Page 5 | Sons boyfriend ruining our holiday

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 12/08/2025 21:00

He is behaving really immaturely. Id say manage it as best you can for the holiday and take it as a lesson for the future. There could be something upsetting him too that you don't know about, you never know. Id say leave them some space to do their own thing for now and talk to your son again when your home from holiday. Your son is still young. He could very well figure it out for himself, like we all did at that age eventually!

RedToothBrush · 12/08/2025 21:01

According to him she told him to leave DS alone or she’d chuck him in the pool and make him regret it. DD says she didn't day that and I do believe her even though I wasn't there to witness it. unfortunately, it was just the 2 of them so it's a “he said, she said” situation. He says he doesn't feel safe around her because she'll hurt him and she's the reason he doesn't want to do anything

She's a 14 year old girl. If she did say it, it's getting dunked in the pool. He's a big baby and I'd actually tell him that. She isn't a threat to him. He needs to grow up.

Anxiety or not, sometimes you just needs to tell someone to stop being a dick.

Tbh if she did say something she probably told him to stop being a dick because none of the adults have been prepared to and he doesn't like it.

buswankerbabe · 12/08/2025 21:01

i haven’t read the thread but I’d buy him a flight home and get on with my holiday.

MeridianB · 12/08/2025 21:13

I agree it sounds like he sees this as a way to drive a wedge between DS and DD. In reality, I suspect your DS would be protective of a younger sister.

Do you think the cringy PDAs are a pathetic attempt to shock you all?

tubsters · 12/08/2025 21:15

Enrichetta · 12/08/2025 18:52

Tell him to shape up or ship out - and get him on the next EasyJet flight...

this ..but make sure he isn't filming you while you do it...

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/08/2025 21:15

I would tell your DS how you feel and ask him to ask his boyfriend to behave himself or go home.

And then once you're back home I would have a heart to heart with him and tell him that you want him to be happy and be with someone he loves, but that life is too damn short to be with someone who makes life so difficult and unpleasant.

Borisssss · 12/08/2025 21:18

Fenellasbum · 12/08/2025 20:29

Ok this is easy op. A friend of mine went through similar with her son’s gf on holiday - continual problem making.

You do not send ds/bf home. You keep them there and you let the bf dig his own grave. Say nothing and ds will come to the realisation that this person is a horrible partner and dump him. The more awkward kissing the better. The more whinging the better.

sacrifice your holiday and free your ds from this individual

I think this is the way forward.

You need to know that you DS is potentially in a pretty coercive, controlling and abusive relationship with a very manipulative character - who is trying to goad / triangulate you into a row so that he can rage and flounce and split your family.

Do not pick up that rope or fall into that trap.

Do not hand him the bullets to shoot you with.

Dont get in his way - stand right back - dont be provoked let the spotlight fall on him and dont be the distraction for your DS seeing him for what he is.

His MH is a red-herring - or more accurately a weapon to keep you all on your toes - in case his volatility erupts. Poor MH may explain bad behvaiour but it never excuses it.

Know whats going on here. It will be the one holiday where you can go off with your DD and sister and leave these two to it. Keep well out of their way.

I wish you wisdom, strength, calmness and resliance to get through the next week.

Also dont get drawn into any dramas - which he possiby will set up to drag you in - feeling unwell or su**dal - call Dr immediately - that will either smoke him out or get him the help he needs - you are not expected or experienced to handle either.

Kelly1969 · 12/08/2025 21:22

SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 18:30

DS is 21, his bf is 19 (turning 20 during this trip). They've been dating for about a year and to be honest I don't know much about him. He's not very talkative and while I have tried it doesn't really go anywhere

His BF is has MH issues. We're currently away in Spain. We got here Sunday. Since then there's been nothing but problems with bf, complaining about the food even food I've seen him eat, pizza etc he doesn't want or like apparently.

He's been overly touchy and kissing with DS in front of us (me, DD, my sister & her children) and DS hasn't said anything but I can tell he looks uncomfortable.

He's taken a dislike to DD for some reason and told DS she threatened him, she's 14 and didn't witness this but I doubt she did. He just seems generally in a mood, doesn't want to go anywhere. DS kindly asked if he'd taken his meds and he started shouting at him and took it as an insult.

There's more but I don't want to make this too long. I wish I hadn't let him come now, I want to go home early.

Obviously you can’t send him home now but don’t invite him again.
Regards the food, tell him he can buy his own food if he doesn’t like what you provide.
PDAs are not really appropriate on a family holiday with kids, and I’d say this if it was a heterosexual couple too, he’s just doing it for attention and a reaction.
what does son think about his behavior?

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/08/2025 21:27

Mental health issues or otherwise, I would (gently) read him the riot act.

I'd take him aside at a quiet moment and say to him, kindly, that you can see he's struggling and if he wants to talk to you about anything, he can.

I would then go on to say that it's not on to go on holiday with another family, refuse to participate in any way with what they are doing, create division between siblings and complain about the food. That he's an adult and he needs to learn to rub along with other people in this scenario.

He therefore has a choice: if he's really struggling you can put him on a flight home. Alternatively he can get a grip and try to enjoy it.

I would tread carefully as regards this boy's mental health: you don't want to trigger him or make him feel he's being ganged up on. But the bottom line is that you can't have him ruin your holiday. It's his choice.

I would be prepared to bet that this holiday will have been something of a wake-up call for your DS and that he will want to break up when you're back home.

Piknik · 12/08/2025 21:27

His MH is neither here nor there. He is weaponising it to excuse rudeness and keep DS on his toes.

Being depressed does not excuse blatant rudeness and having zero social skills.

I'd have already taken the boyfriend aside and said words to the effect of "You are clearly not enjoying yourself, would you like me to speak to your parents about arranging a flight home?"

Take your DS aside and tell him you've all had enough but you don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. What would he like you to do? Speak to the BF or would he rather do it? It sounds to me like your DS is in his thrall and/or a bit scared of him.

AluckyEllie · 12/08/2025 21:28

Sounds a bit like he’s realised your DS has graduated and has a future whereas he has no qualifications/job etc. He’s making the holiday uncomfortable in the hope your DS will become more alienated from you all. He’s being manipulative as well- the suicide threats.

I wouldn’t call him out directly but acknowledge his bad behaviour. So when he complains about the pizza ‘that’s a shame, I’m sure you’ve had the same at ours before.’ The coke being too cold ‘make sure you don’t order ice next time.’

Make sure your DD is okay, she’s still a youngish teen and she’s on holiday with some strange guy that’s accused her of threatening him. When you get home have a bit of a heart to heart with your son, I wouldn’t tell him you don’t like him but open the door for him to tell you how he feels.

Kelly1969 · 12/08/2025 21:30

SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 20:23

He's been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and takes antidepressants although as DS asked if he’d taken his meds and how defensive he got, maybe he hasn't been.

Sunday evening, DD, DS and bf were outside by the pool. DS came in for a few minutes and then bf came in and told him DD threatened him. According to him she told him to leave DS alone or she’d chuck him in the pool and make him regret it. DD says she didn't day that and I do believe her even though I wasn't there to witness it. unfortunately, it was just the 2 of them so it's a “he said, she said” situation. He says he doesn't feel safe around her because she'll hurt him and she's the reason he doesn't want to do anything

I will talk to DS, thank you everyone.

Honestly, I wish DD DID say that in one way!
It would show how ridiculous he’s being and that it has to be pointed out by a 14 year old child!
Even if she said it (which I know you said she didn’t) it doesn’t sound like a threat, more like a frustrated outburst at somebody whose ruining her holiday!

Borisssss · 12/08/2025 21:30

I would also speak with your DD and make sure she knows you believe her and have her back but that you are trying not to get drawn into something that will backfire on all of your relationships with your DS. Tell her you will protect her and ask her to trust you. I would be more concerned that SHE doesnt feel safe mentally or physically by this disruptive and manipulative grown many who has this young girl in his sights.

Original poster

SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 21:35

I do believe that DD didn't say threaten him, I think the most she’d do is roll her eyes. But if she DID say that surely any normal person would laugh it off? DD said she didn't say it and asked him why he's lying and he told DS that it proves his point and that she'll hurt him. DS told her to leave him alone after that. In all fairness DD is 5’5 and he's around 5’7 so not much height difference but I don't understand the dramatics.

I understand they may want to do their own thing but his bf hasn't wanted to do anything with us or anything DS suggested. That was until DS said he was going somewhere on his own and he changed his tune.

His birthday is Friday so if we asked him to leave he'll more than likely start with the whole “ruining his birthday”. Other things he's done is play music quite loud at night (1am). This afternoon there was a bug in his drink after he left it unattended outside, when he went back to it and noticed it he blamed one of us for putting it in there (me, DD, DS) sister and her children were at the beach. DS told him to just get another drink and he then shouted at DS as that proved he was guilty and told him to leave him alone and went back to their room. He then came outside when DS was sat with us, crying and apologising to DS. This makes me think he's not on his meds or he's just attention seeking.

RE the PDA, DS looks uncomfortable but doesn't say anything. He sits next to DS and is all over him kissing him etc, pulling him, touching him. Playing with his hair etc. If he was a girl i’d still be uncomfortable by it. The lovebites are all over DS’s neck and one on his collarbone which to me isn't appropriate for a family holiday. I did bring this up to DS but he just said it's not like they did it in front of us all. Interestingly, bf has fewer than DS.

OP posts:

RedToothBrush · 12/08/2025 21:40

AluckyEllie · 12/08/2025 21:28

Sounds a bit like he’s realised your DS has graduated and has a future whereas he has no qualifications/job etc. He’s making the holiday uncomfortable in the hope your DS will become more alienated from you all. He’s being manipulative as well- the suicide threats.

I wouldn’t call him out directly but acknowledge his bad behaviour. So when he complains about the pizza ‘that’s a shame, I’m sure you’ve had the same at ours before.’ The coke being too cold ‘make sure you don’t order ice next time.’

Make sure your DD is okay, she’s still a youngish teen and she’s on holiday with some strange guy that’s accused her of threatening him. When you get home have a bit of a heart to heart with your son, I wouldn’t tell him you don’t like him but open the door for him to tell you how he feels.

This.

The timing isnt a coincidence.

He will try and bring your son down because he doesn't want to lose him and be left behind.

ScruffyTrouserMindFlip · 12/08/2025 21:42

Boke. Just let him get on with it, and conduct your holiday as you would without him being there - he's a grown adult, so if you go on a trip for example, he can choose to stay in.

Also "MH issues" 🙄Am I the only one bored to tears by people having these? If you're too ill to slap a smile on it for a holiday, then stay home.

Teenytwo · 12/08/2025 21:43

Just say to him you don’t seem to be enjoying yourself and you are making accusations against the rest of us and it is having a negative impact on the holiday for the rest of us. If you want to leave just let me know because this has cost me a lot of money, if you don’t want to leave then reflect on how your behaviour is coming across and how the rest of us feel.

HerecomesMargo · 12/08/2025 21:44

You need to sit down and tell your ds he’s wasting his life with someone who is such a mess. He is far too young to be dealing with someone else’s MH issues. My ds is still so young but I will be the type of parent who gives them the hard truths when needed

Jorgua · 12/08/2025 21:44

tripleginandtonic · 12/08/2025 19:32

If it was ds gf would them kissing matter?

Knew there'd be one. If OP was homophobic I doubt she would have invited the lad on holiday.

RedToothBrush · 12/08/2025 21:44

SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 21:35

I do believe that DD didn't say threaten him, I think the most she’d do is roll her eyes. But if she DID say that surely any normal person would laugh it off? DD said she didn't say it and asked him why he's lying and he told DS that it proves his point and that she'll hurt him. DS told her to leave him alone after that. In all fairness DD is 5’5 and he's around 5’7 so not much height difference but I don't understand the dramatics.

I understand they may want to do their own thing but his bf hasn't wanted to do anything with us or anything DS suggested. That was until DS said he was going somewhere on his own and he changed his tune.

His birthday is Friday so if we asked him to leave he'll more than likely start with the whole “ruining his birthday”. Other things he's done is play music quite loud at night (1am). This afternoon there was a bug in his drink after he left it unattended outside, when he went back to it and noticed it he blamed one of us for putting it in there (me, DD, DS) sister and her children were at the beach. DS told him to just get another drink and he then shouted at DS as that proved he was guilty and told him to leave him alone and went back to their room. He then came outside when DS was sat with us, crying and apologising to DS. This makes me think he's not on his meds or he's just attention seeking.

RE the PDA, DS looks uncomfortable but doesn't say anything. He sits next to DS and is all over him kissing him etc, pulling him, touching him. Playing with his hair etc. If he was a girl i’d still be uncomfortable by it. The lovebites are all over DS’s neck and one on his collarbone which to me isn't appropriate for a family holiday. I did bring this up to DS but he just said it's not like they did it in front of us all. Interestingly, bf has fewer than DS.

Making all these accusations, I'd just say if you want me to ruin your holiday that can be arranged. Otherwise windy your neck in and stop being so fucking selfish and ruin everyone else's holiday.

Your daughter is 14. She deserves to be protected from this. You son is 20. He's an adult who should deal with own shit. He'll work it out eventually.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 12/08/2025 21:45

When I was younger and my mum paid for my friends’ holidays or stays it was always, inevitably, a shit show.

I would just ignore him/them (as in, leave DS to sort it) for the remaining of your holidays and do whatever you want yourselves. And then never invite him anywhere ever again.

Beachtastic · 12/08/2025 21:47

Does he smoke a lot of weed? He seems very paranoid.

CJFJ1 · 12/08/2025 21:47

He sounds like a grown man who still has a lot of growing up to do.

I don't really have any advice other than no one is forcing him to be there - if he wants to return home, he should return home. I agree with what others have said though - allow your DS learn for himself whether he wants to continue in a relationship with someone like this or not.

Heresmycontroversialopinion · 12/08/2025 21:49

It sounds like your son is in an abusive relationship. Have you been able to speak to your son alone and ask him what he thinks re the bf’s behaviour? Is this how the bf is normally? Is your son aware the bf is ruining the holiday - does he agree or is he defensive?

Obeseandashamed · 12/08/2025 21:59

OP…. I genuinely feel worried for your son. Please try and take some time during or after this holiday to check that he’s genuinely ok as I worry he could be getting manipulated. There seems to be a power imbalance and weirdly thought DS’s bf should be the vulnerable one, I worry it’s your son that is actually vulnerable and being controlled. 😓