Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

[baby2incoming]

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

More people should do the same as you op you sound a practical, thoughtful person. Ignore your mum

It’s totally normal to reuse baby items and clothes as long as they are safe and clean. Your mother is ridiculous.

My son wore my niece's tights as a baby as he was always kicking off his socks and bootees[ it was winter]
Health visitor [very old-fashioned] thought it was genius. Sorry but your Mum is batshit and wasteful.

She sounds overly controlling and too interfering

lol I have a 2 year old DD and a 12 week old DS and he uses her natural wicker Moses basket, next to me crib and infant carrier. Why would we buy new?! He also sleeps in her Love to Dream swaddle suits (they’re expensive!) but one of them is pink 😂 I still sometimes call him Princess by accident. Most of DD’s clothes were neutral colours so he wear them too. They are both May babies!

Absolutely, do not buy a new moses basket. What a waste

My mum bought me loads of stuff for my son from charity shops and she even bought him a pink Minnie Mouse sleepsuit - didn’t bother me at all! Who cares 🤣

Short answer, you don’t need to buy more stuff. Your baby will be happy with you whatever colour cloth you use to wipe up its puke.

Slightly longer answer: I’d be thinking longer term what effect having your DM in your life is doing, and has done, for your self-esteem. And please remember that at some point, she will transfer that criticism and judgement onto your children. She obviously can’t help it. My DM made me feel like I was doing something wrong for most of my life - when I visited her one day and she criticised my DC’s accent (we live in a different part of the country), that was the last time I took them there. I’ve since gone NC.

Enjoy your pregnancy, and your children. Your mum is a knob.

Doesn't your DM realise that the planet is sinking under tonnes of rubbish and landfill - is she of that wasteful generation too young to be brought up by make do and mend parents and too old to be of the repair, reuse or recycle generation.
I am pleased to see my new born granddaughter wearing the clothes her elder cousins aunties and uncles wore and equipment they used (perhaps not car seats as much).

Your mother is a loon.

Any advice on how to handle this?

Yes. Tell your mother it's absolutely none of her business what you do/don't buy for your baby and that you don't give a toss what colour your baby's muslins are. Explain that you're happy with the way you're doing things and you'd appreciate it if she could accept that you are the baby's mother and that these are your decisions to make, not hers.

Am I wrong for reusing?

No. It's better to reuse things that are still in good condition than to throw away decent stuff and waste money on more.

Should I be buying more blue things?

Of course not. The entire notion of 'blue for a boy' and 'pink for a girl' is total bullshit and your baby doesn't give a flying fuck if he's puking on to a pink muslin or a blue one. FWIW, there isn't a single photo of me wearing pink as a baby - my mum mostly put me in blue baby-grows because she didn't think pink suited my colouring (and she's correct - it still doesn't look good on me 49 years later). In fact, there is one photo of me aged about 18 months in a pink coat and my mum always says 'I never liked that pink coat but someone bought it for you and we put you in it just to be polite'.

Absolutely ignore her.
I've got 3 and they all used the same cot (new mattresses) and carriers and baby grows etc..
Pretty much 90% of my 3rds clothing is second hand.
It's not that we couldn't afford to get new things it's just that as you say, it's horrifically wasteful.
I tell you what's more important for your child than being a baby in a brand new outfit.. it's caring about waste and making sure there's a decent planet left for them to live on in adulthood.
I'm not shaming anyone for buying new things from time to time.. but your mums ridiculous wastefulness is why we are up shit creek as a society.
I think it might be a generational thing as well.. my own mum is ridiculously wasteful as well. Constantly buying brand new things just for the amusement of it.

I think as a result I'm out here living like a war is on.. because I always thought it was gross. Buying a pair of shoes, wearing them a couple of times then chucking them in the bin. Gives me the heaves.

And plus I have lovely memories attached to the old baby clothes so it's nice each baby has worn them.

What level of ridiculous is this! My word. Is she worried that his Willy will fall of? That he may feel lesser because it’s pink (and pink=girl=second class)?
She should be ashamed of herself. Daft woman.

My 3 year old is still wearing hand-me-downs from his sister (tops and trousers - tbh a lot of her trousers were from the "boys" section anyway as it was the only way to obtain robust clothes, or they're from unisex places like Little Green Radicals or Dotty Dungarees). He also LOVES. a dress up princess dress, as do his (male) best friends at nursery. He is happy, he is clothed, I'm saving money and not adding to landfill.

Your mother is batshit.

Your mum is being ridiculous! I used a lot of second hand items from friends for my first born, then used them for my second born, then passed them on to my sister. And yes, we had baby boys with pink baby grows in the family,and that was by choice, not lack.of money

YANBU.

Your mum is being ridiculous.

She's stressing you out about utter trivia! to the extent that its really upset you and made you cry...just before you give birth.. You don't need this.

Your DH sounds lovely and I think he could remind her not to go on at you like this as its not good for you to be stressed.

She might say.. oh it's just pregnancy hormones and the answer is.. Yes. It could be, but knowing that why are you doing it?

Is she always like this? If so... not now but in future it might be time to start standing up to her or giving her less opportunity to carry on like this.

In short OP, your Mum needs to wind her neck in.

Your mother is being ridiculous.

Your mother is ridiculous - tell her that you will treat her comments with the consideration they deserve. Then do nothing in response.

My family on both sides had lots of babies around the same time so we all spent ages passing things around. It was great - much cheaper and better environmentally too. Some of the things my dcs wore must have had 5/6 babies in them before they got to them! Who cares? If they’re clean and safe to use, use it. She sounds like she’s got issues of her own. You’re doing great.

My DD lived in DS’s hand me downs until she was about 2. It saves money and the planet. Your DM is being ridiculous.

Send your mum this thread, then block her for a while.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Your Mum is.

My second (boy) mostly had my 1st child’s stuff (girl) think we only brought a new car seat and mattress for him. Even clothes were big bundles from my cousin.
my 3rd (girl) we used everything from my older 2. Again just a new car seat and mattress. it has meant over years you might of seen pinks, blues etc on all of them. In fact number 2 and 3 wore a lot of Star Wars themed babygrows.

my 4th (due in 2 weeks) has everything new but that’s because we got rid of everything as our youngest is 5. Otherwise he would be using what we already owned.

first 6 months of their life’s they wore the same gender neutral babygrows mostly. We generally don’t do anything but babygrows. Sometimes family buy outfits and I always feel bad as I can say 100% my babies do not wear it. I just find babygrows are so much easier.

id just ignore it op

I don't think it's necessary to block just stay firm and ignore her 'advice'.