To think holidays with kids are 90% shit

[hagridshair]

Currently away with DH and 3 dc (13, 10 and 2) and it’s just not been fun so far. Lovely hotel, loads going on but eldest just wants to be on his phone. He refused to wear a hat today and has been complaining of headache tonight so has been in a bad mood. Middle child is quite easily pleased, toddler too but obviously they are demanding in different ways. Between running around after them all and trying to make sure all are fed, hydrated, sun creamed and entertained me and dh are both knackered. No time to relax.

Eldests attitude has annoyed me a bit even though I know it’s typical teen behaviour. Just not really bothered about chatting or watching the entertainment with us during the evening. It’s also very hot 35 degrees pretty much everyday so I’m worried about keeping them all safe in the sun.

We look forward to this holiday all year and when it happens it always feels like a big anti climax. There have been some good moments, love watching my toddler dancing and enjoying things here for the first time. But it’s very hard work.

This topic has been done many times and the results are it depends on your family.

We have 1 small child and we adore holidays, but I can imagine having 3 with that age gap would be harder.

Would the 13 year old prefer to stay in the room in the evening and just chill? Or go for a walk in resort? I would have hated hotel entertainment at 13 too.

Sorry you are not enjoying yourself but that is a huge generalisation

You sound pretty ungrateful to be honest! You are away with healthy children. Many can’t afford holidays, it’s up to you to reframe things and make the most of it. Your children aren’t responsible for making your holiday and are probably reacting to the unsaid pressures coming from you.

Not in my experience so far. The "same shit, different location" trope never made sense to me. The different location is the point. Being on holiday gives me access to places I can't otherwise visit. That makes a bit of whinging all worthwhile

That’s really unfair. I’m very grateful to be away. We don’t do it all the time, it’s once a year and we save hard for it. I am trying very hard to make sure they are all happy, enjoying it and well cared for. Which is tough in high temperatures and with three kids of very different ages.

YANBU. I've been there, agree it can feel like an anti-climax at times.

Things that have helped? Phoning or voice-noting a close friend who is happy to listen to a rant/vent for 15 mins. Reducing or trying to minimise all demands on the children. Let the 13yo be. Don't take the kids' behaviours or attitudes personally. Breathe. Remember it's a holiday for all of you so don't feel guilty about taking some time for yourself if you can. Even 30 minutes alone can help.

Hope things get better!

Pick the sort of holiday you go on better? The kids can't help it that you've got extra work because of high temperatures, when you chose to go somewhete with high temperatures.

I enjoyed every holiday I ever spent with my kids when they were young.

running around after them all and trying to make sure all are fed, hydrated, sun creamed and entertained me and dh are both knackered. No time to relax.

Why are you doing this? Sure, help with suncream, but they will all be able to know if they're hungry or thirsty, and can figure out what entertains them.

I’d do a much more interesting holiday for eldest. No 13 year old will want the same as a 2 year old. Also maybe go at Easter? Who really wants these hot holidays? Uk would be nicer!

What does DS enjoy? Hobbies? If he’s on the phone all the time at home he’s obviously hooked on it so probably too late to see an improvement if he’s no hobbies. That ship has sailed.

He has loads of hobbies, plays a lot of sport. There are some clubs here but he doesn’t want to do them because he doesn’t know anyone. Working on that.

Try to make time to enjoy the holiday for yourself without thinking about what the 13 year old is thinking/enjoying. I've older teens and when mine were that age I remember spending the first few days waking them early to get out and enjoy the day.... after a few days I decided to leave them sleep on and enjoy some time doing what I wanted for myself..... everyone in the family wants something different from holidays so let them!

YANBU OP but I do suspect it’s your massive age gaps that are making it tricky. Your 2yo and 13yo will basically want opposite holidays. I imagine the 2yo still wakes at the crack of dawn whereas the 13yo will want to sleep in and stay up later.

FWIW this is why we don’t do hotel type holidays with kids. It’s not worth the money or the effort for us. We do something a lot more DIY which is cheaper and has a bit more variety and scope to include different interests etc. for example this year we are doing a camping trip in the uk and then a trip to France on the ferry to give us a mix of beach time and some historical/cultural type visits too.

A colleague always goes on a weekend away with her husband after a family holiday, so she can recover from the family holiday. Genius if you have childcare and you can afford it.

I think the problem is that you've got 3 kids and a huge age gap.

Our family holidays have always been wonderful but we only had one dc so it was much easier.

I'm inclined to agree with the op

I paid for a holiday cottage this summer and it wasn't as nice as our home.

Yes, it was on a lake, so that was fab, the kids swam and canoed etc, but the other stuff is the same. Cooking, cleaning, chasing after the kids etc.

And it was expensive

I think the age gap makes it hard and no holiday with a 2 yo will be relaxing. Last year we went to canaries with dd1 - 16 and dtds who were 13 and they were great company, could go and play in the pool/table tennis and I’d be on a lounger with a cocktail and my book, occasionally rocking up to join a game of table tennis or go in the pool. We loved the pedalos with the slide into the sea too and did those a few times. Phones stay in the hotel room when we’re on holiday but the girls are great and enjoy their time together for a week. … depends on family though. I have friends who have dc who are very lovely but on holiday have very different wants that cause tension. Mine all like sun, pool, sea and food.

@hagridshairI’m 100% with you. We’ve just got back from 10 nights away. Kids were so ungrateful, whinging and whining constantly (ages 11,9,9,8) and it honestly made me think why bother! Like you, i spent all year saving up for this. Nothing seemed to please them. Next year it’ll be 4 days at a haven site and I’ll spend the £5k saved on an adults trip away with a friend instead!!!!

Yep. Especially when your 18yo gets pissed in a local pub on your holiday the day before the youngest has a birthday...then spews up everywhere through the night. Holiday almost ruined for all of us after his selfish behaviour, left cleaning up all the mess. There were some positive highlights of our holiday but yes it's hard work. Getting to see a new place was exciting for everyone but staying at home would have bee less work! I have a 18yo, 15yo, 9yo and 8yo. I hear you OP!!

I wouldn’t have let the 13yo bring a phone on holiday.

I think pleasing 3 kids of very different ages is a big ask and you probably need to adjust your expectations a bit.

I really don’t mean to sound ungrateful. It’s a lovely place and I’m happy to be here it’s just not playing out exactly how I imagined.

We went on our first holiday abroad when DD was 11. We only have one child, through choice. We all really enjoyed it. I didn't see the point in going away when she was tiny as you just do the same work in a different location and the normal routine is iut of synch so they are crabby too.

First, no 13 yo will voluntarily detach from a phone. Be honest, most adults don’t so why set that bar.

The smallers go to Club in the morning and then nap whilst you have a long drink on the balcony.

if you’re AI, let them eat what they want. As an adult a buffet is overwhelming so what if they select a pineapple and a plate of chips.

All fed, no one dead.

I'm away with an 8 and 10 year old, picked it because there is loads to do that is child centred but they are tired, overwhelmed and grumpy making it just not worth it. Could have saved ourselves money by doing the same kind of things closer to home spread out over a longer period of time.

Hey OP!

I totally understand where you're coming from - I have felt guilty for feeling this way in the past. Our holidays have always overall been amazing but yes, hard work with small children.

We've just however done 2.5 weeks camping and making use of a friends campervan and it's been the best thing EVER. Our older child just finds a group of other children to run off and play with every morning/evening, leaving us to sort stuff/mind our smaller child, and then we go off and do amazing things throughout the day without feeling totally overwhelmed. The people we've met have also been first class.

I really recommend it (I didn't think I would!!). But camping is genuinely more of a break than what I'd expected.

Perhaps a camping type holkday is good. We went to france every year camping. Nice river /pool to swim in or lake/ beach on west coast. The eldest will get freedom csn make friends ride bike etc play tennis /cards/ football etc with people his age and your other children would be catered for too. Just an idea.