Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

She is a cheeky cow!

Why is she making this your problem. You did well to tell her to piss off OP

Echo all the posters who confirm you have done nothing wrong OP.

As tempting as it is, if it were me I would not want my DH to respond . Treat CF's DH's message with the contempt it deserves, ignore delete and block

This. A million times this.

Am I reading this right, are you for real??
the only idiot is the person that thinks running in front of a bus is comparable with someone asking for childcare!!

Does she only know two people then? One for each of her children? It’s an outrageous request in the first place, but to then write silly things on Facebook is crazy.

Omfg!
DH needs to reply his support and agreement with your decision, I hope he’s done that?
how did she get so entitled, so rude

Proof that this "friend" was nothing but a user.

Admittedly too late now, but you should have told her to fuck off right from the start.

Still, least you know shes a cunt now.

OP, well done for not engaging in any childish passive aggressive SM nonsense.

But I think it would be good for your DH to reply “Asking someone to care for a small child for 4 days, necessitating taking Annual Leave, is a very big ask indeed. Reflecting and checking work and then declining the favour 3 days later, and six weeks before you leave, is not ‘letting someone down’ “

A response
“absolutely no one asks friends to look after their small child for 4 days whilst both parents go off on a work jolly. Poor kid for a start! Are we the only two people you know? Your wife caught mine off guard, and she felt she had to say yes, but clearly it’s such an unreasonable request that she was gobsmacked when she actually thought about it. And to say short notice, she asked her THREE DAYS BEFORE.
Again, poor kid will only want their parents and to leave them with what will be strangers for 4 days is ridiculous.
Ask one of your own friends see if they jump at the chance”

Well I think she's going to feel disappointed and "let down" a lot OP, if she thinks friends can be guilt tripped into taking on a toddler for days and nights on end, when they already work full time and have spent years raising their own kids. It's good you've started her on the path. Their kids, their responsibility. Not yours.
Her husband involving your husband is absolutely appalling. How many of his friends did they ask? None, I bet. Keep her blocked and stand firm. You have absolutely dodged a bullet. Very hurtful for you to be on the sharp end of this. What a nasty couple. And their poor kids!

This 👆🏼 is exactly what your DH should be doing and saying. Please show him this thread and the post above.

I’m so sorry she has upset you. She doesn’t deserve you as a friend. I’m sending you a huge warm hug.

I hope your DH told him they need to learn some boundaries. Your former friend most likely deliberately asked you for a massive favour initially in a way that made you feel pressured to say yes. After you said no (within a few days), she continued to put the pressure on, she then put a passive aggressive post on social media most likely aimed at you and then, after you blocked her, her DH had the audacity to contact yours?!

If I were your DH I'd either not reply at all or reply asking why they think they're entitled to demand childcare from their friends. Unbelievable.

I think you did the right thing, and if your husband has any response to make how about a simple thumbs up to the message? I wouldn’t let either of you dragged in to whatever petty game Mrs and Mr CF are playing by dignifying it with much of a response. They think this will work, guilt tripping you into agreeing after all? I feel a thumbs up acknowledges the message but gives them nothing, including no emotional reaction.

She’s heading for a very lonely life if that’s how she treats her “friends”

I do hope you and your DH are not just accepting this. Your DH needs to send a strong reply saying how disappointed you both are that CF is entitled enough to think, and spring it on you, that you should use your annual leave to look after their child, yet you are somehow not allowed to explain just three days later that unfortunately you have now realised that work commitments mean it’s not possible for you. Why is their life more important than yours? Who had they expected to be able to child-mind if you were unable to do it?

Don't let them get away with the CFery!

I would love it

She's just being ridiculous now. The time she is wasting bitching online, involving other people, and getting husbands involved (which is just hilarious) could perhaps be spent looking for someone else to do her bidding. Or maybe hiring a nanny for 4 days?

You are absolutely not in the wrong. How embarrassing getting her DH involved because she didn’t get her way. Personally I wouldn’t bother replying, they sound horrible.

Oh my goodness! To come at this from another perspective, I was chatting to my DH about this thread and musing under what circumstances it would be acceptable to ask a friend to look after your toddler for 4 days. I could only come up with a scenario involving our Australian friends whose families have no nearby family and a bloody major emergency rendering one of their other kids in hospital and at death”s door. Then it would be fair enough and what friends do for each other. But this is ridiculous. Apart from anything else, what parent foists their child onto someone unwilling who doesn’t know the kid that well? Really poor all round. Your DH should go nuclear and I’d never, ever speak to them again. You are not in the wrong here.

She’s being ridiculous, she asked you very very recently, you felt cornered, agreed under pressure and then quickly withdrew your offer after realising you’d have to take AL to fulfil the commitment. Shes trying to lay a guilt trip on you, the manipulative cow. Outrageous behaviour on her part. Send a message back via your husband and her husband stating you’re disappointed with her behaviour.

Well since she’s already turned nasty there’s no point treading gently anymore. Just send a message saying you felt pressured by her at the time and didn’t feel able to say no. She’s massively out of order and not a real friend, so nothing lost.

When asked to do a favour in the future reply with ‘I’ll check and get back to you by text later/tomorrow’. It’s much easier to buy a bit of time than find a way of backtracking (although you’re perfectly entitled to backtrack)

Nothing lost there. The 🗑 took itself out.

☺️

OP, the real shame in all this is that you would have considered this entitled woman a friend in the first place. But, anyone who leaves their toddler for four days with someone under these circumstances is an utterly selfish wannabe parent. I'm appalled and you sound like a good friend and a thoughtful person who that utter CF tried to take advantage of. I'm raging for you! Please get your DH to reply with the message above that was suggested. It's a goodie and you deserve better. How fuckin' dare she. One day I hope you will laugh about the CFery and start that as a new CF thread on here so we can all have another go.

OP you're awesome. She is not. Do not lose sight of that and do not let her manipulative, selfish behaviour cloud your thinking into feeling crap. Don't give her that.
Sorry OP ❤️