Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

[baby2incoming]

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

Your baby will not care what colour muslins are used (and in my experience as a mother of girls, people will assume babies are boys even if they are in flowery pink frocks!). Your mum is being ridiculous. And I don’t know anybody who would buy a new Moses basket for a second baby - surely the point of these items is that they are passed down and reused. Please ignore her

She’s also very critical that we are using DD’s infant car seat, it’s never been in an accident, was purchased brand new, has been wrapped and stored in our wardrobe so no mould and I had it professionally cleaned 2 weeks ago.

Don’t be silly. I used all my previous stuff when I had one of the opposite gender. Didn’t buy anything new as had enough stuff. They have no idea and who gives a shiny shit if a random stranger thinks they are the opposite gender?

She's being a bit of a numpty. You're not supposed to use a car seat where you don't know the previous history but obviously that is irrelevant when you're the owner and know it!

It's important not to care too much about what she says when you know it's not right. Ignore and do what you think is best.

Sadly we didn’t have a loft at the time DD was born so MIL kindly stored her clothes for us in her loft however FIL accidentally moved it to the shed when clearing out the loft and left it in there by mistake and a lot of it had mould so we had to throw and couldn’t reuse any this time around.

If you were dressing him in pink frilly dresses and massive bows she might have a point (although they are hideous on both sexes really) but muslins, bibs, vests etc? Who really cares what colour they are?

I used things for all 4 of mine. Part of the point of buying things was that I could reuse. I also had several friends who had babies around the same time and we used to swap and mix and match. Babies don't care and often they are in the outfits so little that they're in great condition!
She's being weird.

Shes being ridiculous. I have more than one photo of my youngest in his older sisters clothes.

He was that much of a puker by the time I had changed his clothes for the 5th+ time thst day I couldn't have cared less what he was wearing. Like I said to someone 'its not like his willy will fall off'

Oh absolutely not 😂 I personally really dislike bows and headbands on babies so DD never had them.

I would be creating strong boundaries now because it’s sounds like she’s quite happy to ride roughshod over your decisions. Of course you’re not wrong. Of course it’s perfectly fine to reuse stuff. I’ve got a 13 year gap between my kids and I was really annoyed with myself that I didn’t keep all the big ticket stuff I had for DD, for DS when he arrived. I would have done the same and saved myself a fortune! Tell your mother quite firmly that your parenting decisions are none of her business and there will be no further discussion on the matter. She sounds awful. Good luck with your new baby!

Your mother is being an idiot. Does she realise how many people buy second hand items to use with no idea of the history? Most people with more than one child re-use things from their first - what a waste if it were just thrown away and new bought!

Ignore her and know she’s batshit.

She’s welcome to go out and buy you anything she reckons you need a second or a gender stereotype version of ;)

and boys used to wear pink as it was seen as a stronger colour with girls in blue which was seen as more delicate.

She’s being daft.
My DS wore dd’s hand me downs till old enough to object! Tell her you're being environmentally conscious!

Just in case you were ever wondering if your mum has lost the parenting plot … she has told you she has.

Every parent with more than one child in normal succession times reuses stuff they already have.

I had blue, pink, white and yellow for my girl. When my boy came along, he looked gorgeous in the pink! I used all of her stuff for him. Strangely enough, he’s still male. Now he’s a 183cm engineer who wears pink shirts occasionally. Tell your mum to pull her head in. Absolutely ridiculous!

I had two boys so can't comment on the "wrong" colour muslin- although I do think your mum is being ridiculous.
Re the moses basket.... she'd be horrified to hear that I used a hand-me-down from my sister (2 DC) for both my boys, and then passed it on to friends... I know at least 9 babies have used that moses basket so far! (all with new mattresses).
Don't feel guilty! You sound like a lovely, sensible mum.

She’s ridiculous! I have DT’s - b/g. They wore whichever babygro I picked up - I didn’t check whether I was putting on a pink babygro on DS or DD. Colour of clothing is irrelevant at any age.
The pink for a girl and blue for a boy is just stupid.

You know what you're doing, and are right.
I can't understand why your mum is being snippy and undermining your confidence. Whatever the reason, just carry on. Or tell her to be quiet if she upsets you again. So unnecessary. 💐

You need to grey rock her on this, for your peace of mind.
Pick a stock phrase and no matter what she says, even if she's asking a question to you, even if what you respond doesnt make sense in the context of whats being said, keep repeating that phrase.
"The baby doesnt care and neither do i"
Or if you feel a bit spicy "there you go again mum, worried that something horrible will happen if people think the baby has girl parts"

Your mum is being ridiculous. There is absolutely no need to be wasteful. Use what youve got.

Silly moo. Had the morning train from 1948 just arrived in?

She’s being utterly ridiculous. I’d be limiting contact.

Ignore her. You are right to reuse things.

She's been mad...

Put lots of boundaries in and hope you have a lovely time when your new babe is here!

I think there's something really sweet and lovely about your son having a few handy down bits, especially the moses basket, like little gifts from his big sister. It's also much more environmentally friendly than buying everything new (and of course being environmentally friendly is in your children's best interests).