I think society is becoming more selfish and self absorbed generally. A lot more people are unapologetically like this and there’s less social pressure to be a good person as community erodes and any sense of shared values or common life is replaced by late capitalist individualistic selfishness.

largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else

I mean everyone cares more about their own family than strangers but to not care at all is not great. And why this country is a lot less pleasant to live in than even 5 years ago.

You sound staggeringly selfish, but starting this thread is a bit contradictory because psychopaths/sociopaths don’t tend to give two shits if they’re a horrible person, or even have the self awareness to acknowledge it, so the very fact you’ve started this thread and name changed out of embarrassment suggests you are aware and care to a certain degree. Have you asked yourself why you are this way, and do you think it’s changeable? Would you want to change it? If not, why the thread? Are you looking for validation?

I tried to read it but found the writer insufferable so I gave up after 20 pages.

Its very much me me me me