To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

[Joness2]

My DH got dismissed (walked before he was pushed) from his previous job 3 years ago. It was set to go to hearing but his Union representative advised him he was likely to be dismissed so he resigned in order to not have to declare a dismissal when applying for future roles.

I was furious, I was in the early stages of pregnancy and could not believe he would be so stupid. It was a very worrying time for a while with finances etc.

He found a new job about 2 months before our child was born so had minimal paternity leave (he would have had 4 weeks had he not left his job). It caused a lot of resentment and I struggled to get over it.

He has remained in that job without issue until now. He told me after work today that he has been informed of disciplinary action due to inappropriate comments towards (female) colleagues on a night out. This is the exact reason he had to leave his job before. He promised me then he would not go on nights out with work again, something he has mainly stuck to only waning if it’s something where there isn’t drink involved.

This time, he is convinced that he will get a warning and is not at risk of dismissal. This is his opinion rather than factual.

I am so bloody angry with him doing this again and told him that if he loses his job, we are over. Infact, I’m considering leaving regardless having been told the vile comments.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Do you think I should try to support him through this and how to handle any hearing or would you leave him to clean up his own mess?

@Bambamhoohoo

Children of separated parents have all sorts of poorer outcomes. It’s not something you do instantly like a 19 year old.

Super reductive approach to a hugely complex situation. And very unfair to put this on OP for considering leaving someone who is cheating on her (or trying to) and putting the family's stability at risk.

He’s creeping/trying it on with other women so already risking his marriage, and he’s repeating behaviour and risking your financial safety too. Plus he must be thick. Get rid.

I’m sure a very similar problem has been posted in the last couple of months, but I can’t find it for you.

I want to hold my hands up and say that I wrote that badly and I can see how it came across! I completely understand that she'd just had their first child, I suppose im trying to establish why she felt like she couldn't leave him and say 'he sexually harassed someone and lost his job and ive left him' as if she has a supportive circle around her, people would generally go 'oh god, what can we do to help you and the baby'. If she doesnt have that, it goes a way to explain why she didnt leave the first time and why she's only considering leaving this time rather than 'im leaving you, obviously'. All of which will impact the advice people can give to help.

It is super complicated. That’s why no normal rational person “leaves instantly”

I think it was you that posted at the time of the first incident and I remember how much you struggled then.

For him to behave that way again, knowing how much he hurt you and put you through, is unforgivable.

You don’t have to support him.

He behaved appallingly and he’s going to do it again because he’s a creep who hasn’t learned his lesson after the last time.

What is he saying to other females must be serious or he wouldn't be getting disciplined or made to resign.
Fact he hasn't learned the first time tells me you will always be stressed with this man.
Consider what's available to you make a plan to start again without him.
You deserve love and respect not putting up with actions like these.

Well I have plenty of people who would say they would love to help me with my baby but less who would pay £1k a month for nursery or give me £200k to buy my husband out of the house. Suspect it’s more stuff like that

And he turns the tables on you to deflect from his pathetic behaviour, red flags all over this

Wow, I thought this seemed familiar. Can anyone link to the original thread ?

I would leave him. His disgusting behaviour towards woman is persistent and a pattern. You might be able to forgive a one off comment and consider it out of character but twice is demonstrating that it is his character. What he's saying does matter to a degree. If its sexual then he's a gross and predatory. If its nasty then he's a nasty wanker who's unprofessional.

We could all have a few choice words with our colleagues. However, we shut our mouths because we are professionals and adults. We understand that you can't always say what we want.

I'd be pissed because he didn't learn anything the first time, he has no self control and he's prepare to pit your family finances at risk to gob off. If his comment was sexual or disrespectful that's adds a whole next level.

OP, the women who object make a complaint. The ones who like it, don't. There may be women he did this to who weren't offended.

I saw this in an office I worked in. One woman was receptive and they had an affair. After she left he went after another who wasn't interested and he nearly lost his job over it.

Absolutely fair comments!

Yep. Seen this as well.

I'd really struggle to move past this. I wouldn't want to be with a man who made comments that required a disciplinary at work. It's vile behaviour and not at all attractive.

Leave- he sounds creepy as fuck and has prioritised inappropriate behaviour over his responsibilities as a father.
He’s not going to change. You weren’t tr when he was behaving like a total prick on a night out he promised he wouldn’t go on.

For me, it would be not just that he hasn’t learnt his lesson that he can’t be a fucking creep and get away with it. Or that he has put his family’s finances in jeopardy once again. The thing that would piss me off the most is him saying we’re a team and that I’m trying to make it about me! I never signed up to be on the bloody Sympathy for Sleazes team

I’d leave him for being a vile misogynistic pig regardless of his employment status. How on earth can you forgive that?!

I agree with this!

The comments on their own would prompt me to leave tbh.

“Making it about you” - your feelings on this matter are valid - don’t let him gaslight you into thinking they are not!

What the hell is he saying?

Was he thinking of you and being a team when he was making inappropriate comments toward another woman. Doubt it

OP why are you staying with a man who has a history of harassing female colleagues?

The issue is that he is a creep, full stop, not the job hoping...

It would take lot to lose two jobs and for union rep to abandon him.

These sort of creeps usually get away with loads before it gets to that stage.

What did he say to them?

This is the definition of the ick!