To think holidays with kids are 90% shit

[hagridshair]

Currently away with DH and 3 dc (13, 10 and 2) and it’s just not been fun so far. Lovely hotel, loads going on but eldest just wants to be on his phone. He refused to wear a hat today and has been complaining of headache tonight so has been in a bad mood. Middle child is quite easily pleased, toddler too but obviously they are demanding in different ways. Between running around after them all and trying to make sure all are fed, hydrated, sun creamed and entertained me and dh are both knackered. No time to relax.

Eldests attitude has annoyed me a bit even though I know it’s typical teen behaviour. Just not really bothered about chatting or watching the entertainment with us during the evening. It’s also very hot 35 degrees pretty much everyday so I’m worried about keeping them all safe in the sun.

We look forward to this holiday all year and when it happens it always feels like a big anti climax. There have been some good moments, love watching my toddler dancing and enjoying things here for the first time. But it’s very hard work.

I mean it's harder than if you were just on your own or with friends obviously!
But I always enjoy our holidays and I have 3 kids.
I have a 10yo a 7yo and a 1yo.
The first thing I do is ban all tech on holiday. But I have always done this so they don't ask for it because they know the rule. All tech (phones, ipads, switch) left at home. I'm not shelling out for a holiday just to have the kids sat staring at screens.
I also make sure to consider how stressful everything will be. I do one activity a day and it doesn't ever start till past midday. I also just choose the things we do, plan them then just tell the kids what's going to be happening. So there's no arguing. Again I've always done this so they don't question it and just go along with whatever.
Obviously I do think about what they'd all like to do.
I always book self catering villa/airbnb so there's somewhere with space to come back to and just chill. Separate rooms for the kids so they can go and be in them if they are winding each other up.
I also insist on proper sleep. The kids are absolutely not allowed to wake each other or us up if they wake early. They can go to the bathroom, get water or fruit but they have to remain in their rooms doing a quiet activity until its the set time to get up. Again this is something ive always enforced. Theres nothing worse than everyone being overtired!! Sleep is important.
Take a rucksack full of anything you might ever need everywhere you go.
And just don't have massively high expectations about what's going to be achieved.
I research the place before we travel and come up with A and B plans for each day.
So that's all done before we even set off.
We went to Florence last year and it was amazing.. yes quite stressful.. but really a holiday of a lifetime. And it was brought in for pretty cheap too.

Tbf I've not got teens yet though.

But from what I remember of being a teen altho i did sit through holidays with a face like thunder not really engaging.. I have still remembered those holidays positively and all the beautiful things I saw... so I'm going to believe it does mean something to them even if they've gone full Kevin!!

I think it really depends on the kids. When we had toddlers holidays were always a bit of an endurance exercise where I might get lucky and do 1 or 2 things I enjoy and the rest was kids stuff.

Once youngest was 4 it really improved as we could go to restaurants and enjoy the food in peace and do longer outings. It still means compromise even now, but we often bring a grandparent to take the pressure off and give DH and me a day by ourselves.

Add on from earlier comment:

DH and I have a herd of kids with a big age range and the different stages make things really hard. We've found that making room in our budget to bring a sitter with us on big-family trips has sometimes been worth it just to help with that aspect. But we've also made the choice to do big full-family trips less often and mix them with smaller trips with one parent and one or two DC, tailored to them. That's been a more satisfying use of our budget.

Can't either you or DH take the 13 year old out to do something they'd like to do separate from the younger ones? And swap over to the 10 year old, or both on another day. You can't possibly expect a 13 year old to be as equally entertained as a toddler.

And no, taking kids on holiday is not shit, it's fun despite their groans and moans, that's part of it, as they usually come home with a smile.

Well I’m on holiday with a 12 yo, 14 yo and 18 yo as well as DD28 who is their auntie and disabled. Because of this things take time.
They wear their sun cream, don’t sulk about or complain, have fun and join in.

It will always be hard work with kids but you need to address his behaviour or the others will follow suit in years to come.

I think you’re brave to go far with a 2 yr old. Hopefully it’ll be more fun when they’re older?

Everything is wank once you involve the kids 😂

The key point is they aren't really a holiday, not in the sense you knew holidays before. They are new experiences.

I'll reflect on past holidays and say I am glad I went on every single one even if they weren't all fun in the moment (some were downright grim but I'm probably most glad I did those ones - last holiday with ageing parents etc). You're creating a bond and much as I hate the phrase making memories, this is probably very much what you're doing with your children. If possible, plan an actual holiday with friends if you can while DC are elsewhere. Then you get a break as well as enjoying the family holiday.

Same here! Plus we never did resort type holidays so that was never a factor.

Our dc is a young adult now living away at university & still wants to come on holidays & trips with us.

When dc was younger we did 2 centre trips like 3 days in Venice & 10 days by Lake Garda etc

Or 3 days in Palma & 7 days travelling around Mallorca

So we had the best of all worlds. We only did the beach thing once on the trip to Mallorca as dc wanted to try that sort of a holiday.

We've gone on lots & lots of city breaks & its still our favourite type of trip.

And, yes, we did them when dc was a baby / toddler too!

Our dc's first trip as a 12 month old was to Melbourne. It was fantastic!

We've found the most successful holidays to be those where there are other kids to play with. For us that has meant short camping trips or going on holiday with family in eg and Airbnb. We like having the freedom and control to do what we like during the day whether that be kid or adult oriented days out or downtime.

There are a couple of times when DS has been very homesick on holiday despite me planning child friendly stuff eg campsite in France/Efteling theme park in the Netherlands. Other times he surprises me by enjoying things I didn't realise he would like!

Totally agree with you OP. More trouble than they’re worth. We’ve decided not to go away this summer and the amount of times I have thought ‘thank god we’re not on holiday!’

I would give the 13 yo more slack. Evenings can stay in hotel room for example. Reach a compromise, less stress. Also they may then decide to do more off their own back

i can see your point and mine are close in age. i decided against the family holiday and we are just doing days out this year and the budget for the days out is better because I’m not spending on accommodation and travel. It is still exhausting but at least it’s cheaper. We are fortunate that we live in a very popular area for tourists in the uk so there’s a lot to do on our doorstep and I realise that isn’t the case for many.

The ages of your children are making it tricky to keep everyone happy.
It would be better if you and hubby can separate a few days to do individualthings with the kids. Like you go out with eldest, then all meet for lunch and dinner. Then he does something with the eldest next day ect..
mine hate the heat so we tend not to go away in summer anymore, preferring Easter or October school holidays, maybe this might be better for you next year?
Not ungrateful, we work hard for these luxury's

YANBU. We always go on Mark Warner holidays so we don’t have to suffer the pain of the faces of three teenagers with faces like slapped arses.

They love meeting new friends and the water sports and me and DH actually enjoy ourselves as we hardly see them!!

Yep, dd is also at uni and still wants to come with us. And we want to take her!

We have never really gone for beach type holidays either. Too dull for our liking but each to their own!

In the 13 year old bored? It's very difficult to please a 2 year old and a 13 year old at the same time. I have a large age gap between my children, so speaking from experience! When my eldest was 13 he would not have wanted to hang around a pool and hotel all day, he wanted to get out and about and do things and see things. Of course, he liked pool/beach but not for more than half a day. That makes it hard because toddlers can't manage the same things, but you can please different people at different times. And it's also very hot.
My child at 13 would have hated the hotel entertainment too. I don't remember relaxing on a holiday for years myself, but now my children are older I miss how they were.

Why the hell would you cut people out of holidays? for me they are special, and no more infrequent times with family, my DD will always be welcome as long as they want to come.

Depends on the child. I travelled the world, literally, with my first child, from when he was 18 months.

My 3rd child makes me weep going to the corner shop. Holidays with her are just awful, she can turn any given situation into a circle of hell.

Relax on a holiday with kids? Not a chance. However, good to have time to spend with them without having to go to work/do the cleaning (all the rest, the food, the drinks, the bedtimes are the same sort of thing as at home). We don't do holidays abroad - much too stressful!

Pahahhaha! So true!

YANBU - we just returned from a holiday abroad with our 13 year old, to a destination they chose and their face was tripping them the full time
Didn't want to go anywhere, see anything, participate
I couldn't wait to get home and won't be doing it again next year
We weren't comfortable to go out and leave them alone in the apartment either
Was miserable xx

Not all holidays with kids are shit?!

We just got back from a uk beach holiday with DC 6 &8.

It was bloody brilliant. We went kayaking, swam in the sea every day, played cricket on the beach, ate loads of fish & chips and ice cream. Silly card and board games. We pottered about the local town and bought fudge and sticks of rock.

Honestly i had a lovely time.

I don't think holidays with young children is ever completely relaxing as you can never turn your back, but I think the key is to let things slide a bit, don't stress over the minor things, don't worry about the screen time, try to mix things up a bit, get them involved in activities, DD's loved messing about in the pool with DH, or building sand castles, water sports.

Perhaps try to give each other some time out to relax.