To be so annoyed about the dangers of being a woman?

[Givemeanamethen]

I like to run or go for long walks. I ususally listen to music or books or whatever.

There are some lovely long circular routes near me through woods and along streams. I do do them, but am always slightly on edge because it’s so big that you can go a while without seeing anyone, and if I pass a man I can’t help but think ‘if I was attacked here no one would hear’. I try and do these at busy times, be finished before it starts getting dark and I’d never do it in the rain because of how quiet it would be. It irritates me that men, of course, won’t have to consider any of this.

Tonight, I didn’t have time to go there so did a four mile route from my house. It’s pretty and got a ruralise atmosphere but the roads are relatively busy, for a Sunday night, and there are plenty of houses. I don’t ususally worry at all on this route.

But this evening, some fucking dickhead cycled up behind me, on the path instead of the road, and shouted right in my ear, clearly to try and frighten me and embarrass me, then he and his friend cycled away.

I’m so angry that I can’t even go on a walk without men getting a buzz out of harassing me.

Not even really sure what my AIBU is but I’m so angry that I could cry.

I remember waiting to cross the road when a white van pulled up to the junction and this prick screamed right in my face for no reason other than to scare me.

God how bloody depressing
OP starts a thread about her feeling threatened and you just HAVE to jump into it don’t you?
Let me say this as kindly as I can…ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!

Thick as mince? The man was trying to say that as a man, he also feels threatened and you immediately attack him?

So basically because he's male, he's not allowed to speak of his experience of feeling threatened?

(From a female!)

Oh give over, you talked about men first OP and then you were shitty to a male poster who has been a victim of such random violence posting in sympathy and solidarity. That’s the only reason why I have been posting to correct the absolute venomous anger you have directed to another poster for no reason other than they are a he and the crime statistics plus his lived experience don’t fit your bullshit narrative that only we women have these fears, that only we women are vulnerable, that men never have to worry about their safety…

Mumsnet doesn’t exclude men.

Did you miss how he first discussed his DAUGHTERS? Or don’t those women count?

Years ago DH and I were in a taxi office late at night. A couple were having a blazing row, then the bloke turns and starts to pick a row with DH. DH took my hand, turned and walked away. Fortunately the aggressor didn't persue.
But in a city centre late at night, anyone could be the victim of an uninhibited, violent idiot; male or female. There was certainly plenty of unwanted attention around in my youth from men who couldn't accept the word "no" and I doubt that's changed much.

DH doesn't fear going out for a run and being raped or murdered in daylight on quiet routes though. If someone did randomly pick on him, as a 6ft gym goer, he does have a fighting chance of self defence.
The man posting at the start of the thread is a foot taller than me and near double my mass. That is not an unusual size difference.
Being an average, middle-aged female runner and gym goer offers me minimal defence against any man who is not chronically unfit (in which case he's likely to have a significant mass advantage).

I still go out running and walking because I refuse to ruin my life out of fear of a strange man ruining my life, but it is a standard feature of being out that I constantly risk assess the people I pass for suspicious behaviour that could be a safety threat.

In the years I've been running, there have been attacks on female runners on running routes I use. Muggings, and sexual. It is purely the luck of the draw of time and place co-inciding (or lack of it.)

The only assaults I've heard of on male runners in similar local locations in that time has been from a bird of prey which has a thing against men with bald heads!
Fortunately a cap is adequate prevention from that particular preditor!

If only an item of clothing could protect women from the small number of anonymous men who are a serious threat to their ability to live life innocuously and going about their lawful business.

And porn

Yes, you’re right. Our boys seem to hit misogyny and sexism everywhere they turn in popular culture and social media.

I have two young nephews and try to instill a healthy feminism in them but they’re far too young to know if it’s had any impact. I want to know what Judy Murray to raise Andy to be so respectful of women and their achievements.

He can speak about it on another thread.

(From a woman)

Its on a public forum, on an AIBU and yes, your responses to the man in question are unreasonable!

"You do not feel as threatened as women do and you are not as threatened as women are."

You berate the poster for maonsplaining then you womansplain his lived experience?

How can you possibly know how threatened he feels? Sounds kike has been assaulted physically many times ? Have you? Statistically men are far more likely to be victims of violence from other men.

This is ageist.

I can understand the OP's anger because of what's happened to her but really no one else has to lay into this man. And what the heck has it got to do with his age. He made a valid point that at his age younger men are more likely to start trouble, because they know that while he's not old, he's not as young and strong as before.

I'm a year younger than this man, female, and maybe because of his generation I get where he's coming from. When we were younger there wasn't as much man hating or woman hating as there is now. It still existed but nowhere as openly as now. So he may well have not realised how triggering his response would be.

I'm really sorry for the OP and actually wanted to share my own experiences, but I suppose as a 'middle aged' female my experiences are not relevant. Newsflash, you'll blink and be the same age and if you're lucky you'll still be healthy enough to want to walk out in the countryside.

YANBU

It’s so depressing seeing male posters trying to invalidate women’s experiences.
We live on the outskirts of a city (village really) and I live approx 600m from the local pub. It’s a safe neighbourhood generally but I shit myself walking home in the dark at night on my own whereas my dh would never ever give it a second thought. I meet with friends in the pub about once a month and as they live in the next village I always jump in their taxi and more often than not the taxi man laughs at me like I’m lazy! No mate it’s cos I don’t want to be either harassed or followed by pub goers or picked up!

Absolutely.

My dad is 6”4 and 30 years ago he left a corner shop at the bottom of our street one night and was jumped on by a gang of teenagers (boys and girls) who bit him, punched him etc. and he believes they only stopped because he fell through the glass window of the shop.

I am 100% confident that he has never, ever, ever worried about going for a walk or a run by himself, anywhere, ever, before or after the strange incident with the teenagers. It would not occur to him not to walk wherever he wants, whenever he wants, as drunk as he wants, or to assess if it’s quiet, busy, well lit, built up, whether he could get off a path easily, whether a man coming towards him has a dog or is just jogging, whether anyone is following him.

It is simply not comparable whatsoever with being a woman.

Stop repeating harmful victim blaming myths about male victims of physical violence and murder. They do worry about strangers attacking them while out for a walk or run in rural areas. The crime statistics show this is more likely to happen to men than to women. The rarity of female victims is why we get the press coverage and not male victims. Same as why female murderers get the press coverage, because a male murderer isn’t news.

You are doing the same as misogynists who say that being in pubs, getting drunk and dressing sexy is why women are more likely to get raped than men.

I didn’t ask whether they were but whatever. Thanks for your valuable contribution.

Can we stick to the subject of the post instead of getting upset in defence of the gent posting. I'm sure he understands.

I can see that the guy posting has really valid experiences yet women are understandably going to be triggered on this subject for one reason; fear. A continual, relentless fear that many women feel that men won't ever comprehend. Underpinned by an inherently misogynistic society. Yes, better in many ways, scarily not in other ways.

Responses in light of this can therefore be less than accommodating. I'm sure the male poster will understand the place where this might come from.

It reminds me when I went on a weight loss jab thread and got ripped a new one because I've never been over weight. I accepted that and off I poddled understanding why the reaction might be passioned. And that subject isn't as emotive or powerful as this particular issue on here.

No one's being ageist. Stop being silly and let's talk about the reality of how horrible this situation is for women.

I kept off MN today and I really wish I'd stayed off

did they give out free plates of crazy for dinner or something? WTAF is happening on this thread?

goodnight @Givemeanamethen I hope you can find a better outlet for your rage. I hope also that the men who harassed you meet with some terrible misfortune.

He can talk about his feelings elsewhere. This is a thread about women.

No one has invalidated women’s experiences.
And as far as I can see, it is several female posters objecting to the OP (and other posters) invalidating a man’s experience.

The safest women are those who have no dealings with men at all.
The second safest are those who do nothing more than share public space with men.
The women most in danger are those in intimate relationships with men.

The greatest danger to women are the men they love and who profess to love them most. That's what I'm mostly angry about.

I'm a woman and I don't think it's any more dangerous being a woman. Men are more likely to be victims of street violence. Women are more at risk in their own homes from men they know but when it comes to going for a run it is men who are more at risk.
I'm sure I will also get a hard time for this but is the reality and we need to stop with the scaremongering and living in fear.

Why not ask him how that affected him instead of assuming how he feels?

I can’t believe a bloke has come on to try to minimise your experience OP, well actually I can, it’s just fucking annoying!

It’s shit OP. I like running and change my route, and sometimes use a treadmill instead, depending on the time of day and whether I’m alone. If I run with my partner or son, I don’t have to think about safety, if I’m alone, I do. I’ve had too many frightening experiences now to even think about running in our local woods alone. Even just comments from men like ‘you’re doing well’ don’t happen if I’m with my partner or son and they don’t get them at all when they ru, I only get them when I run alone. I wish these men would just fuck off.