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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

596 replies

BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:22

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 14/08/2025 16:24

Outrageous behavior from the man. I worry for his wife. At least she can see now what is obvious to other people. I hope she's safe.

Well done, you.

PauliesWalnuts · 14/08/2025 16:25

Well done for standing your ground - you did absolutely the right thing.

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/08/2025 16:26

Unless you owned the table it's not your choice who sits there. A case of two overly entitled heads butting, methinks.

blacksax · 14/08/2025 16:26

Really? Some people are just unbelievable, aren't they?

tequilam0ckingbird · 14/08/2025 16:30

They are unreasonable for arguing and causing a scene, but you are unreasonable for expecting a table of 4 to yourself at a busy market place. If you want a table to yourself you should go at a quieter time.

ComeTheMoment · 14/08/2025 16:31

No but the OP was there first. The man/group of three could have been more gracious.

MounjaroMounjaro · 14/08/2025 16:32

He was really rude, but you are just one person at a four-person table, so could expect three others to sit there. Were there other empty tables?

RaraRachael · 14/08/2025 16:32

He was rude but I don't understand why it was OK for 2 other people to join you but not 3 - it was a table for 4

DDivaStar · 14/08/2025 16:32

You have no right over the other seats at the table. The man shouldn't have caused a scene but you can't expect to have empty seats at your table in a busy cafe.

BallerinaRadio · 14/08/2025 16:33

If there was space for a third person to sit at the table (the rudeness that followed aside) I'm not really sure what the issue was. It's a seat to be sat on.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 14/08/2025 16:33

Sometimes this place feels like a parallel universe. You didn't own the table and its not for you to dictate who can sit at the table.

Lovelynames123 · 14/08/2025 16:33

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/08/2025 16:26

Unless you owned the table it's not your choice who sits there. A case of two overly entitled heads butting, methinks.

It's very much a social norm that you don't help yourself to a table someone else is sitting at without asking, your response is weird!

BallerinaRadio · 14/08/2025 16:34

Also how is 'letting' someone sit at a public table in any way doing them a favour?! 😂

BallerinaRadio · 14/08/2025 16:35

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WannabeEDIOfficer · 14/08/2025 16:36

YANBU. Two people have a conversation next to you, feels more manageable compared with 3 people talking around you.

Some responses here are odd. You generally reserve a table in this sort of place, not a single chair.

Original poster
BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:36

Lovelynames123 · 14/08/2025 16:33

It's very much a social norm that you don't help yourself to a table someone else is sitting at without asking, your response is weird!

Show quote history

Yep, never in my life (well traveled and lived in multiple places) have I experienced it it be ok for anyone to sit at at a table which is occupied by another person. I don’t think anyone saying otherwise would feel comfortable with random people sitting at their table with them whilst they were eating irrespective of it being a table for four.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/08/2025 16:36

You were on your own, sitting at a table for four. It's unreasonable to police who takes the other three seats. You sound as confrontational as he was and I don't see why you should expect privileges because you're a woman.

Original poster
BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:37

BallerinaRadio · 14/08/2025 16:34

Also how is 'letting' someone sit at a public table in any way doing them a favour?! 😂

Because I’m occupying that table whilst I eat and they have no where to sit … so yes it’s a favour.

OP posts:
Bicnod · 14/08/2025 16:37

If there were no other free tables I would have asked politely to sit there with the full expectation that the answer would be yes.

You really can't expect to commandeer a table for four when you are on your own and other people have nowhere to sit.

He was unreasonable for the way he handled it but you were unreasonable first...

ilovesooty · 14/08/2025 16:38

Bicnod · 14/08/2025 16:37

If there were no other free tables I would have asked politely to sit there with the full expectation that the answer would be yes.

You really can't expect to commandeer a table for four when you are on your own and other people have nowhere to sit.

He was unreasonable for the way he handled it but you were unreasonable first...

That's how I saw it too.

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/08/2025 16:38

Lovelynames123 · 14/08/2025 16:33

It's very much a social norm that you don't help yourself to a table someone else is sitting at without asking, your response is weird!

Show quote history

Yes, you ask (out of politeness to ensure there's no one else about to join the lone person sitting at a table for four) and then you sit down.

Boomer55 · 14/08/2025 16:39

Tables in public aren’t owned by anyone. 🤷‍♀️

Moveoverdarlin · 14/08/2025 16:39

You weren’t doing them a favour though. Who put you in charge? You are one person sat at a table for 4. You had no problem with two joining you but not three?? Not your decision.

Whilst he sounds an obnoxious asshole and his delivery was rude, I think he was right and you were wrong. Who are you to ask them to move?

HowToTrainYourDragonfruit · 14/08/2025 16:39

When the market is busy one person can't keep a table for 4 I'm afraid. There were three spaces so a group of 3 could sit there. It is a bit annoying but if there were not three spaces together elsewhere I don't think you get to tell them they can't use the table.

I understand that you thought 2 people wss OK but not 3, but there isn't really much you can do other than saying "oh dear'to yourself internally. The thing that's weird is you sort of policing the table and telling them they can sit there and then "revoking your permssion" - it isnt up to you really and it feels rather officious.

The thing I would object to is that they hadn't got their food yet, but were sitting down -that's a bit rubbish as there might have been people with food purchased already, waiting. But again, that doesn't affect OP, because she already had a place.

I wasn't there so they might have had a nasty bloky vibe and not been polite, but I feel like it was OP being U - sorry!

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/08/2025 16:40

BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:36

Yep, never in my life (well traveled and lived in multiple places) have I experienced it it be ok for anyone to sit at at a table which is occupied by another person. I don’t think anyone saying otherwise would feel comfortable with random people sitting at their table with them whilst they were eating irrespective of it being a table for four.

Show quote history

Guessing you've never been to a busy food court at lunchtime in your well travelled life.