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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

795 replies

Joness2 · 11/08/2025 20:22

My DH got dismissed (walked before he was pushed) from his previous job 3 years ago. It was set to go to hearing but his Union representative advised him he was likely to be dismissed so he resigned in order to not have to declare a dismissal when applying for future roles.

I was furious, I was in the early stages of pregnancy and could not believe he would be so stupid. It was a very worrying time for a while with finances etc.

He found a new job about 2 months before our child was born so had minimal paternity leave (he would have had 4 weeks had he not left his job). It caused a lot of resentment and I struggled to get over it.

He has remained in that job without issue until now. He told me after work today that he has been informed of disciplinary action due to inappropriate comments towards (female) colleagues on a night out. This is the exact reason he had to leave his job before. He promised me then he would not go on nights out with work again, something he has mainly stuck to only waning if it’s something where there isn’t drink involved.

This time, he is convinced that he will get a warning and is not at risk of dismissal. This is his opinion rather than factual.

I am so bloody angry with him doing this again and told him that if he loses his job, we are over. Infact, I’m considering leaving regardless having been told the vile comments.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Do you think I should try to support him through this and how to handle any hearing or would you leave him to clean up his own mess?

OP posts:
SunnySideDeepDown · 11/08/2025 21:36

Eugh, you must have zero respect for him or yourself. Why is him losing his job more of an issue than the way he treats women?

Bibanova · 11/08/2025 21:36

you need a short and a long term plan, consider your child in all this too. You do not want your child to be in any way influenced by this man and his behaviour. It’s so reactionary to just say leave but emotions and logistics all involved. Make a plan, set a time frame, seek support from trusted sources.

Aspanielstolemysanity · 11/08/2025 21:38

I'd have left him for harassing other women. What a creep.

Dangermoo · 11/08/2025 21:41

Dump the loser.

Clarabell77 · 11/08/2025 21:44

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 11/08/2025 20:44

I wouldn't leave because hes lost another job, id leave because hes a creep who loses his jobs for sexually harassing his coworkers.
And if hes doing it to them God knows who else hes doing it to.

Who the fuck wants to be on team sex pest anyway?

This. He sounds like a creep and can’t be trusted.

KentishMama · 11/08/2025 21:44

He's making creepy comments to other women. That would just give me the ick, and I wouldn't want my child to grow up with someone like that... LTB.

Icanttakethisanymore · 11/08/2025 21:44

Well you weren't 'a team' when he was out pissed making inappropriate comments to his colleagues, were you?

Pikuniku · 11/08/2025 21:50

I’ve worked in a lot of different industries and never known this to happen to anyone but your DH has caused this twice. He must have said some very bad things.

Ponderingwindow · 11/08/2025 21:51

you would be a team if you stood by your husband because one time he repeated a joke that only 8 year old boys would find funny and he got called out for it and learned his lesson. That is different than sexually harassing his coworkers

HelpMeUnpickThis · 11/08/2025 21:54

@Joness2 by the time someone makes all the effort to make a report to HR and then it gets to warning stage - I mean come on. You can do better. He really hasn't learnt anything from the previous time and he clearly can't control himself. Get your self organised and leave him to his sleaziness.

Octavia64 · 11/08/2025 21:55

dear god, given the things I’ve heard at work and that have not been addressed I dread to think what he said or did.

it must have been pretty bad for a disciplinary abd to then happen again!

no advice, sorry. But you don’t have to stand by him. It’s completely up to you.

MadeForThis · 11/08/2025 21:56

He has zero respect for you if this is how he behaves with work colleagues. He clearly sees himself as the victim and has no interest in changing. You deserve respect. You deserve better than an embarrassment of a man who abuses, insults and perves on women.

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 11/08/2025 21:56

@Joness2 YANBU!

Once is a mistake and regrettable, but a second time is ridiculous.

Gettingbysomehow · 11/08/2025 21:57

We have a man like this at work. He's vile, everyone thinks he's vile. He hasn't got the sack yet but he is teetering on the edge. His wife keeps taking him back but it's getting g near to the end.
I have no idea why men sabotage their lives in this way.
I could not live like this.

Heyho3 · 11/08/2025 21:58

Till death do you part. Isn't that what you promised? People say stupid things when drunk. Who knows if he was set up?

LillyPJ · 11/08/2025 21:58

I'd be most concerned about the drunkenness and inappropriate comments to women. He sounds immature and misogynistic.

ManchesterLu · 11/08/2025 21:58

Why would you want to be with a man who makes comments to women that are so bad he's regularly dismissed from jobs?

Jellywobbles2 · 11/08/2025 22:00

Leave now.

HarLace1 · 11/08/2025 22:01

Omg to have this happen again in another job for the same reasons is absolutely a reason to leave. What on earth is he saying to these women? And how on earth can he say you're a team when I'm guessing the things he is saying are sexually inappropriate?

HarLace1 · 11/08/2025 22:02

Heyho3 · 11/08/2025 21:58

Till death do you part. Isn't that what you promised? People say stupid things when drunk. Who knows if he was set up?

Twice?? He has form, it's why he had to leave his previous job! This is no slip of the tongue moment!

Laura95167 · 11/08/2025 22:03

Hang on... DH has in two separate jobs said something so vulgar and inappropriate to female colleagues hes faced disciplinary action? To a level quitting was his best bet?

The first time he jumped (which is the only thing that saved his pension because that can be forfeit if you are sacked for gross misconduct) i act as decision manager in those sort of cases for my employer and although its a balance of probability it must have been extremely serious for the unions advice to be quit.

The second time hes hoping for a warning and his only concern is you and him being a "team"?

This isnt a misunderstanding or something he cant control. This isnt a mistake. Its a pattern of behaviour and who he is..

The issue isnt his job its that hes a pig! "Im sorry love, I said something grossly inappropriate to a woman behind your back but dont worry I hopefully wont lose my job this time"

Honestly not sure this is an end it IF situation.

Joness2 · 11/08/2025 22:03

It’s embarrassing to type out to be honest.

Previous job - he made drunken comments to a senior manager. Summarised - said she isn’t good at her job and must be a cracking shag which is why her male line manager kept her on. So inappropriate. Union advised that there’d be no chance of him staying as the manager would influence the hearing.

Current job - three comments involving one colleague as well as a manager (not his own). Colleague works remotely and met team for the first time in person.

He commented (saying he was surprised) on her having a nice bum and not being able to appreciate it through a screen. ‘Joked’ about starting a gofundme for her to move nearer to the office so the men could see her more regularly.

Other manager, comment was not made directly to her but to a colleague who reported it. Basically, it was said that this manager is quite strict and pulling people up on performance. He said that he wouldn’t mind her disciplining him and suggested a sex act she could perform (basically using a toy on him)… so fucking gross

OP posts:
Agapornis · 11/08/2025 22:03

Do you want to be married to a sex pest creep?

Edit as crosspost: you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

Zempy · 11/08/2025 22:05

Oh he’s grim. Dump him

Bambamhoohoo · 11/08/2025 22:05

Oh OP. I’m sorry. Don’t be embarrassed for him. He’s the one who did it and you’re not responsible for a horrible man’s poor behaviour.

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