Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

This

Stop being a drip and tell her you can't. Take control of your life!

Grow a backbone and say you have checked with work and you are unavailable.

if they are annoyed, they are not your friend. Their child… their problem.

Say no. They're taking the proberbial

"Hey Friend,
Just checked and I can't get AL off unfortunately so you'll have to make other arrangements for DS."

Don't get bulldozed again OP.

Say work wont allow you that time off.

Perfect response. Madness that she asked don't give reasons or she'll offer solutions that don't actually work for you but she will think it's sorted

tell her you can't book the time off work

end of

My lovely MIL always used to say I will have to look at my diary and think about it if anyone caught her on the hop. It worked well.
She did a lot of favours for people but sometimes they took advantage.

This is perfect

No! You must just say no! No weighing up of pros and cons, no excuses/ reasons need to be given. It is a straight no.

"Sorry friend. You caught me unawares the other day. I'm afraid I can't provide childcare for you. Sorry. No. Yep, that's a no. Sorry. Definite no. Difficult for you? Heigh ho. That's a shame. Yep, still a no from me."

Stick to your guns.

Absolutely not. I had someone ask if they could drop their child to me before school every day before my child and I even got up!! I'm a people pleaser but absolutely not, I made myself clear. People are bloody cheeky!

Please update us. Hoping you get out of it. I used to have a bad habit of agreeing when I didn't want to! A friend taught me to always say, "let me check my diary and I'll get back to you" that bought me time to consider whether I want to do it!

You need to be sure that your message leaves absolutely no room for discussion. People like this have an answer for everything. Don't give an apology and offer as little information as possible.

Hi X, I've checked my diary now I'm home and it won't be possible for me to provide the childcare. Best of luck sorting something.

Great advice here, get in your bulldozer and bulldoze your way right out of this OP.
Dont apologise or explain, just tell her no.

Message this person right away.

Tell them that you were caught on the hop (of course that was her intention) and upon thinking the practicalities through carefully, you have determined that this will not be possible.

I can see that you are a nice person, this cheeky fucker has smelt blood in the water a mile off and gone for your neck.

talk back. Cancel.

You don't mention DC of your own, so maybe you don't have any and she just thinks that makes you automatically available..... it used to happen to me a lot as we had our DC several years after most of our friends did..... one who had form for offloading her kids actually phoned me up to ask me to do her school run when I was in labour, waters broken, just waiting for DH to arrive before we left for the hospital.... although to be fair, she didn't know that, athough she did know that I was past my due date .....
I agree with the PP who say don't use the "annual leave" excuse, even if it's true..... just say you have checked and you are not available that week. I also agree with those that say 19 months is extremely young to be left with someone who is not a familiar family member for several days and nights.

Just checked and those dates don’t work for me anymore. Hope you get something else sorted.

Oh god absolutely not. Get in contact immediately to say you can't do it. Don't leave it too long as they'll start the short notice guilt trip.

Was she planning to pay you at all?? I’d only do this if I was getting paid more than my job! Most people are lucky enough to expect free childcare from family but not friends!

Sorry I'm at work on those days so can't so it.
Just send this. And stick by it. Or say no that doesn't work for me. And stick with no. That is major CF

If you're a people pleaser and find it hard to say 'no' to someone's face, you can start to change that habit by refusing to agree to anything on the spot. Say you need to check if you have other commitments before you can agree. Don't give in to people who try to bulldoze through that.
Its not the solution, its a step forwards. And its you that needs to change.

What makes you think you have to do this?

Second this.
Please move swiftly. Think you have gotten some great replies here already but you need to call/ message her now. It sounds like if she says she’s already booked arrangements you would find it harder to back out.
Therapy might be a good avenue to work on tools to avoid people pleasing.

It’s plenty of notice. Get out of it right now. Say sorry they caught you off guard but you can’t do it. No explanation needed. You just can’t. End of. Not your problem