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Original poster

Sons boyfriend ruining our holiday

205 replies

SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 18:30

DS is 21, his bf is 19 (turning 20 during this trip). They've been dating for about a year and to be honest I don't know much about him. He's not very talkative and while I have tried it doesn't really go anywhere

His BF is has MH issues. We're currently away in Spain. We got here Sunday. Since then there's been nothing but problems with bf, complaining about the food even food I've seen him eat, pizza etc he doesn't want or like apparently.

He's been overly touchy and kissing with DS in front of us (me, DD, my sister & her children) and DS hasn't said anything but I can tell he looks uncomfortable.

He's taken a dislike to DD for some reason and told DS she threatened him, she's 14 and didn't witness this but I doubt she did. He just seems generally in a mood, doesn't want to go anywhere. DS kindly asked if he'd taken his meds and he started shouting at him and took it as an insult.

There's more but I don't want to make this too long. I wish I hadn't let him come now, I want to go home early.

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 12/08/2025 19:30

Him and your son are both adults.

I would speak to him and your son and say it’s up
to them to find solutions to any issues.

Doesn't like the food - they can eat somewhere else.

Doesn’t like the recreation on offer - then go on the internet and do some research. Find things you want to do.

What is not acceptable is to ruin the holiday for everyone else by whinging all the time.

awkwardasfuck · 12/08/2025 19:30

SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 19:16

He didn't contribute to the holiday, no. He doesn't work. I don't think he's used to holidays abroad from what he said at the airport and the fact he was complaining about the plane being (slightly) delayed. That was the first issue.

DS asked him if he wanted to go to the pool/a walk/ just a general look around the area with just him and he said no to everything, DS said he was going and he then changed his tune and said he did want to go

I have had him over often for dinner etc and he has eaten pizza and all the food he's refusing here. He just isn't talkative so I don't know much about him just general things.

Sounds immature, homesick, overwhelmed at being taken abroad and rude.

Ask him if he'd like to go home and see what he says?

Hes young (not an excuse) and very clearly out of his comfort zone so be the grownup and give him some firm options

Go home, or get involved and try and enjoy this wonderful gift of a holiday at least a little

Springadorable · 12/08/2025 19:30

Hopefully DS sees him for the tit he is and dumps him.

tripleginandtonic · 12/08/2025 19:32

If it was ds gf would them kissing matter?

pinkyredrose · 12/08/2025 19:32

Who paid for his flight? Like fuck would i have him stay around making my daughter and everyone else uncomfortable.

Tell him he's obviously not enjoying himself so for the harmony of the family he needs to leave.

Pinkissmart · 12/08/2025 19:35

Just give them lots of leeway to do things on their own. It's only one holiday, chances are the relationship will run its course soon.

MaryGreenhill · 12/08/2025 19:35

Bf sounds awful @SummerHolidayys your poor Ds stuck with him .

Skybluepinky · 12/08/2025 19:35

Really old to still be going on family holidays, there were always going to be issues.

Original poster
SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 19:36

If it was ds gf would them kissing matter?

Being all over him in the living area and giving him lovebites(albeit that part not in front of us!)? Yes...

I paid for DD’s friend to come with us in May, although that wasn't abroad. But when DS asked I felt I had to pay for his bf to make it fair. BF also caused a fuss about DS being away over his birthday, so I suspected if I hadn't allowed him to come then DS wouldn't have came either.

OP posts:
MrsLizzieDarcy · 12/08/2025 19:37

Your DS is very young to be in a relationship where their BF is a miserable shit and he's walking on eggshells around him. I would take your DS to one side, explain that you're worried, and is it easier if he goes home?

PinkyFlamingo · 12/08/2025 19:37

Don't let him spoil your holiday, who cares if he's not eating.

Mustbethat · 12/08/2025 19:37

I don’t think sending him home will work.

as pp have said it will put you as the evil mil, and your son will feel like he has to defend his choice of partner. It’ll be you not trying, being horrible to him etc.

but also I’d keep him around and let ds see his true colours. If you send him home they will fall back into their comfort routines and ds won’t see the problem. If he’s a pita on holiday and ds sees it, it may make him think about what his life will be like if he stays with this man.

so no, don’t send him home. Put up for this one, and hope it has a positive knock on. Don’t invite him next time!

Resetqueen · 12/08/2025 19:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 12/08/2025 19:38

Can you amend his flight home
otherwise would it be you paying for his flight home

at 19 he is legally an adult so i would be talking to him directly

of course ds may feel obliged to leave with boyfriend.

Silvertulips · 12/08/2025 19:40

He’s a young adult - speak to him!

I am not listening to your wining - this holiday coat us C amount and we didn’t pay to listen to you moan and be ungrateful. Kissing in front of my family is disrespectful- take it elsewhere.

You are welcome to sleep elsewhere / leave - at any time

BusWankers · 12/08/2025 19:41

Just tell him to stop moaning about the free holiday and try to enjoy it instead of ruining it.

AlexisP90 · 12/08/2025 19:43

Your poor son is in a relationship with a grumpy old man.

Hes also manipulating your DS to stay in and not do the things he wants to do by being in a childhood strop.

I would speak to DS and tell him you've planned some walks/pool family time etc and this holiday is supposed to be fun. Tell DS to join in and let Victor Meldrew sulk in the room/villa/hotel.

Dreamondreaminon · 12/08/2025 19:43

Mustbethat · 12/08/2025 19:37

I don’t think sending him home will work.

as pp have said it will put you as the evil mil, and your son will feel like he has to defend his choice of partner. It’ll be you not trying, being horrible to him etc.

but also I’d keep him around and let ds see his true colours. If you send him home they will fall back into their comfort routines and ds won’t see the problem. If he’s a pita on holiday and ds sees it, it may make him think about what his life will be like if he stays with this man.

so no, don’t send him home. Put up for this one, and hope it has a positive knock on. Don’t invite him next time!

I agree with you. Don't be the bad guy or your DS will side with his bf and that will give his bf immunisations to hate on you. Stay as joyful as you can, keep offering to do activities when you fancy, and if possible, try to have 1 to 1 time with your DS. If you can have 1 to 1 with him, ask him open ended questions about how he feels, how the relationship is going, if he see himself long term with his bf. Try not to voice your judgement of the bf, and let his poor behaviour speak for itself. Easier said than done.

MissRaspberry · 12/08/2025 19:43

SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 19:36

If it was ds gf would them kissing matter?

Being all over him in the living area and giving him lovebites(albeit that part not in front of us!)? Yes...

I paid for DD’s friend to come with us in May, although that wasn't abroad. But when DS asked I felt I had to pay for his bf to make it fair. BF also caused a fuss about DS being away over his birthday, so I suspected if I hadn't allowed him to come then DS wouldn't have came either.

Difference is your son is an adult whereas your daughter is still a child and if you offered to pay for her child friend that's up to you. You didn't even need to fund your son's holiday if you didnt want to let alone add the extra expense of adding his young adult boyfriend to the holiday. The boyfriend sounds very immature and selfish he needs to start being grateful of the free holiday and giving some respect rather than sitting there whining and ruining it for everybody else. I'd be reminding him that you absolutely didn't have to invite him and tell him to lay off trying to bully and intimidate your 14year old

HAB75 · 12/08/2025 19:44

JudithOnHolidayAgain · 12/08/2025 18:33

Send him home early!

This entirely. I am speaking as someone who has had a lifetime of severe MH problems and I have never ruined someone else's hour, let alone their family holiday.

People with MH problems genuinely need to learn to not take them out on other people. I learned that lesson because my mother was the one who took them out on me - I had that lesson very early. When I became unwell myself, I absolutely knew to not spill it over onto others. But people who have not been carers etc. don't have that perspective, so at some point they need to learn that they cannot drag others down with them. It isn't good for the others, but it isn't good for them either.

So I have been in the position of having to teach someone that lesson, quite harshly, and while it was difficult at the time, it did not ruin the relationship and was deemed (albeit at a later date) to have been a very valuable lesson, well received.

So he needs to be told that he either bucks up or he pisses off. Honestly, I think it a kindness. Because otherwise people don't learn that lesson and they reach their mid-life with no friends and no close family. MH is not an excuse to be a dickhead - it is obviously at the base of the behaviour, but it is not an excuse in any way, shape or form. Nor is it beneficial to drag people down with you - it honestly serves no therapeutic purpose whatsoever.

Ohmygodthepain · 12/08/2025 19:44

This is quite coersive behaviour from the boyfriend, how does your ds feel about it? Red flags re MH difficulties, throwing his toys out about DS's birthday while you were away, being younger (and assuming DS will take care of him) and telling tales about DD. Not to mention the PDA and hickeys, yak, completely inappropriate for a family holiday.

I'd be inclined to get DS on his own and ask him if he's ok, and if he thinks boyfriend would be happier at home, then offer to pay for ONE return flight.

chattyness · 12/08/2025 19:45

Your son's BF sounds like a manipulative little shit and potential narcissist to me, he's already trying to drive a wedge between your ds and you, his sister - his family so he can isolate and have him to himself and under his full control. I'm not being dramatic, that's how they work, little by little, making a fuss about every little thing, imaginary slights against them "poor me" etc... it's all about them and their needs. Keep a close eye on your son, you don't want his mental health to suffer because of a bad relationship with a prickhead partner, he's too young to be getting dragged into a life of misery. He should be carefree & having fun.

TomatoSandwiches · 12/08/2025 19:48

I don't think there's much you can do now apart from try to ignore the BF as much as possible.
Lesson learnt to not invite him again, doesn't sound like someone mature enough to be in a sexual/romantic relationship, make sure you let your son know he's worth more than this.

Nikki75 · 12/08/2025 19:48

I'd speak to your son and tell him how you feel that you are going to speak to him and not have him throw his tantrums anymore .
Really hard as you want to enjoy your son being with you.
Id send the boyfriend home not you and your family .

menopausalfart · 12/08/2025 19:49

Sounds like an ungrateful brat. I'd take them both aside and let them know that you won't tolerate this behaviour. Your son also needs to know how disrespectful his BF is being to all of you.

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