To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

[Joness2]

My DH got dismissed (walked before he was pushed) from his previous job 3 years ago. It was set to go to hearing but his Union representative advised him he was likely to be dismissed so he resigned in order to not have to declare a dismissal when applying for future roles.

I was furious, I was in the early stages of pregnancy and could not believe he would be so stupid. It was a very worrying time for a while with finances etc.

He found a new job about 2 months before our child was born so had minimal paternity leave (he would have had 4 weeks had he not left his job). It caused a lot of resentment and I struggled to get over it.

He has remained in that job without issue until now. He told me after work today that he has been informed of disciplinary action due to inappropriate comments towards (female) colleagues on a night out. This is the exact reason he had to leave his job before. He promised me then he would not go on nights out with work again, something he has mainly stuck to only waning if it’s something where there isn’t drink involved.

This time, he is convinced that he will get a warning and is not at risk of dismissal. This is his opinion rather than factual.

I am so bloody angry with him doing this again and told him that if he loses his job, we are over. Infact, I’m considering leaving regardless having been told the vile comments.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Do you think I should try to support him through this and how to handle any hearing or would you leave him to clean up his own mess?

What did he say? 'Alright sweetcheeks' as a joke is a bit different to 'sit on my face bitch'

That would dictate how I would react I think. But twice isn't good. He won't stop doing this.

My ex lost three jobs within 4 or 5 years and I found that worrying enough - but it wasn't because of sleazy remarks, just incompetence, so I didn't leave him over that.

I think as pp have said, you should leave him because of his sleazy attitude to women rather than because he's lost his job. If he had made a mistake or had taken on a job that was too much for him, you might then feel you were a team. You aren't a team now because he's shown you what he thinks of women - and you are one.

Edited to say - am not suggesting you separate straight away, do it on a timeline to suit you.

I’d leave him- if it’s got to disciplinary it almost certainly won’t be an isolated issue or the comments were so egregious there was no other option.

What on earth is he saying to them? He's lost 2 jobs over it. That's crazy. How can you stay with him?

This is a worrying pattern. It’s easy to say “leave him” though, without knowing your circumstances.

This. He’s a Greg Wallace.

(I refuse to spell it properly)

If you’re describing the comments as vile then he will likely be fired over them (as he well should be!). Agree whether or not he keeps his job is a red herring, his behaviour is unacceptable and I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who behaves like this, and I’m getting the impression you feel the same OP.

Just out of interest, why did you stay with him the first time? How did you meet him/get together, whats your relationship background? Im trying to understand why you didnt leave him loudly and instantly the first time, what did his family say, your friends and family?

You can do better than this Princess Charming - how much evidence do you need?

Clearly a pattern he is repeating and will again. He doesn’t care if he loses his job it seems.

I once fired someone (well, he was on a contract but it was rolling and long term) because he sent something inappropriate to one of our younger secretaries. She did not want to tell anyone, but her boss was there when she opened the package and burst into tears, could not get anything out of her but called me and after a lot of sobbing the whole story came out. And it was not one remark, it was an ongoing harassment and boundary testing over months and months. It was a well paid post, could have gone on for some time, but there was no way he could stay. No idea what he told his family, I am sure he had some story about over reactions and it was only this or that. But it was actually predatory and scary behaviour and had no place in the workplace.

I think what he has told you is the tip of an iceberg. And the fact it has happened again shows it is not cluelessness, but an underlying attitude.

I am sorry, this must be really hard to you.

Once is bad enough OP. Twice, is unforgivable. That old saying - fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I think the meaning is, there are no more chances.
As pp have said, get your ducks in a row. Bide your time. See a solicitor to see where you stand. You will get through this by staying strong.

jesus he’s a creep

She had just given birth to their child for starters.

this isn’t a boyfriend this is splitting your childs family. Children of separated parents have all sorts of poorer outcomes. It’s not something you do instantly like a 19 year old.

He sounds like an imbecile who can’t control ( or doesn’t think he needs to ) his stupid mouth

How ugly...he is insulting women or womanizing women on the job party?

I would leave too.

It's a double-whammy isn't it? He's a sleaze who can't stop harassing women and is putting your finances at risk with his behaviour.

You also seem remarkably chilled about the fact he's coming onto other women as if that's a secondary consideration.

He doesn't really bring anything to the table, does he?

Since the laws regarding employer responses to sexual harassment recently tightened up he’s probably even more likely to be dismissed. You’d be better off setting up on your own now - you can’t rely on this man

Who the hell wants to be on a team where their partner is making creepy comments to other women? If hed made a genuine work related mistake and was at risk of losing his job due to it id absolutely support him through it, but the loyalty he expects from you clearly isnt reciprocated. Whether id leave or not would depend on how the relationship is otherwise, and whether he is prepared to stop drinking in environments where he is at risk of behaving inappropriately towards other women. And also whether I think i could ever get over the ick id feel at him being such a creep.

I agree that his attitude to women sounds appalling, but can he technically be an incel if he is married with a child? I thought it stood for "involuntarily celibate", I am guessing he isn't celibate.

I'd be getting my ducks in a row so to speak OP, being a team means him not being a dirty creep harassing women in the workplace behind the back of his wife and the mother of his child so he's failed to keep up his very basic end of the bargain and has instead been incredibly disrespectful not just to the women he's harassed but also to you as well...the cheek of the fecking twat to say you're not supportive! You deserve better than this!

What’s he doing, being sexist or cracking on to them, or both. Seldom is a first crime reported, especially a drunken one, so he’s clearly just moved shop and continued. I’d be out. The shame of being married to that guy,

I’d leave because of his vulgar behaviour, not because of the job. These are just the two incident you’re aware of!

Wtf is he saying to these women? How big of a creep is he?

My entire working career, the only men who have been disciplined in any way were MASSIVE sleazy fuckers. The odd mysognistic joke on a night out does not attract a disciplinary meeting. He must be a real peach to work with.

You need to leave. Fuck him.

I would've left the first time. Nothing to do with losing his job but the clear lack of respect he has for women.