To think holidays with kids are 90% shit

[hagridshair]

Currently away with DH and 3 dc (13, 10 and 2) and it’s just not been fun so far. Lovely hotel, loads going on but eldest just wants to be on his phone. He refused to wear a hat today and has been complaining of headache tonight so has been in a bad mood. Middle child is quite easily pleased, toddler too but obviously they are demanding in different ways. Between running around after them all and trying to make sure all are fed, hydrated, sun creamed and entertained me and dh are both knackered. No time to relax.

Eldests attitude has annoyed me a bit even though I know it’s typical teen behaviour. Just not really bothered about chatting or watching the entertainment with us during the evening. It’s also very hot 35 degrees pretty much everyday so I’m worried about keeping them all safe in the sun.

We look forward to this holiday all year and when it happens it always feels like a big anti climax. There have been some good moments, love watching my toddler dancing and enjoying things here for the first time. But it’s very hard work.

Oh wow make op feel like crap for having a moan!
It sounds like hard work op - l am away with my 13 year old at the moment and have decided to relax rules around phone usage cos quite frankly l want to chill and read my book in peace. It sounds like hard work- maybe next year go somewhere that isn't quite as hot to take the sunstroke and sunburn issue out of it?

Massive generalisation which is not my experience at all. We spent 2 weeks away (Europe and it was very hot) with our DCs 15 and 12 and had a wonderful time. We had a villa and travelled around visiting different local towns and attractions. They used their phones when travelling but not really much otherwise. We had a ‘no phones by the pool’ rule. When we were chilling at the villa we played a lot of card games and read.
I think it depends on what your family time is like at home - you can’t suddenly expect everyone to have a personality transplant because they’re on holiday. Have a think about whether DS’s screen time is an issue at home.

Aww, I felt a little sad for you reading that 🥺. I know our time will come too. It's a bitter sweet thing watching them one day slowly 'detach ' but ultimately it's healthy for them to start navigating the world without us. That's why like you, I live in the moment, and enjoy their chaos and energy on a family holiday!

You are correct, minimum 90% shit

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself, setting yourself up for a let down.

Holidays are just away from school work or whatever not a magical portal where teenagers transform into unicorns (sorry!).

I try and go with the flow a bit, take the rough with the smooth type thing and don’t “make memories” or all that BS.

Maybe do something more low key as PP suggest. I find staying somewhere in the UK for a few days is less stressful.

I have experienced this myself, it can be hard work especially with children of different ages! I think this post is great advice! Also When in the same position with my 15 and 1 year old in may the holiday improved ten fold when I dropped all expectations and went with the flow.. hoping you have a lovely rest of your hard earned holiday Op

@Louiestopit totally agree it depends on the child. One of the main criteria for the past few years for us was a multi use pitch, being anywhere without one is just not worth it. DS1 will play sport all day long and hang out with any other kids who come along. We had a big gap then twins so we also needed DS1 to be essentially unsupervised but nearby and safe when dealing with babies and toddlers. This really limited choices. Dd could go anywhere, if she was an only kid I think we would have been the kind of family to travel and explore the world a bit. Ds2 likes consistency and routine and gets lost easily so it would take him a few days to get used to a new place, he also likes a lot of wind down time so we couldn't do more than one thing a day, very different children indeed!

@SquishedMallowwe made a holiday diary in case it’s our last one! Maybe she will still want to come next year 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's far from "the best idea ever" it's that toxic mentality that fuels inability to parent these days

I had a friend, that I had to distance from due to the poor behaviour of her kids.

They turned into spoilt, needy, demanding, rude brats.

From the day they were born her and her husband just couldn't seem to grasp that their lives would need to change. They would palm the kids off on aunt's/uncles/friends/grandparents for the most basic of tasks (going to co-op/dropping off a parcel ) and these nasty habits spiralled and escalated.

They now have two 11-14 night holidays abroad in far away destinations just the two of them. And when they come back copious guilt gifts and presents are flung at the kids who snatch them ungratefully and demand more. Because they then have a guilt complex terrible Diva behaviour from the kids is ignored and so their behaviour becomes worse and the parents "need to get away alone" even more. They've created their own monster.

They also treat their kids like separate from them in other ways. They have nice takeaways or home cooked curries etc and kids eat freezer food nuggets 2 hours before them. If you don't include them in a "family meal" In the first place, they'll never broaden their pallet.

Anyway I digress. But I hope you get the point I'm making.

I always say holidays are the highest highs and the lowest lows- moments that fill you all with love and make you all grateful for your family, then but a few hours later people not talking because of an argument or children crying. I think it’s the ridiculously high expectations- money has been spent and this is the one week everyone has told you you’re so lucky to have, and a huge percentage of your annual leave! Don’t even talk to me about holidays of a stupid lifetime where you spend money that would have fixed up your house, or resulted in fantastic savings, and all come home barely speaking …

Perhaps you need to look at holidays with activities that will excite your children. Adventure camp type places with activities such as canoeing, boating, rock climbing etc, instead of going somewhere too hot to do anything. https://aviemoreholidaypark.com/activities.html

I have a 20 year old who doesn't come away with us anymore (understandably) and a 12 yo who, although not ungrateful, does get bored on longer holidays as no siblings to hang about with. This year, instead of one big holiday, I've done weekend or few day breaks with him plus days out where he's been able to bring a friend. This has worked really well and has broken the year/school holidays up for him and I've come back feeling refreshed too. So far, we've done Warwick, London, Birmingham, Lincolnshire, Yorkshire and Wales as trips away. Next week we're going to Cromer as he loves the beach and then before he goes back to school, we are staying at Alton Towers for one night and doing the water park too and then Chester and visiting an inflatable assault course on a lake nearby. We've been pretty lucky with the weather too!

Unfair and harsh

Wow, do you have children?

Yes I absolutely do thankyou very much. I just happen to be able to cope with parenting them.

Just come back from abroad with 2 teenagers that begged to go abroad this year only to spend half the time in their room and grumpy. DH nearly lost the plot that we'd spent a fortune for the kids to sit in their room for a week . The holidays where we've stayed in the UK have been a far bigger hit with the kids even though they won't admit it.

I think the trouble is that babies and toddlers are hard work, then 4-11 is prime holiday enjoyment for kids when they love kids club, activities and the mini disco. Then the teenage years hit and they don't want to join in or make holiday friends like they used to. So for you having a 2 year old and a teenager it is double whammy.

I've been there and done that! It can feel like such hard work - sunburn, dehydration...nagging about the sunburn and dehydration! Tablets or phones, different agendas, moods. BUT - I realised this the other day looking at photos from when mine were smaller and on holiday (late teens now) and I realise there were so many good parts as well and I'm promise that's what predominantly stays with you. Those memories are stronger and this will mean a lot to your kids too. It's not rose tinted glasses, I know how challenging it was at the time but the good memories are definitely stronger.

Probs does. And the kicker is they’ll blame her for all their childhood trauma anyway! Even if she did slave over the stove lovingly preparing meals that they sat and enjoyed together and carried them with bleeding, chafed skin to every appt she had, never leaving them with relatives even for a moment. If they’re boys she’ll barely see the Grandkids etc etc, she was an almond Mum so I don’t eat enough, she didn’t stop us eating and now we’re obese, blah blah blah.

Tbh I think the phone is the issue. 13 is very young for an addictive technology. No wonder they don’t want to get off it.

You horrible human

Disagree. OP doesn’t know she’s born and needs to relinquish her sense of control

Beach/Resort holidays are if what you want is a relaxing time by the pool because you wont get it. I had big age gaps too and that makes it doubly hard.

Its hot, the food is different, the routine is different and all the handy things at home that you take for granted are not in a hotel. The last thing a holiday with young children is is relaxing ime!

So when the kids were little we changed it. Drove over to N. France and stayed in SC accommodation. We saw loads of things in Normandy including the Bayeaux Tapestry and went out and about seeing things. The place we stayed (Chateau Les Eaux, then Keycamp, now Canvas I believe) has a small water park, so we did a couple of days doing that. Then some time in Paris doing the Louvre, Disney (dont bother) Parc Asterix (amazing!!). All in our own car and because we were self catering food was easier and would pick up and stored stuff like bags of ice or milk or whatever that its hard to do in a hotel room. Bonus being that it was much cheaper as it was SC and no hire car needed.

I could do a resort holiday as they got older but none of them wanted to, so waiting on retirement for that!

Not all people can have their kids close together though due to finances or fertility struggles

I hated holidays when mine was small. It's the same grafting as everyday just without all the stuff you have to make life easier at home. Days out is the trick when they're young.

Why don’t you holiday somewhere less hot that has a kids club? Also surely they all enjoy going in the pool