To think holidays with kids are 90% shit

[hagridshair]

Currently away with DH and 3 dc (13, 10 and 2) and it’s just not been fun so far. Lovely hotel, loads going on but eldest just wants to be on his phone. He refused to wear a hat today and has been complaining of headache tonight so has been in a bad mood. Middle child is quite easily pleased, toddler too but obviously they are demanding in different ways. Between running around after them all and trying to make sure all are fed, hydrated, sun creamed and entertained me and dh are both knackered. No time to relax.

Eldests attitude has annoyed me a bit even though I know it’s typical teen behaviour. Just not really bothered about chatting or watching the entertainment with us during the evening. It’s also very hot 35 degrees pretty much everyday so I’m worried about keeping them all safe in the sun.

We look forward to this holiday all year and when it happens it always feels like a big anti climax. There have been some good moments, love watching my toddler dancing and enjoying things here for the first time. But it’s very hard work.

I’m the same and wish I had given up years ago. My eldest is nearly 18 now, that’s 17 years of trying to ‘Survive’ holidays.

I used to love holidays too. I am
almost phobic about them now.

Does anything ever play out exactly how we imagine?

It’s a serious question - because it’s the source of a lot of frustration and disappointment. And sitcoms.

I think we’d stand a lot more chance of enjoying things if we put less time and effort into imagining how we’re going to enjoy it.

Oh come on. You don't live in a war zone (I assume) so don't you dare complain about anything ever. This is Mumsnet..plenty of space for people to have a moan and get some solidarity about everyday parenting. Not everything has to be a giant trauma to be worth mentioning.

We’ve one dd and been holidaying abroad several times a year since she was 3 months. Can honestly say we’ve never had a shit holiday. This includes holidays with us 3, with my family, dh family and friends.

OP, given that there are two of you, divide and conquer. Research what's around you and ask the teen what he'd like..a zip.line, a water park, karting, riding, a surf lesson. The ten year old sounds like they'll go along with whatever and the two year old just needs shade and a ball / beach. Allow the teen downtime in his phone up to a reasonable point and don't push the evening entertainment..it's mostly cringe and awful. Have you got a pack of cards? Uno? Try and meet him half way. And take time for you too...I'm an SP and once mine reached those ages I made it clear it was my holiday too and we'd be doing some stuff I wanted too as well.

I find it quite sad that a 13 year old has an option of being on a phone.

This is why so many schools are now banning smart phones until Y10 and a pledge you can sign to not get kids smart phones. Its so bad for their MH.

My 14 year old can have his phone unlocked in the evening on holiday as we do stuff all day.

@hagridshair take the phone away and tell him to go and have fun and he can have his phone back in the evening when he is less grumpy.

You can really tell the posters who have one child Vs two, three or more. Well done and thank you to the ones with one who acknowledge that it's far easier with one, and with two parents to one-child ratio, too.

The person who talked about different people (and let's remember children are people) needing different things all at the same time hit the nail on the head. This is one of the trickiest things to navigate when you're spending time together 24/7. One child might be sporty and independent, another clingy and need naps, one might be easy going and laid back, another might need routine, familiarity and lots of down time. Throw in hormones, less sleep, heat, expectations etc and it can be difficult and make you wonder why you bother.

You are only one person OP, and are doing your best. I have a grumpy phone-addicted 14yo and worry, too. But it's just a phase and we connect by spending a few mins here and there 1:1.

Oh, and to the people berating the OP for choosing a holiday in August or for having a big age gap...seriously 🙄

Just take the phone away, there may be luck back initially but you’re the parents and your kid is only 13. Take control and set boundaries just because it’s a holiday doesn’t mean kids don’t still need rules.

I can imagine with three with the age gapd it is very hard to please everyine. We have two with a 4 year gap and we definitely have to havr low expectations with regards to how enjoyable it will be as an adult. That said, we do love our holidays, although we don't have a teen, yet. This year in fact I havr not booked a holiday becuase I actually dient want to spend 10 grand running about making sure kids were not drowning, trying to keep them entertained, listening to winges about being too hot and then sitting in the room for half the day while they watch ipads as they didnt want to go outside and having them refuse to do any of the kids clubs and forking out hundreds on excursions just to have something to do. My kids age gap has just got the the point where the older one is wanting to assert his independance (tween).
So this year I havr forgone our annual summer holiday, weve spent money on lots of day trips and a couple of short breaks in the UK and I am not regretting it. We all get to come home to our space and comfort at home at the end of the day.
Might think about cheaper short breaks again next year!

OP take a deep breath!

perfectly normal for a -3 year old to be phone obsessed and not want to join in activities when they know no one. Also to refuse a hat!

maybe try and agree some phone free hours and get them to identify something they do want to do?

all day sun creams help with the sunburn worry.

is there a kids club the middle one would enjoy?

also- maybe arrange your days so that you and dh both get an hour to yourself each day? An hour to chill/read/whatever will make it feel much more like a holiday.

Holidays have always been more challenging for us, too, op. We have a 6 year age gap and a family of neurodivergence and it dawned on us last year that we were doing the wrong kind of holiday which we had simply outgrown. We used to tow our caravan to France every year. A long journey, loads of setting up, dismantling etc involved and we were all on top of each other in the heat. Dd is horrendous when she's too hot, too tired, too hungry, too anything really. Ds is lovely but very 'in your face' due to (at that time) untreated adhd. I finally has enough and said not again!

This year, totally different holiday. Flew to a different place, lovely air conditioned accommodation, huge variety of activities to do to please different ages. Interspersed days out with days around the pool giving everyone some down time. We're less precious about teenage ds (14) spending every second with us, so have allowed him to come and go as he pleases when we're at the complex. Often he chills out for a while and then chooses to spend some time at the pool with us cooling off. Days out are non negotiable involvement but we choose things we all enjoy, or a mix of activities to suit everyone and stress it's a 'family holiday' so we've all get to do something we want to do, ans other things that others want to do. For the first time ever we've also hit the 'sweet spot' for age difference - 8 and 14 - and they seem to be getting on really well/ have more in common (though are still very different personalities). Ds has even babysat dd (i.e. played Roblox together!) to earn a few more euros and give dh and me a couple of hours together to eat locally.

You have a very large mix of ages, needs and interests which can make it very tough. You may need to reconsider your holiday plans in the light of this and set new boundaries for the teen whilst expecting him to do what teens do.

For all those saying having a grumpy teen attached to a phone/gaming is a phase - dream on! It’s clearly not in many. Lots of people are struggling with late teens or older who are exactly the same. Being pushy about what they must do really is necessary. No one gets to do exactly what they want to do 100% of the time.

The trick is finding something else of interest and getting teens to talk. For us, I could certainly take my 2 away without dh on holidays dc would love at that age. They didn’t need constant attention from a parent. They were interested in what we were doing. So I think engaging them early with what they like works. Even if it isn’t a pool and a blisteringly hot beach. My dc were happy when doing something with other dc. I appreciate some dc don’t like others but like minded dc aren’t that difficult to find and at least dc are happy. We often used small group holidays with other parents. Worked well.

Just let the teen do what he wants. If that means sitting on his phone in the room then so be it.

@Nibbwhat a waste of money though. Maybe go to grandparents in the future? Who wants this when you’ve saved up all year? Who wants it when they are 18? What a nation of do nothing teens we are indulging!

We had 3 including a disabled child, we learned that what worked best for us was a self catering house with a pool. Made sure there was shade somewhere in the outside space. They were happy for hours in water, and no pressure to get up, go for breakfast etc etc. Preferably on the coast so the beach also entertained them, plus I love being by the sea. I prefer self catering as i love visiting markets, a French supermarket can also be amazing ! Plus eating out when and wherever we choose is great. Best UK holiday for teens was a holiday apartment right on the beach in Croyde with surf school for them ( and me. I love the sea !)

@Sahara123So your dc came out of their bedrooms then? How can op entice hers out. He’s got a pool. And a beach I assume.

Also we had a fair age gap so when the eldest didn’t come with us we used to take a friend for the youngest ( non disabled ) daughter so she had some company.

I agree but manage your battles. A 13 year old doesn't need to wear a hat , they just make you hotter. Sunglasses and water yes

Not in our experience, I've loved all my holidays with my kids.

There's a huge age difference between DC and SDC so it's required careful thought regarding the location so there's something for everyone though. If one of us wanted to go to a museum then DH and I would tag team entertaining DC whilst the other read the signs.

We had fantastic holidays in Madeira, Mallorca, Northumberland and Paris where there were things to amuse everyone. Everyone accepted that there would be something to amuse everyone, but not everyone would be amused all of the time.

A whole week by the beach or pool would be boring for us. We do something different every day. So one pool day, one boat trip, one castle, one hike, one theme park, one art gallery etc.

@hagridshair it’s probably just too hot for the 13yo & he might not enjoy evening entertainment. So the concept of a hotel with pool, kids club & entertainment is relaxing but the reality is you might find a different sort of holiday more enjoyable.

I would also maybe go on a few smaller & cheaper breaks throughout the year so you are less invested.

There are some funny TikTok clips at the moment of teenage boys appearing for the day around 2pm - I think you need to pick your battles.

There are so many threads like this, about how much people hate having holidays with their children. It’s so sad. I’ve always loved holidays with my children. It genuinely grieves me to think about how many people seem to find spending time with their children unbearable.

@hagridshair I honestly think you need to avoid heat as it’s totally stifling what you can do. Obviously DS doesn’t care that it’s a lovely place. He maybe doesn’t know what else is available? Have you hired a car? Gone out to another area to have a mooch around in the evening? You seem stuck in a very hot resort. I’d be hating that too.

I think you need to be a lot more imaginative.

@CloudPop If a dc is on their phone all day, would you see that as productive time with dc? Should the op stay in the room with him? I never had this issue and I suspect you didn’t but what is the answer do you think?

Your post reads that your assuming we sat by a pool on an AI holiday
We didn't
They have the experience to choose a destination because they are well travelled. Not that it's any of your business but we travel a lot every year and they wanted to go back to this particular destination.
Hope that helps

Not the case at all. Don’t find spending time with them ‘unbearable’ what a silly thing to say. It’s just difficult trying to please everyone.

I’d find a holiday that was “90% shit” pretty unbearable