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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

795 replies

Joness2 · 11/08/2025 20:22

My DH got dismissed (walked before he was pushed) from his previous job 3 years ago. It was set to go to hearing but his Union representative advised him he was likely to be dismissed so he resigned in order to not have to declare a dismissal when applying for future roles.

I was furious, I was in the early stages of pregnancy and could not believe he would be so stupid. It was a very worrying time for a while with finances etc.

He found a new job about 2 months before our child was born so had minimal paternity leave (he would have had 4 weeks had he not left his job). It caused a lot of resentment and I struggled to get over it.

He has remained in that job without issue until now. He told me after work today that he has been informed of disciplinary action due to inappropriate comments towards (female) colleagues on a night out. This is the exact reason he had to leave his job before. He promised me then he would not go on nights out with work again, something he has mainly stuck to only waning if it’s something where there isn’t drink involved.

This time, he is convinced that he will get a warning and is not at risk of dismissal. This is his opinion rather than factual.

I am so bloody angry with him doing this again and told him that if he loses his job, we are over. Infact, I’m considering leaving regardless having been told the vile comments.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Do you think I should try to support him through this and how to handle any hearing or would you leave him to clean up his own mess?

OP posts:
CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 11/08/2025 20:24

I would leave. This is very similar to my exH's behaviour. The amount of stress it caused me was totally off the scale, and I would not want anyone to go through similar.

TeenLifeMum · 11/08/2025 20:25

What on earth is he saying to them?

Createausername1970 · 11/08/2025 20:26

It's a pattern that is likely to be repeated as he didn't learn the first time.

I would be considering my options, and even if I didn't go right now, I would start to get all my ducks in a nice neat row.

UnhappyHobbit · 11/08/2025 20:27

I love how he is insisting that you’re a team and yet he’s being disciplined for harassing other women. I guess he didn’t think you were a team at the time he was trying it on!

Overtheatlantic · 11/08/2025 20:27

He’s a creep and you should leave. He’s just testing the waters with his comments, hoping he gets a bite and can have an affair. If he shows remorse he might just get a warning but he will be on thin ice.

Hobbes8 · 11/08/2025 20:27

YWNBU to leave because of his creepy attitude towards women.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 11/08/2025 20:28

I can kind of see messing up and saying something wrong without realising once and being unlucky but twice in two different jobs suggests that he is just a vile/inappropriate person depending on what the comments were .

TomatoSandwiches · 11/08/2025 20:31

He has previous and hasn't learnt his lesson, he is a weak link and he will always let you down so I would just leave without waiting for the outcome.

Jojimoji · 11/08/2025 20:31

To lose two jobs in three years due to inappropriate behaviour towards women is indicative of a pattern that will likely last a lifetime.

It's gonna happen again OP.

Bambamhoohoo · 11/08/2025 20:32

I think there are a few things going on. Think with a cool head what this means.

finances? Your financial future? Work through how much mortgage you can borrow alone and what you’ll split from the house. What your retirement etc will look like. If it’s depressing think about a separate plan, a longer term one to detach in a more beneficial way.

what about your family? What is his relationship like with his child? What will a separated future look like?

be really honest about whether you will do this, and now. It needs planning and striking at the right time. That might well be know, but have all the info first.

and yes, him losing two roles is very disappointing. It’s more common than you expect though.

does he treat women badly when he’s drunk in other settings (or indeed, when he’s sober?)

id love to just screech LTB and lash out at any poster who suggests otherwise but this is a big decision and you should have a level head. Lots of people who threaten to leave in anger never get anywhere near doing it. Harness the anger into action. If you plan carefully I’m sure you won’t regret it

sellotapechicken · 11/08/2025 20:33

I pressed the wrong one and you can’t change it on the app. No you are not unreasonable

Iloveacurry · 11/08/2025 20:41

You’re not being unreasonable. He’s a liability. What does he say to them?

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 11/08/2025 20:44

I wouldn't leave because hes lost another job, id leave because hes a creep who loses his jobs for sexually harassing his coworkers.
And if hes doing it to them God knows who else hes doing it to.

Who the fuck wants to be on team sex pest anyway?

mathanxiety · 11/08/2025 20:44

You're dealing with a chaos maker.

You would be very wise to strongly consider leaving and staying gone. The alternative is a life spent lurching from financial crisis to crisis, never being able to plan for the future, and never having a true partner you can rely on for suport.

TappyGilmore · 11/08/2025 20:45

It would not be unreasonable to leave if the reasoning is because of his inappropriate behaviour to women, rather than about the fact that he has lost his job.

Whatever he did the first time must have been pretty bad, there’s a high threshold to dismiss with no prior warnings being given. And he’s shown that he didn’t learn from it, if he’s just done it again. What would it take for him to learn?

Tartanboots · 11/08/2025 20:47

You'll be on pins waiting for him to get sacked from his next job/s. If he is a sex pest he could end up on the sex offenders register. Or if the next woman doesn't think he's inappropriate, and enthusiastically reciprocates, what happens then? Perhaps plan for a future away from him.

gingercat02 · 11/08/2025 20:48

I would leave because he's a sleaze bag who can't behave around women. End of@Joness2

TY78910 · 11/08/2025 20:48

Is he an incel? If not, he’s clearly not learning from his mistakes and it’s not even the job losses I’d be considering leaving because, but his attitude towards women. Especially when he has a wife at home.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 11/08/2025 20:48

I wouldn’t want to be with a man who made the women around him so uncomfortable they had to take it further. Repeatedly.

Rainbowqueeen · 11/08/2025 20:49

Yes I would leave

I agree with @Bambamhoohoo make a plan. Be strategic.

He sounds like a creep. Has he even apologised to you or acknowledged the stress his actions are putting you under?

Adelle79360 · 11/08/2025 20:50

Bloody hell yes you need to leave. Why would you want some leech that can’t control his behaviour around his female colleagues, and who can’t provide financially because he keeps losing his jobs, to be your partner? Quite honestly, the mind boggles.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but really, this is just awful.

MyLimeGuide · 11/08/2025 20:50

Depends what the comments were.

Barney16 · 11/08/2025 20:50

Once is unfortunate twice is just bloody stupid. Team? He wasn't actually Team Jones when he was being inappropriate with his colleagues was he?

MegaMinion34 · 11/08/2025 20:51

I would leave him purely because he is clearly a complete creep. I can MAYBE understand/forgive one thoughtless comment fuelled by alcohol, but to have done it repeatedly? He has likely done it far more than the twice you know about, as these things often go unreported.

gamerchick · 11/08/2025 20:54

It's never just from one comment though usually. Women get fed up of them before reporting in a lot of cases. He sounds like a pest in general.