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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

259 replies

baby2incoming · 14/08/2025 11:46

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

OP posts:
Early3Rise · 14/08/2025 13:11

She's buying into consumerism.

Her views are wasteful- both for the environment and your bank balance

Keep doing what you're doing, don't let her affect you

TonTonMacoute · 14/08/2025 13:12

I would be tempted to dye the muslins black! Although that might unleash even more batshittery 😆

BengalBangle · 14/08/2025 13:15

A 'good nan' doesn't constantly criticise and undermine the child's mother.

Jenkibuble · 14/08/2025 13:15

baby2incoming · 14/08/2025 11:46

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

She is being ridiculous - if she is paying let her !!!!

I have a DD and DS (2o month age gap) and I went one step further than you - used some vest babygros (predominantly white but with the odd fairy on ) as well as the odd pair of neutral tights (we had a puppy who had a sock fetish)

As he got older he loved to dress up in his siter's princess dresses and wanted his toenails painted too.

Of course I have evicence in the form of photos to bring out every so often :)

Your mum needs to give her head a wobble !

Congrats and enjoy your little boy !

BIossomtoes · 14/08/2025 13:17

I thought everyone used barely used baby things again for their second baby. Your mum seriously thinks you should buy everything again? That’s lunacy.

ForWarmPeachBird · 14/08/2025 13:19

Apart from the car seat she is being ridiculous.

Harrysmummy246 · 14/08/2025 13:22

I didn't find out DS sex til he was born. I had loads of neutral stuff, loads of hand-me-down from cousins etc.
I wouldn't have given a crap what colour muslins were as we got through so many.
I would probably tend to agree with your mum only on the infant car seat. But that's safety not appearance

EverythingElseIsTaken · 14/08/2025 13:23

HoppingPavlova · 14/08/2025 11:50

Don’t be silly. I used all my previous stuff when I had one of the opposite gender. Didn’t buy anything new as had enough stuff. They have no idea and who gives a shiny shit if a random stranger thinks they are the opposite gender?

Same here! I bought new mattresses for the crib and the cot but that was it. I also had a new changing bag as the first one was tatty. Once I knew DS was a boy I did pass on some of the girly clothes that I knew I wouldn’t use but the babygros, vests etc all just had a wash and were ready to go. They didn’t last long though… DS was a GIANT compared to DD!

Cyclistmumgrandma · 14/08/2025 13:26

My first baby was a boy, born in Southern California as we were there temporarily. Husband was on a post doc salary (a pittance) at the time so most stuff was second hand and many of his clothes were handed down from his cousin who had, in turn inherited them from his cousin - a girl! Coupled with this I called him by a name that is very normal for boys in the UK but is pretty exclusively used for girls in California. So I would be out with my baby, dressed in pink and be asked his name.... "Oh what a lovely little girl" would come the response. Their eyebrows would disappear through their hairlines when I said, "No, he's a boy!" I could imagine them wondering what major problem I had with gender. He is now in the army, happily married and has a baby of his own on the way. I really don't think I have damaged him either physically or psychologically!

Coatsoff42 · 14/08/2025 13:26

Oh no! Things all your children use are much more well loved! Your daughter will really like that her new baby brother is in the same basket/pram/car seat she was. It’s a lovely family way of showing child development and sharing in a practical way.

Wynter25 · 14/08/2025 13:26

ForWarmPeachBird · 14/08/2025 13:19

Apart from the car seat she is being ridiculous.

Whats wrong in using the car seat? I've used the same car seat that I used for my 1st on my third.

ForPlumReader · 14/08/2025 13:27

She's being ridiculous. The baby doesn't care and it would be such a waste of you didn't reuse. We never bought anything new (most of what we used was handed down) beyond the first regardless of whether they were going to be a boy or girl. I did try to avoid the whole bink/blue thing, dressed them as neutrally as I could, although you can't help what other people gift you.

Bababear987 · 14/08/2025 13:27

Your mums being ridiculous.

My mum can be the same way about a lot of things tbh I think she was always in hand-me-downs as a child and felt poor so that's where it comes from but I tell her to wise up.

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 14/08/2025 13:27

baby2incoming · 14/08/2025 11:46

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

I’m so sorry your mum decided to upset you this close to your due date. You have done absolutely nothing wrong, you sound like a great mum and a thrifty and responsible person in reusing anything you can for your new baby. I would get your DH to have a quiet word with her, politely telling her to back off, that you know what you’re doing and you don’t need to be stressed out by her silliness.

Enjoy your new baby!

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 14/08/2025 13:28

Honestly I used both new and hand-me-down stuff for my daughter and love passing stuff on now. The world has too much stuff and it all eventually goes into landfill! Reuse as much as you can!

My daughter wore blue, green, yellow, pink and white - once or twice people thought she was a boy but it has made no difference to her mental health. Your child will not know if things are new or not, it will make zero impact on their lives or your life!

Charabanc · 14/08/2025 13:29

Your mother is mad. HTH.

You sound like a lovely mum. Ignore her.

CaptainMyCaptain · 14/08/2025 13:29

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/08/2025 12:20

Indeed. I meant more in terms of boys not having pink items.

Show quote history

That's what I was talking about really. In 1948, post war people had very little and wpupd pass things down but babies probably all wore white then as nobody knew what sex their baby was and didn't until relatively recently. What about the Victorian boys in dresses? Pink was a boys colour then anyway I believe. The 80s and 90s were the decades of consumerism and capitalist excess when buying new became a thing.

Pinkflower100 · 14/08/2025 13:32

You are right and your mum is ridiculous. There’s no way I’d be replacing a Moses basket in white for a second child or a safe car seat! How silly. What a waste of money and resources! I prob would get some more Muslims like you have and would prob just use the pink ones at home but that’s me.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/08/2025 13:34

Your mother is being ridiculous

SecretNameAsImShy · 14/08/2025 13:35

What your Mum is proposing is such a waste of money. So much stuff is being discarded for not being the right colour etc. OP, stick to your guns and your gut instinct. Charity shops are overrun with stuff and quite a few around us now aren't able to take any more items!

Foolzgold · 14/08/2025 13:35

Your mum is being silly.

I have three (4, 2, 0) - two boys and a girl. Current baby has had nothing new because he hasn’t needed it. He’s often mistaken for a girl when his pink broderie anglaise sun hat is sticking out of the baby carrier, but he is usually asleep and not getting his head sunburnt so I suspect he will survive! 😂

My MIL takes a similar approach to your mum and has really struggled to accept that we do not want a load of new things that we don’t need. It’s pretty rubbish for the environment to have three kids so I feel the least I can do is reuse. Plus, the pictures of them all in the same outfits are cute.

CagneyNYPD1 · 14/08/2025 13:40

Honestly, your mum is being ridiculous. My mum had 3 babies in the 70s. Everything was hand me downs from friends and relatives. I think the only thing she bought new was the big Silver Cross pram, which was her pride and joy. That may well have been a gift from the grandparents.

I think the PP’s comments about the 1980s and 90s consumerism
might have a good point. Growing up in the 70s and early 80s was much more about Make and Do. There was a definite shift during the Thatcher years to greater consumerism in many aspects of life. Your DM may well be a product of that time as a parent.

Nowadays, there is much more of an emphasis on recycling and reusing which is a damn good thing.

Pinkflower100 · 14/08/2025 13:42

Pinkflower100 · 14/08/2025 13:32

You are right and your mum is ridiculous. There’s no way I’d be replacing a Moses basket in white for a second child or a safe car seat! How silly. What a waste of money and resources! I prob would get some more Muslims like you have and would prob just use the pink ones at home but that’s me.

I can’t seem to edit my post but I meant muslins. Not Muslims. 🤣

Messycoo · 14/08/2025 13:42

Pink was the colour for boys until Queen Mary had a son and to confuse the press/media she left the hospital with him dressed in blue.Hence since then the UK followed suit and now pink is for girls .
Also I don’t have children I applaud you for being sensible and not kowtowing to buy everything new and I agree and most mothers would? the first 3 months babies growing so fast and having to change every few hours, why would you have cutesy outfit for them to be sick on and poo in .
you stick to your guns and kill your mum with kindness, be over the top with very nice and thank yous and wow that’s a great idea mum . She won’t know how to respond and hopefully it will defuse clashing .
im like that with people who really work my buttons, it’s a great game !
good luck with the safe arrival of your baby boy and think tickled pink next time you see you mum 😜

cooldarkroom · 14/08/2025 13:44

Please don't let this upset, you, I used DDs stuff for DS, having lent it to a friend in between the two. The whole kit ! except car seat.
she returned the stuff laundered & it saved me a fortune.
Love seeing my kids in photos in the same dungarees etc !
Just say to your mother, "Ive got lots of other stuff"... then change the subject