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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

596 replies

BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:22

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 14/08/2025 16:41

Seats are fair game at those sorts of places. They were polite enough to ask, but you never actually had the right to object.

AdayinDecember · 14/08/2025 16:42

Of course you have to let other people sit down when you are on a table in a cafe and there are spare seats. You don't own that table or have any right to the other chairs. If you don't like it it is on you to move. "I was here first" means nothing unless someone is actually trying to ake the seat you are sitting on

LastKnownSurvivor · 14/08/2025 16:45

It really depends on the accepted norm for that venue. In some places, e.g. food court type places, it is normal to share a table - less so in an enclosed cafe, not at all in a restaurant.

Original poster
BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:47

WannabeEDIOfficer · 14/08/2025 16:36

YANBU. Two people have a conversation next to you, feels more manageable compared with 3 people talking around you.

Some responses here are odd. You generally reserve a table in this sort of place, not a single chair.

Yes precisely. Had he not been so hostile off the bat when I queried it I may have let them sit finished and left but it’s the rudeness/entitled behaviour to follow. I’m glad I stood my ground.

OP posts:
Mumof2heroes · 14/08/2025 16:49

tequilam0ckingbird · 14/08/2025 16:30

They are unreasonable for arguing and causing a scene, but you are unreasonable for expecting a table of 4 to yourself at a busy market place. If you want a table to yourself you should go at a quieter time.

Did you read the OP? She clearly says she's happy to share with one or two people but not to be surrounded on 'her' table. Quite simple really 🤷🏼‍♀️

Delphinium20 · 14/08/2025 16:49

Some posters are either ignoring or unaware that a hostile man losing his temper with a lone woman can be jarring at best, terrifying at worst. Men getting angry at women is a massive problem because men always have the advantage over us physically and most often socially.

tequilam0ckingbird · 14/08/2025 16:49

Lovelynames123 · 14/08/2025 16:33

It's very much a social norm that you don't help yourself to a table someone else is sitting at without asking, your response is weird!

Show quote history

I agree, but the reason you're asking is to see if other people are sitting there...

Notimeforaname · 14/08/2025 16:50

No, you dont get to be precious and decide that two people can have the seating, but not 3 don't be so ridiculous.

"Is it just you two?" 🤣 You don't get to police that.

tripleginandtonic · 14/08/2025 16:51

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/08/2025 16:26

Unless you owned the table it's not your choice who sits there. A case of two overly entitled heads butting, methinks.

This. He wasn't turfing you off the table, just also occupying it.

BallerinaRadio · 14/08/2025 16:51

BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:37

Because I’m occupying that table whilst I eat and they have no where to sit … so yes it’s a favour.

Show quote history

That is insane

blacksax · 14/08/2025 16:51

There's a few people on this thread I wouldn't want to share a table with.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2025 16:51

You had no right to query it. You were on your own and there were three available seats. It's not your right to grudgingly allow two people to sit and start getting confrontational when someone wants to sit in the third seat.

MasterBeth · 14/08/2025 16:51

"Revoked permission"!!!??

The guy was a dick and so were you.

Digdongdoo · 14/08/2025 16:51

Delphinium20 · 14/08/2025 16:49

Some posters are either ignoring or unaware that a hostile man losing his temper with a lone woman can be jarring at best, terrifying at worst. Men getting angry at women is a massive problem because men always have the advantage over us physically and most often socially.

Nah. I just think OP was hostile first.

tequilam0ckingbird · 14/08/2025 16:51

Delphinium20 · 14/08/2025 16:49

Some posters are either ignoring or unaware that a hostile man losing his temper with a lone woman can be jarring at best, terrifying at worst. Men getting angry at women is a massive problem because men always have the advantage over us physically and most often socially.

I am aware and I think it's awful that the man did this.

I also think the OP is odd for assuming she can occupy a table of 4 when she's a party of 1.

If I had been the others wanting to sit there, and she asked me to move after she had told us we could sit, I would move but I would think the OP very odd/rude/entitled.

Notimeforaname · 14/08/2025 16:52

I may have let them sit finished and left

Was it your restaurant?.Do you own the seats?

Dozer · 14/08/2025 16:52

You were U to complain about the 3rd person taking the seat, unless there were plenty of other free tables they could have chosen.

His response was U and aggressive.

RhaenysRocks · 14/08/2025 16:52

WannabeEDIOfficer · 14/08/2025 16:36

YANBU. Two people have a conversation next to you, feels more manageable compared with 3 people talking around you.

Some responses here are odd. You generally reserve a table in this sort of place, not a single chair.

What needs "managing" though? I don't get why 2 is ok but 3 absolutely not.

Tink3rbell30 · 14/08/2025 16:52

You're wrong. He shouldn't have spoken in that way no but you can't police if 2 or 3 people can join a table for 4 people.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2025 16:52

Mumof2heroes · 14/08/2025 16:49

Did you read the OP? She clearly says she's happy to share with one or two people but not to be surrounded on 'her' table. Quite simple really 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

It wasn't "her" table. She had no right to dictate who was allowed to sit on the three remaining seats.

BallerinaRadio · 14/08/2025 16:53

blacksax · 14/08/2025 16:51

There's a few people on this thread I wouldn't want to share a table with.

The table police probably wouldn't let you anyway

Dozer · 14/08/2025 16:53

It’s not ‘a favour’ to agree to sharing your table when that’s just the routine at the venue.

Original poster
BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:54

LastKnownSurvivor · 14/08/2025 16:45

It really depends on the accepted norm for that venue. In some places, e.g. food court type places, it is normal to share a table - less so in an enclosed cafe, not at all in a restaurant.

There are spots like that such as the benches of various sizes etc where you share but I was sat in an area where it’s booth on one side chairs on the other and you will find lots of single occupants at the 4 table. It’s not usual to share those tables because they don’t have a communal vibe.

For those of you saying you see it as a norm to sit at table at a busy cafe where one person is already sat would never actually practice that in reality 🙄

OP posts:
tequilam0ckingbird · 14/08/2025 16:55

Mumof2heroes · 14/08/2025 16:49

Did you read the OP? She clearly says she's happy to share with one or two people but not to be surrounded on 'her' table. Quite simple really 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

I did read it thanks.

I read that the OP would graciously allow 2 on "her" table of 4, but not 3.

The table is public in a busy market. I think she is the entitled one.

Gingerbreadman1972 · 14/08/2025 16:55

Weirdly in a cafe, that would bother me, but not in a food market. The food markets near me, tables are always communal.

I can see why you don't want to be surrounded but don't think it's up to you to dictate that paying customers can't have a seat