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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sons boyfriend ruining our holiday

205 replies

SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 18:30

DS is 21, his bf is 19 (turning 20 during this trip). They've been dating for about a year and to be honest I don't know much about him. He's not very talkative and while I have tried it doesn't really go anywhere

His BF is has MH issues. We're currently away in Spain. We got here Sunday. Since then there's been nothing but problems with bf, complaining about the food even food I've seen him eat, pizza etc he doesn't want or like apparently.

He's been overly touchy and kissing with DS in front of us (me, DD, my sister & her children) and DS hasn't said anything but I can tell he looks uncomfortable.

He's taken a dislike to DD for some reason and told DS she threatened him, she's 14 and didn't witness this but I doubt she did. He just seems generally in a mood, doesn't want to go anywhere. DS kindly asked if he'd taken his meds and he started shouting at him and took it as an insult.

There's more but I don't want to make this too long. I wish I hadn't let him come now, I want to go home early.

OP posts:
MeridianB · 12/08/2025 21:59

Woah! More irrational accusations? Very worrying.

I agree about protecting your DD, too.

And some great advice from @Fenellasbum and @Borisssss about letting BF tie himself in knots.

Very tricky now but at some point in the future it would be good if you could gently suggest to you son that he might benefit from the Freedom Programme, to help him spot/avoid red flags.

Booboobagins · 12/08/2025 22:01

Send him home. Your DS needs to set his stall higher, his BF is going to be trouble.

MinesaBottle · 12/08/2025 22:01

Agree you need to protect your DD. Sounds like she’s seen right through him, let him know it and he feels threatened/doesn’t like it so he’s rather pathetically trying to turn her brother against her. He sounds awful!

sugarrosepetal · 12/08/2025 22:04

As hard as it is, kill him with kindness. You catch more bees with honey. He is an abuser and is trying to set traps with you all to isolate your son. When you are home take your son to the side on his own and ask him how he thinks the boyfriend came across and how the boyfriend could have turned things around to make him feel less uncomfortable. This puts the cat amongst the pigeons for your son to see him for who he truly is without you uttering a word.

SirBasil · 12/08/2025 22:05

Talk to him, with DS. Say he doesn't seem to be enjoying the trip and does he want to leave. If he wants to stay, there are rules. the PDA to stop, no noise after 11 (not total silence but not loud) etc.

I suspect he's not taking his meds. Unfortunately nobody can make him do this, but he is ruining eveyone's holiday and that is not acceptable.

ZippyTheZebra · 12/08/2025 22:15

What a complete loser.

And why is it that when there’s an utter waster like this, someone always comes along and asks if he’s autistic. or implies
that you don’t it because they’re gay. As if it makes a difference to the end result? Mental health issues are frankly no excuse either.

Get him on the first flight home Saturday morning and enjoy the rest of your trip.

Then ask DS why he’s with him and how he thinks there will ever be any joy in his future with this loser in it.

He can do so much better. Sorry you’ve all had to learn this the hard way.

PInkyStarfish · 12/08/2025 22:18

It’s entirely possible to have mental health issues and be a complete cunt.

He may try the mental health card to excuse his behaviour but his behaviour is just plain nasty.

Charlize43 · 12/08/2025 22:22

Does he drink? Maybe a jug of Sangria (or two) might make him enjoy himself more and make him more jolly?

I have quite a few gay friends and they are hilarious!

saraclara · 12/08/2025 22:23

I'd just split if into two groups. There's no reason for you, your DH and DD to have a miserable time. You three do your own thing, and let DS and BF do theirs. Eat separately too.

It's a real shame in that this was supposed to be a last family holiday with DS, but I think it's the only way you'll all get to the end of the holiday without high drama. And you three deserve to at least enjoy some of the next week.

Wreckinball · 12/08/2025 22:25

I’d put my foot down about PDA and say you are not having it on your holiday which you paid for and saved up all year for. You don’t mind what they do but it needs to be in private. Then try to ignore/ tolerate him and keep DD away from BF

healthybychristmas · 12/08/2025 22:35

Why are you doing everything together? Why don't you and your daughter go together for the day? He sounds a real misery and yes he does sound as though he stopped taking his antidepressants. I could always tell with my ex-husband if he'd stopped three days before.The tablets made him feel better so he thought he didn't need them anymore and would stop taking them. Used to drive me nuts!

Noseprawns · 12/08/2025 22:40

Can you afford to book flights home for him or both of them?
Theres absolutely no way I would be subjecting my 14 yo to having her holiday dominated and ruined and honestly I don’t want to be unkind but you are really letting her down. You need to step up and protect your child here. I am shocked you didn’t make arrangements for him to go home as soon as he falsely accused her of something.

lemonraspberry · 12/08/2025 22:44

I would consider the fact DS seems to be in an abusive relationship and the bf is testing the boundaries with you. Being British everyone has a stiff upper lip and been polite about it. Playing music until 1am and accusing people of putting bugs in drinks - absolutely no way should that fly.

His birthday is not your problem, his behaviour is.

Kamek · 12/08/2025 22:45

Wow OP you are being massively more tolerant than I would be! You've got to get rid of that tosser. Tell him to leave, regardless of his circumstances. Can't believe how much you are putting up with. He's so disrespectful and rude, and you are letting him ruin it for everyone else.

Lavenderandbrown · 12/08/2025 22:52

I have read almost all the thread and honestly op I’m getting more worried for you all as I read! Initially I thought keep him close but the more you post I think put him on a plane now while he’s well enough to fly alone. DS does not go with him….. tell DS you need family together to process what has happened and the bf behavior. I’m pretty confident DS wants the relationship over too. Sure he’s a young adult but I think you op as the matriarch of the family need to send bf safely home …today at any cost

edited to add…it reads as a form of abuse to me and surely you do not want DS to be in an abusive relationship

DogsandFlowers · 12/08/2025 23:01

Ask him to leave no discussion

tipsyraven · 12/08/2025 23:02

You might find your son is relieved if you send his bf home or call him out on his behaviour.

WooleyMunky · 12/08/2025 23:03

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Mmhmmn · 12/08/2025 23:04

He sounds really unpleasant. You’ll need to have a talk with your DS and make sure he knows that relationships are supposed to make you feel good - not awkward, not difficult, etc and that he can end a relationship that does not make him happy for that reason alone. And that he is not responsible for his bf’s MH. He should be enjoying life at that age. If that’s how the guy behaves in front of everyone I wonder how he behaves with DS behind closed doors.

Silverbirchleaf · 12/08/2025 23:05

Your ds sounds like he’s being manipulated by his bf. I’m worried for him. It wouldn’t surprise me that if your son has said he wants to split up, then bf will start using emotional blackmail. He sounds horrible. Bf that is, not your son.

Silverbirchleaf · 12/08/2025 23:05

tipsyraven · 12/08/2025 23:02

You might find your son is relieved if you send his bf home or call him out on his behaviour.

Yes,

Mmhmmn · 12/08/2025 23:07

Lovebites??! Jesus.
Highly likely your son is scared of the bf.

Rosegoldy · 12/08/2025 23:09

Your poor daughter having to tolerate this low life on a family holiday.
She's only 14.
I really think its odd when families have to bring people with them, they can't be together for a short holiday.
He is clearly deliberately trying to ruin it for you all.

BanditLamp · 12/08/2025 23:14

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Disgusting comment. I don't know how people can bring themselves to write this type of thing. That was a real little girl you know.

Original poster
SummerHolidayys · 12/08/2025 23:25

BF went to bed early so I briefly spoke to DS, he was defensive, he said his bf struggles to socialise with people he barely knows. He believes DD did threaten him because he wouldn't lie about that. He admitted he does think he's off his meds as he's usually much calmer and less on edge. He said the love bites are none of my business and the pda is just how his bf is and he isn't bothered or uncomfortable by it

I have spoken to DD and she sort of laughed the bfs behaviour off and mentioned how ds’s ex bf was normal, I've told her not to say that to either ds or the bf as that'll 100% cause some sort of drama

OP posts:
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