Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

[baby2incoming]

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

Your mum is being ridiculous, and sounds like an absolute nightmare for the planet!

I wouldn’t put a baby boy in a pink frilly dress, but pink Muslin clothes are absolutely fine.

My first child is a boy but we didn’t find out, so everything is neutral. We’ll be reusing absolutely everything for our next baby due in November (also don’t know the sex).

please ignore your mum and don’t buy things that get outgrown in such a short time, when you already have everything you need!

My DD uses a towel and a blanket embroided with her older brother’s name. Holy shit!

Don't get into the detail about colours, girl/boy whatever.

You can just say 'Thanks for your thoughts, but just so we're clear it's up to me what my baby wears (or eats or plays with or does).'

This!

My son has long hair, gets called a girl. Doesn't bother me, just means he's beautiful 🤷‍♀️

Your mum is being very weird and I totally agree with your sensible plans.

You’re mums ridiculous. Take no notice and carry on as you were.

My ds was my 1 and only.

I bought a bundle including pram and Moses basket 2nd hand when he was born - and again money wasn’t an issue. Just seemed daft buying new when perfectly good items available reused.

As it was ds hated the Moses basket and slept (read cried!) in it about 4 times! Pram lasted until he was 3.
Baby Bath we rarely used.

You are doing a great job not adding to the waste of the country and thinking about your babies comfort.

Tell her to stop being so bloody sexist and why does it matter if other people are ignorant and make that mistake.

Your mum is being ridiculous.
Newborns can’t even really see colours let alone understand about gender stereotypes.
I have two DDs but we didn’t find out the sex so washed all of DD1’s baby stuff and would have definitely used pink vests and blankets etc if I’d had a boy.

My son had tonnes of blue stuff gifted by people and it was still routine for people to call him a girl because he has long eyelashes.

So maybe she ought to sew the word boy onto everything just in case someone makes such an egregious error?

DM is absolutely ridiculous. Is she as wasteful in her own life?

I hate this "pink is for girls" rubbish. It's a bloody colour. Ignore her.

Yanbu, and a completely sensible mother. Baby will not care and as long as you are not dressing him in pink head to toe, it will be fine. I used a lot of DS’s stuff on dd. It’s actually quite sweet to see It passed down.

I also think it’s fine to use car seats and cots between children. This country is absolutely fucking ridiculous about those things being brand new. What do you think happens in less privileged countries where millions and millions of children are completely fine.

You are being sensible reusing whatever you can, save your money for other things. Ignore her.

Oh wow, with no disrespect your mum is batshit crazy. I am due with my second next week and am reusing EVERYTHING that I can!! Car seat, high chair, bibs, vests, clothes, pram, etc. why on earth would you go buy a whole load of new stuff when you have perfectly usable things already?? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Who cares what colour any of it is? My firstborn is a boy and one of his favourite things to do is play with my make up, and I couldn’t care less (although my expensive foundation does get taken away from him…) Half the clothes we have were second hand in the first place as people very generously gave us their old stuff and does the baby care? Nope, not even a little! We’ve bought a couple new outfits for this little one and a different coming home outfit but that is all. You do whatever is right for you and your little family! Congratulations and good luck!

YANBU. I even intentionally choose the neutral colours of things for my DD with the intention of the next baby using them and the possibility of them being a boy. Other than clothes I tend not to buy her any pink stuff as I want to reuse as much as I can. You should definitely reuse as much as possible IMO. Baby stuff is expensive and gets used for such a small space of time it would be ridiculous to buy all new every time

Oh, for Heaven's sake, mother, it's all going to get covered with shit and puke by the end of the day.

Ignore her. She's nuts.

If you're in the mood to bait her though, just keep asking why.

Her: 'You can't use those muslins for a boy, they're pink!'
You: 'Why, what will happen?'
Her: 'Well... someone might think he's a girl!'
You: 'Why is that a problem, he's a baby, he won't know or care.'
Her: But... but...

Just keep going, every time she says something batshit, ask why will it matter, why is it an issue, what will happen if someone gets his gender wrong?

Eventually it should piss her off enough to shut her up.

I honestly think you are doing what most people do when they have a second child or third child. I had my younger daughter in all sorts of my sons things. She finally refused his pyjamas at age 4. There is no need to replace anything that hasn't been in accident. They are babies they are NEVER GOING TO KNOW. Ignore your mum! Good luck xx

My son wore his sister's hand- me- down pink anorak to primary school, and occasionally her vests with My Little Pony on the front. He was never bothered and neither were his dad or myself. There was plenty of wear left in them.

Excellent move to reuse what you can - regardless of colour. And if money isn’t an issue- save that money for when DS has clothing preferences. Or for making life easier for you in any possible way with 2 under 3!

FWIW, the only thing we bought new for DS was a changing mat (which we later gave to a neighbour for when her granddaughter was there).

Nod, smile, agree, understood mum-then carry on as you were.

This. Nothing wrong at all I used moses basket with new mattress, car seat, bouncer chair and reused lots of other items.

Your mother is bonkers. Does she think your son will catch gayness from pink muslins?

My DD wore blue babygrows, trousers etc that DS1 used as a baby; in turn DS2 wore both his brother's old stuff and his sister's pink babygrows etc. None of them have been scarred by this dreadful experience.

Your mother is being a twat. I had a boy then a girl and she got all his hand-me-downs that hadn't already been passed on to his cousins! She didn't care. She didn't know!

Just ignore your mother. You're doing the right thing for the planet by reusing stuff anyway. That's far more important for the future of your children than what your mum thinks.