Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

[baby2incoming]

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

I used all my boys stuff for my baby girl because it was in perfect condition and why not? It was nice to use again for the memory and yes I could have went and purchased new but it would be buying for the sake of buying!
ignore her xx 😙

Just to support this message, I have a baby girl and today after bumping into an acquaintance they asked "remind me is it a boy or girl?" - she was wearing a pink floral babygro and had a pink blanket over her in the pram. Doesn't bother me being asked but just to reinforce that no one really notices colours of the baby items 😅

Wow, thank you all for your responses.

Just to be clear, I would never stop my mum from buying a few “boy” outfits as she’s excited to have a grandson. What I don’t want is her buying me 20 blue muslins etc because we’ve got enough, we have limited storage space and she’s made it clear that she’d be doing it to prove that boys need blue things which to me is just silly.

I mean, I wouldn’t put him in any of DD’s dresses or pink flowery leggings, but spitting up milk on a pink muslin, reusing her perfectly safe, in date car seat and moses basket (with a new mattress) are all things that I would consider normal to share between siblings, different sexes or not.

It’s really hard to explain the relationship between me and my Mum. I love her but she’s a very difficult person sometimes and has been all of my life. I am her only child yet (I have siblings from my Dad remarrying) but she’s the kind of person who’d tell you the sky is purple just to cause a disagreement on what colour it is when the mood takes her. She’s very up and down, one day she can be lovely to me and the next she’ll try to argue over absolutely nothing important that would warrant a disagreement.

Instead of her buying a load of outfits that baby probably won’t ever get to wear (as learned with my DD) I’d rather her buy us practical things that we need such as an all in one snowsuit ready for winter etc. she can buy a blue one with dinosaurs and cars all over it for all I care, I’m not fussy, I’d be grateful. She can absolutely buy him “boy” things. That’s not my problem, the problem is her criticism over the silliest things when I’m heavily pregnant, emotional and I just don’t need it.

Anyway, a bit of an update. I sent the message, she apologised as she says she didn’t realise she upset me and she said she’d love to buy his snowsuit and some winter bits like hats etc, I replied saying they would be amazing and that the end of it as far as I’m concerned. I really have no interest in arguing with her or carrying anything on, I like a peaceful life.

Thank you everyone for your well wishes too x

Good update, @baby2incoming!

Sounds like you handled it well. Hope that you are feeling less stressed and all the best for the birth x

This!
My almost 10 month old DD was in a flowery outfit the other day, with pink socks, and she still got called a boy twice by strangers.

Baby won’t know the difference. He won’t care. It’s better to recycle items if they’re still in good condition, than waste money on new things. It’s better for the environment, and less wasteful. Ignore her.

She is being 1. stupid 2. Bitchy and 3. Insensitive. Given your relationship with her, she probably knows it too. Does she have form for trying to ruin special moments/events?

I very much doubt in 10 years time your son is going to turn round and say "Mum, im deeply effected and traumatised about the fact you used pink cloths to clean up my sick when I was a baby"

Take her opinion and shove it in the 'Stupid shit my mum has come out with".

Put your feet up, enjoy then remainder of your pregnancy.

I had a boy and he had both new and hand me downs. I got pink muslins for him. Because why not it’s a colour and I like it. I also got blue and orange, green, white and animal patterns. My baby lived in vests and baygrows for nearly 18 months, the o my outfits being g hand me down jumpers/trousers/ t-thirst. And a ridiculously cute whale denim outfit (with the trousers, body and straps not sleeves, can’t remember the name lol). I don’t know if her issue is gender, hand me downs or just not reusing what she sees as DGD’s stuff, but it’s absolutely fine to use second hand/reuse/buy a non-gender stereotype item. My boy had unicorn onsies. Why not? I
Ad long as it’s safe (I note the new mattress), tell her you’re the parent and while you respect:value her opinion or input, it’s ultimately up to you and your partner first

Ha, everyone assumed my boys were girls. Can't win.