To think holidays with kids are 90% shit

[hagridshair]

Currently away with DH and 3 dc (13, 10 and 2) and it’s just not been fun so far. Lovely hotel, loads going on but eldest just wants to be on his phone. He refused to wear a hat today and has been complaining of headache tonight so has been in a bad mood. Middle child is quite easily pleased, toddler too but obviously they are demanding in different ways. Between running around after them all and trying to make sure all are fed, hydrated, sun creamed and entertained me and dh are both knackered. No time to relax.

Eldests attitude has annoyed me a bit even though I know it’s typical teen behaviour. Just not really bothered about chatting or watching the entertainment with us during the evening. It’s also very hot 35 degrees pretty much everyday so I’m worried about keeping them all safe in the sun.

We look forward to this holiday all year and when it happens it always feels like a big anti climax. There have been some good moments, love watching my toddler dancing and enjoying things here for the first time. But it’s very hard work.

I think you've got a great point there about being so invested in 1 x holiday per year. I think it's better to have two or three shorter, probably UK, breaks scattered throughout the year. Less time, money and investment may help reduce expectations (I know our older children would hate to be away from their friends for more than a week these days, so we don't do it).

Ok 👍🏻

Some of my best memories are of holidays with my DDs when they were younger. We alternated big family holidays (21 of us) in the U.K., which my DDs and their cousins remember fondly, with road trips in the US and U.K. cottage holidays. Always lots of day trips and activities. None of us like the heat so a Mediterranean hotel holiday was never happening in the summer, we did Spain in the October break, in a villa. Mumsnet hates this; but we always took grandparents with us to spread the load.

And what would that achieve apart from making him more whingy and therefore causing more stress for everyone?

I think the pressure to make sure everyone is having the best time is absolutely emotionally draining, it's difficult but maybe try to accept that you cant take it all on. If teen wants to be on his phone and grunt let him get on with it.
Holidays with kids are alot of pressure but letting go of some of the expectations can help you feel a bit more chilled and enjoy it for yourself more too.

Wine!

Most of our holidays are with grandparents, makes it so much easier and gives more adult conversation.

@CloudPopit’s every summer people complain about having to spend time with their children. I understand juggling childcare would be stressful but actually spending time together seems to be difficult for some people too.

For my family they are shit. Even when we just had our oldest he was hard work. We took him.to the Dominican Republic aged 5 and he would insist on going back to our hotel room every night as soon as the kids entertainment finished. Hes autistic so we couldn't just make him stay out with us. My husband struggles to cope on family holidays too se normally has at least one meltdown. We dont bother now

I’m not complaining about spending time with them. If you think that you are either looking to be morally superior or you have totally misread the thread. The struggle is keeping 3 with different needs entertained in hot temperatures away from home comforts. The struggle is the disappointment you feel when an expensive holiday you’ve been looking forward to for ages doesn’t play out how you expect.

But actually the eldest has found some friends today and has been a lot happier and sociable so things are looking up.

Signing off now as really can’t be arsed with all the silly insinuations that I hate my children and don’t want to spend time with them. MN is great sometimes but my god there are some twats here too.

@MangoBlinkThat is unusual though. For many families it’s AI, sit by the pool and drink and eat. They don’t leave the complex. Definitely not in some countries like DR. Once dc get knowledge they can have sensible input but if they are never given opportunities to form opinions, they don’t have any. It’s up to parents to open their eyes. Phones and gaming plus most people on AI don’t do this so there needs to be compromise and something all might enjoy for at least some of the time.

I can imagine if you go to all inclusive type holidays then it probably would seem disappointing as they’re typically places to relax and that’s never going to really happen with 3 children unless they all love a kids club. We love our trips but we’ve always been quite active travellers so having children hasn’t really affected things too much on that front. When we go abroad we travel the country even if it’s only two weeks, always hire a car and stay in a selection of apartments/air b&bs with multiple rooms.

I appreciate that would be some people’s nightmare but it seems to really work for our children so far and they love exploring as much as us. If they’ve napped/are in a good mood we’ll find somewhere cute to go out for dinner - restaurants on a beachfront are ideal when with younger ones, but if not DH will go out for a takeaway. The evenings when they’re in bed are when we finally relax, we book a mix of more budget and high end places so that we can enjoy a few nights in a hot tub on the balcony in the evenings with a wine for example and that’s our real ‘holiday’ part of it!

Also on the running around after them, I really wouldn’t stress too much, just leave out a bottle of water for them…even my 3 year old is good at helping himself to it often enough when he gets thirsty. If the eldest wants to spend an afternoon in the hotel room I’d let him have some space and he might then be more open to doing something the next day.

I've found holidays with kids need to embrace what they are interested in - museums, parks, kayaking, whatever. If you take a teenager or even a junior age kid to somewhere where it's boiling hot and there's nothing to do other than sit next to a pool or watch "entertainment" they are going to be bored and either act up or spend the whole time on the phone chatting to their mates. Of course the holiday needs to have something for everyone but the devil makes work for idle hands as they say.

We have a holiday book ‘theme’ that helps with planning. DD1 is autistic so everything needs planned in advance so she knows what to expect. We nearly always camp because it means the ‘home base’ is the same every year.

Our most successful theme was a ‘Famous Five’ holiday in Dorset. The ‘Robin Hood’ theme in Sherwood Forest was really good too. This year we tried a hotel for our ‘London Eye Mystery’ theme which was a challenge for DD1 but really enjoyable for her sister.

Honestly it's kids. Don't give yourself a hard time. Different ages and stages.
We can't win sometimes
Try enjoy rest of the summer xx

Our hardest were when the dc were little. No, not the dc, dd. I used to hate the first couple of days, but then she'd settle. Mine are close in age though, so by the time they were 5+, we had great years. Luckily, they both like the pool/ sea, so that was us done.

Got a bit trickier when ds was about 14, but i think that was also because we ended up in the kind of place we'd always avoided- untethered kids playing knock and run; loud music all evening; Sunday fucking roast....

I get it. You work your arse off all year and all you want is to chill and have a nice time. It'll come back.

Oh get off your high horse and stop looking down that superior snoz of yours.
OP you are completely normal!

I have a friend that acknowledged holidays are 90% shit, and said that it was worth it for the little moments in between. The ones that don't always happen in day to day life. She had an awkward family agewise with a disability in the mix so it was tough. She said she decided to take note of each little moment as it occurred. I found her inspiring. She told a story of a stressful day and during lunch something silly happened and everyone laughed together and she thought to herself, that's it! That's a special moment right there. There's probably one to be found every day. Try to find it and the 9% tolerable and the 1% wonderful will feel like it eventually outweighs the 90% shit.

I agree with this logic.

Holidays with the children are my most favourite thing to do in the whole world! Like a few other posters I sometimes struggle to understand why so many people seem to really hate it and struggle. (And absolutely nothing to do with wanting to feel superior which is daft as everyone enjoys different things!).
Our normal life is lovely but it's hard work, I work 50hrs a week, run a household, look after 2 young children, sort uniforms, hobbies, life admin, it never stops ever. Holidays where both me and DH are off work, we don't need to work to school or hobbies schedules, no cooking or cleaning, it's just absolutely bliss in comparison!

@EaglemomI’m not looking down on OP but do find these posts quite sad. They’re repeated every year. I think there is an even split between those of us who enjoy holidays with the kids & those who don’t seem to.

I would say from the replies that the people who do more varied & less hot (temperature) holidays find the kids easier to deal with. I think intense heat can make things far more stressful. I think that’s why haven caravan holidays & Center Parcs can be quite popular.

Let the eldest be. He’s too old to be wearing a hat if he doesn’t want to. As long as he’s not rude, take the pressure off your expectations of him. Let him enjoy the holiday how he wants rather than your version of how he should be enjoying it.

I disagree. We've been abroad 3 times with our kids so far. Yes we still have to parent and because we are abroad be even more vigilant but that's to be expected surely?

You've got a big age gap so I'd split up and do some things. Hopefully now he has found company in terms of other kids he will start enjoying the holiday more.

Next year maybe involve him in the planning, travel at a different time of year, go somewhere less hot. It's awful when it's the holiday you've saved up hard for, really looked forward to and one of the kids just doesn't enjoy it.

You can't choose your age gaps by the way.

@SquishedMallow Life doesn’t work like that though for many women. The age of new mums is going up and men won’t commit to being dads. The world has changed. My DD1 is 33. 2 of her close school friends (girls) have dc. And she has a lot of childless women work friends too. Housing costs etc just make life very difficult even if the dh is willing!