Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

[BluntPlumHam]

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

I didn’t realise till I read this post that I would feel fine if the woman had sat next to me, but uncomfortable and irritated if a man did.

Jeez, do people not understand basic table etiquette any more? Having someone hijack your table
is extremely bad manners. 🙈

You ask permission to join the occupant and graciously withdraw if they say no.

Maybe they expect the poster to randomly acquire 3 friends before she’s allowed to use the café’s facilities?

OP, you were generous to offer to share with 2 other people. I certainly wouldn’t be keen to share with 3 complete strangers unless I’d almost finished my lunch.

If group of three is a crowd why are tables with seats for four people provided?

that is usually how they are sold for catering purposes, and getting as many options out of a table in limited space as possible for the profit of the cafe

I remember it being normal at markets when I was a child.

You wouldn’t do it at a sit-down restaurant but it’s been standard at markets I’ve been to in dozens of countries in four continents for as long as I can remember.

It’s not really a “woke do whatever you want” thing and more of a “sit where there’s a seat” thing.

They did ask!

Lol at 'bullied'.

You were rude and hostile and he stood his ground.

Just as I'm sure many women would have if you've been rude and hostile to them too.

I meant single as in eating solo rather than single but hey ho.

Yes, so three more people joining the OP's table DID get the best option as possible out of it – if they had thought, 'We mustn't join that table with three free seats, there's someone sitting there with a force field around her' and gone off to eat elsewhere instead, the cafe would have lost out.

Don’t be ridiculous. I’m also ‘well travelled’ and have shared multiple tables with multiple strangers - both abroad and locally in the UK.

Quite. Mental.

You’re clearly very entitled!

Absolutely. The OP's behaviour was confrontational and rude. Bullied - that's a stretch.

She asked them beforehand if there were 2 and they said they were. Then bully bloke turned up.

It absolutely is first come first served unless the establishment has reservations system in place. It's the way Western systems work. Other countries, not so.

In general you can't make up your own rules in your head and expect other people to just know them. Most people are going to see 4 seats, 4 potential people can sit there.

Because now she had a stranger sat directly in front of her instead of two people by the side of her. I agree with the op.

At 'a busy market where there is a lot of seating'?

Grow up.

I had absolutely no idea that if you buy food then you are also buying the table. I know people reserve tables at restaurants but that's not the case here. Obviously I've been doing eating in public wrong all these years.

They didn’t say they were two though. Regardless, OP doesn’t own the third seat either way.

No, but she does "own" the table. Apparently.

😂😂😂
They asked her if anyone was sitting there - no one was. They didn’t actually need her permission to sit down at the table. It didn’t belong to the OP, she presumably wasn’t spending the equivalent of 4 people’s meals and was therefore also depriving the cafe owner of income. I think you’ll find it was the OP who was being ‘vile’.

His attitude was wrong but you don’t own the table.. You don’t get to take a table of 4 all to yourself at a busy time and expect no one else to sit there. I can tell you if it was me and my husband I would not have asked permission to sit down I would just have done so. You don’t have to communicate with them but you absolutely can not stop them sitting there.

The main one is OP, who 'revoked her permission' and told them to leave . Unbelievable but funny !!

You were sat at a table for 4 and had no entitlement to the rest of the seats. You are being VU.

Six of one and half a dozen of the other. You were both rude and entitled

Do you think the Op was sitting in the middle of the table? Because she would have to have been if she was ‘surrounded’.