Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

Call them right now and say you didn’t realize you would have to take annual leave to provide child care and that just isn’t possible.

Sorry, I checked with work and I can’t take any A/L at that time so won’t be able to look after your sprig.

I voted YABU because you agreed instead of telling her no/fuck off first.

And to use your own annual leave as well?

JFC.

Text her to say you have looked into it and you can’t help because your work commitments that week will not enable you to fit extra childcare in. It’s easier to text. It is months away, so she is not yet relying on you.

Message them now to say hi friend, really sorry you caught me on the hop earlier. Having now looked at my diary and my work schedule I’m afraid it’s not going to be possible for me to have X whilst you are away.

"Hi Sarah. You really caught me on the hop earlier, but having had time to think it over sensibly and rationally, I'm afraid the answer is No. Asking me to have little Sebastian for 4 days is just far too much responsibility at his age. In addition, I am working and would therefore have to take annual leave for this, so it simply won't be possible. Hope you find someone".

Text her right now and say
’Sorry, I won’t be able to do this. While I was happy to agree in principle when you mentioned it yesterday, I’ve just checked and I don’t have enough holiday left, so I can’t do the drop offs involved. I wanted to give you plenty of notice so you can make other arrangements but I won’t be able to have DC while you’re away at all.’

You caught me on the hop, and I need to let you know now that I can’t look after your DC after all. Thankfully you have plenty of time to find an alternative solution.

If she asks why; it doesn’t work in my schedule.

Yes, this.

I hate false excuses and much prefer just saying no without a reason than making one up, but this is true, you "can't" have the time off work.

Do it now. Don’t let it fester and let them
complain about being left in the lurch.

asking people in person is great tactic and they rarely disagree (for the British anyway) but you have to put on your big girl boots.

calm her and say you can’t it’s too much you don’t feel comfortable. And you wanted to let her know asap so she can sort childcare.

Tell her it’s too much responsibility and the child is too young. I wouldn’t even mention the annual leave initially as she will start offering you suggestions for that

Call them now, be firm and say childcare is not possible. I would be annoyed at them asking,one of them should stay at home with the baby if family could not do it.
This friend sounds overbearing.

You need to let them know ASAP. Say you’ve checked with work and can’t take any leave therefore can’t look after them.

I would send a matter of fact text so that there is no room for negotiation.

I have looked after little ones in our family for this long and they really start to struggle and miss their parents towards the end. I think it would be even harder for a friends child as you may not be as close to them.

Yabu for just going along with it- that’s a ridiculous request off your friend.

I would reply and say work won’t agree to the annual leave and so you’re not able to

Say you can’t get annual leave.

Exactly this. Tell her you can't get the time off work.

This. I’m sorry I didn’t realise that I would have to take annual leave and I don’t have enough left, really sorry but you will have to find or use someone else or make other plans.

You need to do this today before she guilt trips you about having booked flights/accommodation etc.

How about:
I was taken by surprise when you asked me to babysit for four days; you know I like helping you out, but this is impossible for me. It would mean taking nearly a week's annual leave and I don't have it to spare. So sorry I agreed without thinking it through. If you manage to sort something for the other days, I could finish early on Friday and have DC for the one night.

This is the perfect response. No wriggle room.

This is beyond awful! Please say no, OP. Tell her that you have to work and can’t do it.

Very strange that she is asking you to take unpaid time off work for this.

This. Text her now so she knows but you don't have to speak straight away. Do broken record when you do speak to her.

Need to toughen up.

Send a text now saying 'Just realised I'd have to take leave - this is completely impossible. Hope you find someone else.'