To think holidays with kids are 90% shit

[hagridshair]

Currently away with DH and 3 dc (13, 10 and 2) and it’s just not been fun so far. Lovely hotel, loads going on but eldest just wants to be on his phone. He refused to wear a hat today and has been complaining of headache tonight so has been in a bad mood. Middle child is quite easily pleased, toddler too but obviously they are demanding in different ways. Between running around after them all and trying to make sure all are fed, hydrated, sun creamed and entertained me and dh are both knackered. No time to relax.

Eldests attitude has annoyed me a bit even though I know it’s typical teen behaviour. Just not really bothered about chatting or watching the entertainment with us during the evening. It’s also very hot 35 degrees pretty much everyday so I’m worried about keeping them all safe in the sun.

We look forward to this holiday all year and when it happens it always feels like a big anti climax. There have been some good moments, love watching my toddler dancing and enjoying things here for the first time. But it’s very hard work.

@user1476613140 I was cut off from family holidays abroad at 16. Maybe you should do the same then you just have the two youngest next year

Let's face it. 35 degrees is just appallingly high. Humans are meant to completely avoid heat like that

Global warning means people have to be realistic. It isn't safe or fun to holiday or even ge outside in those sort of temperatures

And I have a 13 yesr old and we massively improved our holidays by bringing a friend for him.

When we're away and it's hot, we go out early in the morning and come back some time after lunch for naps/relaxing time, and then go back out again later. It might work for your kids and make it a bit easier - the youngest have a sleep during the hot early afternoon and your eldest can have some time on his phone.

Just because you’re grateful for something doesn’t mean you can’t whinge. OP has worked hard to pay for a holiday I imagine so they have every right to communicate if it’s not how they expected. Can’t be helped and I seriously doubt those calling OP ungrateful have spent their whole lives without communicating annoyance

Can you say right then Mr big 13 you are going to show how grown up you are and cheer up for your little 2 yr old sibling, you are their big big brother and can do no wrong so whatever it is on the phone it can wait until lunchtime, tomorrow morning we shall be going to play X - together as a fucking happy fucking family have I made myself quite clear love you sweetheart

I have the best memories of our holidays with our DC and my SDC (5 of them altogether) so I really can't relate to your post. However, I would never take DC away in the height of summer as the temperatures are excessive so we always did Mediteranean beach holidays in May.

Somebody else having a shitter time than you, doesn’t make a hard time any easier.

People are starving in Gaza, would you wolf down a bowl of gruel for dinner and savour every bite, knowing you have a lovely casserole in the fridge?

OP is allowed not to be happy all the time on holiday, despite the fact others can’t go on holiday.

No I don’t relate to this at all. In general our holidays are great. We have very busy jobs so time away with the kids is lovely. We try and do a balance of activities and relaxing that appeal to each family member and each parent gets some downtime as well. 2 kids with a 2 year age gap so maybe it’s more about the number of children and the age gap you have rather than holiday with kids being shit altogether

@hagridshair you don't sound ungrateful, just hot and tired! It's hot here too and that why everyone has their grumpy pants on!

Go somewhere with a kids club would be my advice. That will keep the youngest entertained and out of the sun for a few hours. The older two are old enough to be ignored for a couple of hours so you can relax. If that needs to be screen based, so be it.

Divide and conquer. Take all three kids for a couple of hours and let DH relax and he can do the same for you.

As the long as the 13 year old is behaving and safe, turn a blind eye to the phone. Enjoy the other two (particularly the ten year old before they inevitably go the same way as the teen!).

I don't believe the people who claim they can't possibly comprehend what you're saying because every moment of every holiday they ever had was sparkles and rainbows. They've just blocked the shit bits out!

YABU

Basic Spain holiday, DD's were happy with beach/pool and a crappy tribute band, a mocktail and an ice cream in the evening (plus WiFi for the older one) and they ate anything and found different food exciting.

I'm not saying this to try to make anyone feel bad, but as a family we have had plenty of holidays that weren't top of the range by any means that we have loved and wouldn't want to discourage others from similar.

I used to love holidays with my children and regret those wonderful days have gone.

Honestly I’m glad to have read this today! My two are 10 and 7 and whilst we have mostly had a nice time it is bloody hard work too. They were both exhausted tonight and have had their moments of being awfully behaved. I think i must have blocked out the crap bits from the last few holidays!

Because growling at Teenagers is highly effective. 🤦🏻‍♀️

@hagridshair It’s tough on holiday, especially with teenagers. If he wants to be on his phone, let him. If he won’t wear a hat outside, he doesn’t go outside, or stays in the shade. If he ignores that and has a headache, he takes a paracetamol and goes to his room until he feels better.

I would caution the “middle child is easily pleased” part as middles will often tell you that’s because they are also easily ignored .

Next year, re-think what a holiday is for your family. Have a chat about what you all want and don’t assume it will be a week in the sun.

We’ve just bought a touring caravan and it’s been fantastic! We had our first trip away last week and the kids made so many friends, were out playing for hours on end and was such an old school 90s feel with kids running all over and no phone signal! Also, it’s pretty cheap to go away in the school holidays- we have a five night break coming up next week for £235 (excluding buying the caravan and insurance of course).

We’re going to do the majority of our holidays in the uk now and perhaps a small trip away abroad earlier in the year.

It’s hard to get stuck in a rut on holiday thinking that everybody must be having a blast all the time. Try not to keep everybody ‘entertained’, it’s abit full on. Fill thermos cups with juice, they’ll drink when they are thirsty. Stop worrying.

My 12 year old enjoys playing on her phone/ipad on holiday- I don’t mind so much as I just see it as getting some down time. She plays games/reads etc on her phone, just like I played Nintendo and read a book. She tends to participate in uno at night and will watch the entertainment if it interests her. I don’t stress too much.

We find the first few days the most tiresome, but then settle into a routine. We absolutely love holidays and taken all our kids from being 6 months old.

The best advice I can give is don’t feel like they all have to be having the best time 24/7. Relax, and let them relax too.

I never had kids, I find them boring, and I hate responsibility, I can well imagine that a holiday with them would be a yawn fest, you however do have them, so it's up to you to reframe it, you can't send em back unfortunately.
Stop being so responsible for the 13 Yr old, at that age I was a miserable sod, most 13 year old are, leave them to it, if they want to be on their phone let them, you're not a fucking red coat, take pleasure from your little one, and the ten Yr old sounds pleasant enough, enjoy it get a bit pissed lol.

This. Hugely enjoyed trips with our kids (They did too) Oldest 30 now, going away with her and her little one next week, at her request. Can’t wait!

I found it hard with my DC this year as I wanted them to love every minute and take advantage of all the activities; I’d worked really hard to pay for it and it then felt they were ungrateful when they weren’t doing the above. I managed to reframe a bit and accept that i had unrealistic expectations and that what I thought they’d enjoy wasn’t always what they did.
It helped to make sure that I had the things that I enjoyed happening so it didn’t feel all about the kids and that was just simple things like half an hour reading my book with a drink etc. On one holiday we instigated an after lunch wind down where the kids could spend an hour on their tablets in the air conditioned hotel room and DH and I took it in turns doing what we wanted for that hour and we were all happy

Yep, DH and I when we discover a nice destination- "This place is really nice. We should come here without the kids so we can actually enjoy it"

We know we aren't the only ones who say it either!

Holidays with kids can be hard.

Let the eldest go be on his phone. If he's in a foul mood stop trying to make him be in a better mood, just tell him you're sorry his head hurts but it's not ok to snarl at people/complain constantly [or insert whatever other unacceptable behavior he's been choosing] and send him off to the room to watch TV or leave him on the fringes on his phone if you're not close enough to the room/he can't be trusted. If you're booking entertainment or other outings give him whatever options are available to him (go with you, stay in hotel room, go to teen's club, etc) and then tell him he needs to pick one and stick with it without being actively unpleasant. Let go of the need to make him have a good time with the rest of you in whatever way you envisioned; let him engage in holiday time in whatever way he chooses as long as it doesn't impair everyone else's own enjoyment (or pose a safety issue or disturb other guests, obviously). The more you try to force him to have fun with you the worse everyone's mood will get.

For the other two the age gap is just tough. Do some divide and conquer time with you and DH splitting them between you (make sure to swap) and also look for some activities the older one could do independently if the hotel offers that so you and DH can take just the 2 year old. If the hotel has a kids club option for the 2 year old consider doing a short stretch so you and DH can take the older one for some big-kid time.

You are wrong.

They are 100% shit.

Definitely not. Best holidays of my life were with our dv. Mostly camping. So much freedom for them.

I think the key is reflecting after the holiday on what went well and what didn't, and taking it into consideration when booking the next one. Do it before your memories fade!

I'm a single mum of two boys (10 and 6) and all three of us have autism and/or adhd. I struggle parenting at home, so assumed going away would be awful. Then I saw my friend with 3 ND boys going on holiday with them, and decided to give it a go.

Started with 3 nights away in the UK visiting theme parks. Next 4 nights in Spain, also focused on a theme park. After that we did a week in Majorca by the beach, but in April with very dodgy weather. A couple of weeks ago we came back from a week in Rhodes, and it was heaven. I learnt so much on the first few holidays that helped. I realised my youngest will be wild on day 1/2 because of the change, but he WILL settle. I will spiral on day 1/2 because it all feels too hard and too far away from home, both in time and distance. That feeling will also fade. We need either self catering facilities or full AI because they are tricky eaters and eating out was so stressful in majorca (we were B&B). We need reliable weather so that the pool is always an option. And set rules before leaving about tech use with the eldest. Tech stays in the room (I stuck to the same rules as much as possible). Rhodes was 40+ every day but we made it work. Lots of pool time, down time in the air conditioning in the room. We just had the best time and all want to go back.

Basically what I'm saying is, if it isn't working - change it! Be creative and flexible about what you book. Write down what didn't work as soon as you get home, and use that the next time you book.

I get it OP.

We are very well travelled, holiday 3/4 times a year with the children but I am always struck by the fear.

It’s a bit easier now they’re 4 and 11, but f me.. we’ve had some hard ones over the years. My wee one identifies as a fish and I hate swimming pools. The older one likes to chill out with his Kindle (he’s my spirit animal) - but we get on with it and we do have fun, but I come home a wreck.

I absolutely hated holidays with toddlers, mine are now 12 and 9 and for the past few years they have become lots of fun again. Teens are hard and I imagine I will face similar to you in the next few years OP and it’s ok to be disappointed and to have a moan about things even though we know are lucky to have them, we are allowed our feelings.