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Original poster

Sons boyfriend ruining our holiday

205 replies

SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 18:30

DS is 21, his bf is 19 (turning 20 during this trip). They've been dating for about a year and to be honest I don't know much about him. He's not very talkative and while I have tried it doesn't really go anywhere

His BF is has MH issues. We're currently away in Spain. We got here Sunday. Since then there's been nothing but problems with bf, complaining about the food even food I've seen him eat, pizza etc he doesn't want or like apparently.

He's been overly touchy and kissing with DS in front of us (me, DD, my sister & her children) and DS hasn't said anything but I can tell he looks uncomfortable.

He's taken a dislike to DD for some reason and told DS she threatened him, she's 14 and didn't witness this but I doubt she did. He just seems generally in a mood, doesn't want to go anywhere. DS kindly asked if he'd taken his meds and he started shouting at him and took it as an insult.

There's more but I don't want to make this too long. I wish I hadn't let him come now, I want to go home early.

OP posts:
JudithOnHolidayAgain · 12/08/2025 18:33

Send him home early!

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 12/08/2025 18:34

It's not your DS fault, it's the boyfriend's fault. I wonder if you are seeing his true colours and if your DS is really happy? I'd try and make the best of it, tell your DS boyfriend if he doesn't like food etc he can sort his own- he is an adult. Then when you get home have a bit of a heart to heart with DS.

Vaxtable · 12/08/2025 18:37

I would speak to your DS on his own and explain how his bf is making everyone feel and it has to stop

if bf won’t then bf needs to go home early and won’t be invited on any more holidays

HerecomesMargo · 12/08/2025 18:38

He sounds like a real mess. Mh issues, no respect, dislikes your child and such an attention seeker.
have a firm word with your ds and ask him if this is what he wants his life to be like.
he sounds like a 19yo brat and im sure your ds can do better.

Actually you should have a firm word with him yourself. Saying stuff about your dd and shouting at your ds- you have the right to speak up. He will probably lash out and then you just send him packing

TonTonMacoute · 12/08/2025 18:39

This isn’t much help for you OP, but serves as a warning to not invite strangers on your holiday, even if your DS/DS thinks they’re the bees knees!

Is he your guest? If so I would be having as sympathetic a discussion as possible. You are concerned he doesn’t seem to be enjoying it, is there anything you can all do to help, but be blunt that he’s spoiling it for everyone else.

citygirl77 · 12/08/2025 18:40

I would be totally hacked off. Speak to this young man and say it’s very apparent he is not enjoying the holiday and maybe it would be better for him to fly home. Sounds like a total fun sponge.

Pollqueen · 12/08/2025 18:49

Sounds a nightmare. I'd take him aside and suggest if he's that unhappy, maybe he should take himself home. If not, put up and shut up. Are you paying for him?

Enrichetta · 12/08/2025 18:52

Tell him to shape up or ship out - and get him on the next EasyJet flight...

Netcurtainnelly · 12/08/2025 18:52

Bet his parents are proud of the way they have bought him up not.
Send him home. What does your son see in him?

Stichintime · 12/08/2025 18:54

Did he financially contribute to the holiday? If not I would be tempted to tell him its not working out and he has to leave, buy a one way ticket if you have to.

crosstalk · 12/08/2025 18:57

Had this with 18 year old child's 16yo friend. Spoke to him, suggested he go home early, arranged it with parents and bingo! child upset but only because friendship was already breaking up as we went on holiday and friend's behaviour had been pretty off.

Cherrysoup · 12/08/2025 19:01

Totally agree, bollock his arse, send him packing if possible. Have very serious words with your ds re how his life will be if this bloke is still in it. I’d be incandescent about him saying your dd had threatened him and the endless whinging. Get rid.

kim204 · 12/08/2025 19:02

I'd go in gently, he might be really struggling with his MH and desperately need a bit of support. Could you pull him aside and say you're a bit worried about him because he doesn't seem to be enjoying himself?

He's not autistic is he? Just wondering if that why he's struggling socially, not wanting to eat food if it's not what he's used to, not realising he is making people uncomfortable, not enjoying being away in a group, sensitive to criticism, doesn't want to go anywhere etc Is he on meds for anxiety? depression? Both commonly comorbid.

Why not just go out without him? He might feel better being at the villa just with DS or even alone if DS wants to go out too. He might be really struggling with constantly being around a group of people he doesn't really know, having to eat food he hasn't chosen. It might be more fun for you all that way because he'll have time to decompress with you all gone (if that's what he needs) you'll have fun without him and then he may hopefully be happier when you get back.

neverbeenskiing · 12/08/2025 19:05

OP that sounds like a nightmare and I completely understand those saying tell him to go home. I really do. But I think doing so could backfire massively.

The BF clearly likes to paint himself as a victim (claiming your 14 year old DD "threatened him", WTF?) and sending him home, or gently even suggesting it, could play right into his hands. I can just imagine him spinning this as "I'm having a hard time with my Mental Health and his parents invited me on holiday then told me to leave!" Your DS will likely feel caught in the middle, he may well feel he has to leave early too. This then creates an "it's us vs them, it's you and me against the world, they don't want us to be together" type dynamic that might be really unhelpful, especially if the BF is at all controlling. Personally, I would be inclined to grit my teeth and get through the holiday (do your own thing as much as possible) in the hope that DS will see his BF's true colours for himself. When the holiday is over you can arrange to meet DS privately for a drink or dinner and see if he'll confide in you.

GardenGaff · 12/08/2025 19:08

How long is the holiday, when are you due home?

I’d be tempted on this occasion to suck it up and keep him there, just to properly observe the dynamic between him and your DS, given that they’ve been dating a year, you don’t know much about him, and he doesn’t make an effort to talk to you.

It sounds to me like he’d be quite happy to distance your DS from his family, he already appears to be trying to cause a rift with your DD. I wouldn’t allow that to happen on my watch and sending him home would be the ammunition he needs.

Original poster
SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 19:16

He didn't contribute to the holiday, no. He doesn't work. I don't think he's used to holidays abroad from what he said at the airport and the fact he was complaining about the plane being (slightly) delayed. That was the first issue.

DS asked him if he wanted to go to the pool/a walk/ just a general look around the area with just him and he said no to everything, DS said he was going and he then changed his tune and said he did want to go

I have had him over often for dinner etc and he has eaten pizza and all the food he's refusing here. He just isn't talkative so I don't know much about him just general things.

OP posts:
BlankBlankBlank14 · 12/08/2025 19:16

Honestly, to come on a family holiday and ruin it for others, not acceptable.

I would be asking him what flight he was getting home, he or his parents can pay.

Shedmistress · 12/08/2025 19:18

I'd seriously book him on he next flight home and get him to the airport any way I could.

GardenGaff · 12/08/2025 19:18

So who paid for him to come with you - your DS? His parents?

FeedingPidgeons · 12/08/2025 19:21

Don't tolerate it. MH or no MH his behaviour is awful.

If he's hating it that much, going home would be better. And why the hell should your 14yo have to put up with it either?

Dillydollydingdong · 12/08/2025 19:22

Just tell him he's obviously not enjoying himself, so would he like to go home?

TheBeesTrees · 12/08/2025 19:22

Have you spoken to ds and asked if things are ok? Ask if his bf would be more comfortable heading home early - but dont make.it sound like a threat else ds might dig his heels in

EsmeSusanOgg · 12/08/2025 19:23

neverbeenskiing · 12/08/2025 19:05

OP that sounds like a nightmare and I completely understand those saying tell him to go home. I really do. But I think doing so could backfire massively.

The BF clearly likes to paint himself as a victim (claiming your 14 year old DD "threatened him", WTF?) and sending him home, or gently even suggesting it, could play right into his hands. I can just imagine him spinning this as "I'm having a hard time with my Mental Health and his parents invited me on holiday then told me to leave!" Your DS will likely feel caught in the middle, he may well feel he has to leave early too. This then creates an "it's us vs them, it's you and me against the world, they don't want us to be together" type dynamic that might be really unhelpful, especially if the BF is at all controlling. Personally, I would be inclined to grit my teeth and get through the holiday (do your own thing as much as possible) in the hope that DS will see his BF's true colours for himself. When the holiday is over you can arrange to meet DS privately for a drink or dinner and see if he'll confide in you.

I think this is a really good point. If the relationship is not great - it's better to show that in the light of day, than to allow the BF to manipulate your DS / driving a wedge between you and your DS.

I would let him sort his own food if he does not like what is provided. That's easy enough to do, he either will or he'll stop moaning and eat what there is. But you can do this tactfully.

I'd also look to do stuff you want to do, with or without him. Your DS seems to have handled it well be asking - then just going to go on his own anyway. Which spurred a change of heart in the BF.

CloudPop · 12/08/2025 19:27

neverbeenskiing · 12/08/2025 19:05

OP that sounds like a nightmare and I completely understand those saying tell him to go home. I really do. But I think doing so could backfire massively.

The BF clearly likes to paint himself as a victim (claiming your 14 year old DD "threatened him", WTF?) and sending him home, or gently even suggesting it, could play right into his hands. I can just imagine him spinning this as "I'm having a hard time with my Mental Health and his parents invited me on holiday then told me to leave!" Your DS will likely feel caught in the middle, he may well feel he has to leave early too. This then creates an "it's us vs them, it's you and me against the world, they don't want us to be together" type dynamic that might be really unhelpful, especially if the BF is at all controlling. Personally, I would be inclined to grit my teeth and get through the holiday (do your own thing as much as possible) in the hope that DS will see his BF's true colours for himself. When the holiday is over you can arrange to meet DS privately for a drink or dinner and see if he'll confide in you.

Or he might just be an insufferable dickhead

MissMoneyFairy · 12/08/2025 19:29

Moaning about everything on a freebie holiday is really rude and unpleasant for everyone else, I'd book him on an early flight home and cut your losses.

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