To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

[Joness2]

My DH got dismissed (walked before he was pushed) from his previous job 3 years ago. It was set to go to hearing but his Union representative advised him he was likely to be dismissed so he resigned in order to not have to declare a dismissal when applying for future roles.

I was furious, I was in the early stages of pregnancy and could not believe he would be so stupid. It was a very worrying time for a while with finances etc.

He found a new job about 2 months before our child was born so had minimal paternity leave (he would have had 4 weeks had he not left his job). It caused a lot of resentment and I struggled to get over it.

He has remained in that job without issue until now. He told me after work today that he has been informed of disciplinary action due to inappropriate comments towards (female) colleagues on a night out. This is the exact reason he had to leave his job before. He promised me then he would not go on nights out with work again, something he has mainly stuck to only waning if it’s something where there isn’t drink involved.

This time, he is convinced that he will get a warning and is not at risk of dismissal. This is his opinion rather than factual.

I am so bloody angry with him doing this again and told him that if he loses his job, we are over. Infact, I’m considering leaving regardless having been told the vile comments.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Do you think I should try to support him through this and how to handle any hearing or would you leave him to clean up his own mess?

He is disgusting. How on earth can you think twice about staying with this man.

He has no respect for you

Don't be embarrassed just kick him out. He's a disgusting misogynistic creep.
Do it for your child if not yourself.

Ewww
was he always like this?

I wouldn’t stay married to that especially having a child..do you have a daughter?

YANBU to consider leaving him.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Why the hell should you be supporting him? He created this mess with his "vile comments", that's all on him. You should be making it about you, and your child.

If his behaviour is so bad he's facing disciplinary action (again), is that someone you want to be with? As said by others, there are probably more instances that weren't reported.

Only you can decide whether to stay with him. Personally I wouldn't, but I don't know your circumstances; can you financially support yourself and your child if you leave - can you support all 3 of you when he loses this job too?

What an utter knob. Did he think he was being funny and totally misjudge (I have a friend like this, although he wouldn't say anything that would get him fired), or is he just a real creep towards women?

I was all set to say 'for better for worse, for richer for poorer' but it's not about him losing his job. It's about him being a completely unreconstructed sex pest. It's about whether or not you want to be married to a man who embarrasses you, who you would feel repelled by if he were a stranger or colleague making those comments to you while you tried to get on with your job. The first time should have been a wake up call to him to mature and learn to respect women and recognise what they have to deal with.

However I do agree with a PP who said, make all decisions with a cool head. Ensure you are financially stable alone, and mentally, physically, emotionally in the right place to become a single parent and endure a separation. It's very stressful.

Get rid of him, throw him in the bloody bin. Op you deserve much better than this creep

I would leave because of the comments. Whether he gets sacked this time or not is immaterial. He is too stupid to learn that you can’t go around making offensive comments and not have consequences.

If you are a team then each team member works for the benefit of the team.
Making offensive comments and losing his job then repeating the same scenario means he is working against the team he thinks he is a part of

Jesus Christ the update. Are you married to Greg Wallace?

Just seen your update OP how grim! Don’t be embarrassed for yourself you’re not responsible for what comes out of his mouth. He’s an idiot and a loose cannon, you cannot trust him.

I would leave him because he’s too stupid to realise that his “Bantz Pantz” behaviour is unacceptable in a professional environment, disrespects you entirely and proves that he is a boarish, sexist oaf who doesn’t learn from his mistakes. I hope your baby isn’t exposed to this man.

As everyone else is saying, plus he must be spectacularly stupid to say these things to and about his managers.

Ok, my DH has lost a few jobs in his time, sometimes interpersonal (not as in disciplinary, but as in falling out with people) but not for that reason which is a bit of a red flag to say the least.

I thought you were being unreasonable until that little nugget of why he is being disciplined got thrown in at the end! LTB

He’s like someone from a Carry On film - how on earth can he have that little awareness. And these are just the things you hear about because they become part of formal gross misconduct hearings. What other stuff does he do inside and outside work that does unreported

LTB so you can start rebuilding your life asap … Seriously please don’t be embarrassed - it’s all on him.

If you truly were a team, he would have been doing everything in his power to support you during pregnancy, not losing his job. At the very least, he would have made sure he was never in that position again. Yet here you are.

He doesn't get to act against the interests of the 'team', then bleat when you do the same.

After you leave him, I suggest that you have some therapy to find out why your bar was so low.

I’m sorry but I really don’t like the phrasing here. The union said the manager would influence the hearing? That sounds like victim blaming to me and if the union rep said that they should be out of a job themselves.

These are not inappropriate comments. It’s sexual harassment and he should be fired.

Talk about kick a women whilst she’s down. Surely posters can resist the snidey comments for once?

i thinik youve been worn down -its not the jobs its that hes a creep towards women

does that not bother you

Previous job - theres more to it. The manager cant influence an HR decison that far. There's witnesses or additional allegations

Current job - he wasnt drunk. Just inappropriate. Probably intimating. And his manager isnt being strict they are responding proportionately to a series of disgusting comments that amount to sexual harrassment. And when hes in trouble instead of apologising he asks for a sex act? "Jokingly"?

And he has no shame telling you hes speculating on the sexual prowess of colleagues? That hes making obvious loud comments about their bodies and asking for sex acts? Your DH is the office creep. And if hes faithful its lack of opportunity. His continued employment is the least of your worries. Sorry OP

The work related issues are the least of your problems. Do your child a favour and leave

He's a case for treatment and clearly beyond redemption at this point. Time to sit back and quietly plan a future without him, I think.

He’s a weirdo - don’t bring your child up in a house with a man like this