To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

Kind of with you until the last two examples which I can't relate to at all. That's seems rather strange.

@hereismydog I never said I pushed past someone who was waiting their turn?!

You seriously don’t give a shit that you have children in the car watching you never stop for anyone even elderly wanting to cross, darting in to the disable toilets, putting your shoes on train seats?

OP, you clearly lack empathy. Has it always been like this? To be fair though, I too have no interest in gender reveal parties and birthdays. But I do feel natural empathy for people and animals.

Maybe a therapy could help you to understand why you are the way you are?

I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

What. A. Twat.

I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in

Shall we add gaslighting to your list of undesirable personality traits?

You just sound incredibly immature and selfish, but this thread won’t make a difference you will continue to be selfish pushing past wheelchair users or other selfish behaviour.

I don't think it sounds that bad. I think the not stopping for pedestrians has been misunderstood, do you just mean if people are waiting at the side of the road you wouldn't stop to let them cross? Not that you wouldn't stop at a zebra crossing or if they were already in the road?
You prioritise your toddler being clean over a disabled stranger using the toilet. Not great but your prioritising your child so not the worst thing someone can do.
The other examples are nothing unusual.

It worries me that you’ve actually got your own kids,
I wouldn’t want your traits to be passed on personally and certainly wouldn’t be proud.

How do you expect you’ll feel if your children turn out to be like you? Which is quite likely as they will observe you and may end up thinking that your extreme selfishness is normal. Maybe you’ll end up as one of those lonely old ladies whose children rarely if ever visit…

@chiffontalks when I was younger, at school and university i was definitely empathetic. I am not sure what happened but it’s just deteriorated in the last 15 years. I don’t really feel much

How would you feel if your child grows up to be like you?

@Othersnotsomuch yes and then we wonder why bullies at school act the way they do - with parents like this no doubt.

Nope this barging past the wheelchair user, had bugged me! Your DD can wait. Have you ever been wheel chair bound and needed the toilet when out? I haven’t, but I imagine it is tough, when twats like YOU push past!!!!!!

@Enrichetta i would never say to DD it was ok to push in a queue or anything like that. I teach her to be polite and kind to others. I understand he seeing me rush past someone who seems to be heading to loo is a dick move but I teach her to behave with decency. I always know what the right thing is to do but can’t always do it

all normal apart from the pet dying and wheel chair user. Those are a bit 🙄

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD

This one is really not nice. I will be honest and say I would judge you for that. It is a double insult to jump the line and to inappropriately use designated facilties for those with disabilities; but to rush past someone who may have continence issues/urgency issues/physical impairment meaning it takes them longer to access the toilet as well with no viable alternative for them is a pretty crap thing to do.

Maybe stop doing this one first.

Why not just be nice? I face so much entitlement and rudeness from people at work and I always wonder why they don’t realise life is nicer when you’re nice!

OP how do you feel when your child is sick or upset?

Me by comparison:

Stepping on snails etc – same

Pet dying – you’re the arsehole

Adult birthdays – same

Gender reveals – same, but I will be polite about it.

Other people’s crying children – same

Road crossing – you’re the arsehole

Disabled toilets – you’re the arsehole

But your not teaching her to behave with decency, you're teaching her to behave like you do.
Do you want your DD growing up to be a spiteful, heartless arsehole like you?

@Sugargliderwombat i would drop everything and take care of them but I do struggle with patience and I can feel irritated though I don’t express that.

You realise kids copy what they see, not what they hear? You’re her mum so if she see’s you doing something then that’s something she see’s as okay and normal.

It’s really not good enough when you have a child who is learning how to be a human and interact with the world by watching you- be better.

So you’re going to undergo a seismic shift in your behaviour as your toddler grows older?

Not put your feet on train seats? Stop if you see an elderly person trying to cross the road? Not to do crap like rush past wheelchair users not giving a fig about their needs?

I’m very lacking in concern for others and their petty problems too. Most people are the same others just hide it better