Sons boyfriend ruining our holiday

[SummerHolidayys]

DS is 21, his bf is 19 (turning 20 during this trip). They've been dating for about a year and to be honest I don't know much about him. He's not very talkative and while I have tried it doesn't really go anywhere

His BF is has MH issues. We're currently away in Spain. We got here Sunday. Since then there's been nothing but problems with bf, complaining about the food even food I've seen him eat, pizza etc he doesn't want or like apparently.

He's been overly touchy and kissing with DS in front of us (me, DD, my sister & her children) and DS hasn't said anything but I can tell he looks uncomfortable.

He's taken a dislike to DD for some reason and told DS she threatened him, she's 14 and didn't witness this but I doubt she did. He just seems generally in a mood, doesn't want to go anywhere. DS kindly asked if he'd taken his meds and he started shouting at him and took it as an insult.

There's more but I don't want to make this too long. I wish I hadn't let him come now, I want to go home early.

A 14 year old child should not be confronting an adult!

Sounds like a toxic relationship. Your son is so young, he should be enjoying his life. Not being an emotional crutch for a manipulative man. The bf is also probably envious of the life and family that your DS has. I think you need to have a quiet word with your DS. If Bf is not happy he's more than welcome to leave. You were kind enough to pay for him, the least he could do is show some gratitude.

Ok this is easy op. A friend of mine went through similar with her son’s gf on holiday - continual problem making.

You do not send ds/bf home. You keep them there and you let the bf dig his own grave. Say nothing and ds will come to the realisation that this person is a horrible partner and dump him. The more awkward kissing the better. The more whinging the better.

sacrifice your holiday and free your ds from this individual

I really feel for your son and hope you can encourage him to leave this relationship.
In the meantime, I'd limit the time he's in your home now he's lieing on your daughter. If he's really afraid of her, he shouldn't want to spend time in her home. Who knows what's likely to happen next. He needs to go.

I think i'd ask my son if he and boyfriend want to go home early, and ask him to talk to the BF about it, alternatively the BF can go home if he so wishes, and btw the pair of them are in charge of tomorrow night's meal.

DS kindly asked if he'd taken his meds and he started shouting at him and took it as an insult.

I’d have stuck him in a taxi to the airport at that time.

I think a PP is right let this little shite dig his own grave. The paranoia and lying and just being a misery will be a big turn off long term so leave them to it but tell your ds that he is bringing down the mood of everyone else and for the rest of the trip if he cant be civil and pleasant then neither of them can join you for dinner etc. Do not let him ruin your holiday but do let him ruin his relationship with your ds.

He's ruining your family holiday, certainly, but my bigger concern would be that if this relationship continues he could ruin your son's life (and yours, by extension). He doesn't sound like a good choice for a life partner. You have to be careful to avoid driving your son away, so I'd try to ignore him and let him show himself for what he is, but after this, I wouldn't be inviting the unpleasant boyfriend to spend time with the family.

No she shouldn't have to but I would be fuming is someone made up such a story about me (I'm not doubting that it is untrue)

sorry but this is pathetic. Even if she did say this (highly doubtful) he's a grown man, she's a 14 year old girl. Any normal person's reaction would be to laugh it off. It doesn't even make sense, why would a child threatening him not make him want to go and do something with his bf? If he was that scared of her surely he'd leap at the chance to go swimming or something and get out of her way.

I agree with the pp, no need to make a scene but just stop doing stuff with them. Go swimming/for a meal etc without them. Don't offer to cook for them. It's a pity if DS misses out but he's the one inflicting this weirdo on you.

I'd ask him if he wants to go home ... as he doesn't seem happy yo be here. Though id check i could get him on a flight first.

Don't put up with this nonsense.

Beware BF may have serious mental problems. He is not behaving ''normally'' ; seems to have a lot of anxiety and insecurity (?)
Is he taking his medication? Can you find out?
Hopefully he won't have a serious genuine derangement while with you abroad because not taking his pills.

I'd treat him like an adult, say nice and calmly that you've noticed he's struggling to enjoy things he has previously, ask what is wrong, how he can be helped and say its OK if he's so overwhelmed he needs to be at home, you'd support him. If he brings up 14 year old, then say whatever DID happen she needs to stay with you, due to her age.

Maybe he'll realise he's an arse.
Maybe he'll bitch and moan.
Maybe he'll fuck off home.
But he needs to make a choice, like a grown up and not hang off everyone's proverbial arm and whine like a child.
The affection boundaries in front of family is for your son to talk to him about, its their relationship.
Maybe you'll find this is the end of this relationship.

He's ruining your family holiday. I'd say that he obviously isn't enjoying himself and that you're happy to arrange for an earlier flight back for him if he doesnt feel safe around your daughter

‘Brian, you are spoiling OUR holiday with your behaviour. It’s best that you go home early as you’ve made it clear you aren’t enjoying it and it’s unfair on ALL of us to hear you whinge and it’s unacceptable to to openly dislike OUR daughter who is a CHILD. We have tolerated so much but now we have had enough of your rudeness.’

Then escort him to the airport.

A 20nyear old man doesn't feel safe around a 14 year old girl? Ffs. I'd be inclined to snap something like , you are a grown man ans shes a child, please act like the adult".

Discuss with DS - what are his thoughts on the matter? explain how bf behaviour is ruining a family holiday and what are the options. Make the decision together and send a united message.

Tbh this sounds an abusive relationship. I suspect he is trying to ostracise your son from his family. The love bites are basically territory marking. Your son needs to realise this is what’s happening - luckily it sounds like he has his head screwed on. It needs to stop before it gets worse.

Doesn’t feel safe the obviously answer is for him to go home. She can’t, she’s 14 and with her parents.

Cynically though, holidays are practise for living together and marriage. If the BF stays, DS is seeing very clearly what his life will be like if he continues the relationship. Might be worth short term pain for long term gain.

1. Should leave adult men to their own tune and holidays. Are you also paying for them all
2. Is your son in need of some pep talk what is a suitable partner.
3. I would be disgusted my teenage daughter to has to endure such things from a complete stranger. The kissing is another thing which would put me off

I would suggest he get a flight home early if he’s unhappy so the rest of you can enjoy your well deserved holiday!

He’s a complete attention seeker, he feels threatened because he has got an audience, his bf family who can see through him.
You will have to tell DS his BF needs to buck up his ideas because he is making everyone feel uncomfortable especially his young sister. He’s got to the lying stage now to cast doubt and try to get your son to pick his side against his sister. Make sure no one is ever left alone with him else he might scream rape!

Also, if I was your teenage daughter, I would have the guts to scare that thing off my brother so much that he would be never seen around him , ever again.

The boyfriend is an utter wetwipe. I can't be arsed with people who witter about feeling "unsafe" (unless they are actually in Gaza or Mogadishu or similar).

Tell him to cop onto himself or take himself home.