To be so annoyed about the dangers of being a woman?

[Givemeanamethen]

I like to run or go for long walks. I ususally listen to music or books or whatever.

There are some lovely long circular routes near me through woods and along streams. I do do them, but am always slightly on edge because it’s so big that you can go a while without seeing anyone, and if I pass a man I can’t help but think ‘if I was attacked here no one would hear’. I try and do these at busy times, be finished before it starts getting dark and I’d never do it in the rain because of how quiet it would be. It irritates me that men, of course, won’t have to consider any of this.

Tonight, I didn’t have time to go there so did a four mile route from my house. It’s pretty and got a ruralise atmosphere but the roads are relatively busy, for a Sunday night, and there are plenty of houses. I don’t ususally worry at all on this route.

But this evening, some fucking dickhead cycled up behind me, on the path instead of the road, and shouted right in my ear, clearly to try and frighten me and embarrass me, then he and his friend cycled away.

I’m so angry that I can’t even go on a walk without men getting a buzz out of harassing me.

Not even really sure what my AIBU is but I’m so angry that I could cry.

I work in a pub, so don’t go out in one.

I also don’t have friends. 😂

I couldn’t cope with all the hysteria with a bunch of women. Not because I’m anti female and pro male.

I just like humans as a general concept and don’t see the benefit in ripping into one side or the other. We all have a purpose, we all have black and white, light and dark. I like men, I like women. I worship neither.

In my case it was the man I was sleeping next to who raped me. Not the random thousands I might pass in the street. I didn’t get to choose that. I do get to choose not to be scared of every man just because one made the wrong choices.

And I do have the right to express my opinion on the ‘threat’ of men against women. We all do, men included, and I’ll listen to both.

I am very sorry that a man who was close to you raped you. You do realise that he is probably capable of doing that to a stranger too- given the opportunity? I hope you reported him to the police.

Hysteria, eh?

Cheers for the confirmation.

Of course I do.

What does that realisation change though?

👍

For you? Nothing. Let’s just leave it at that.

I do get to choose not to be scared of every man just because one made the wrong choices.

If I only knew one man who made ‘wrong choices’, I probably wouldn’t feel threatened and pissed off by men in general. My feelings are based around my interactions with a lot of men. My father is an abusive man. One of my siblings abuses his wife and kids. My BIL has threatened violence towards me and been abusive to his ex. I have been sexually harassed at work, on the street, in shops, in pubs and clubs, at the gym, on public transport. I could go on. Women aren’t basing this on one man doing something once. They’re basing it on numerous men doing bad things to lots of women.

Apologies upfront from someone who was really truly abused by a ‘man’, I don’t know if I can say his name here but he was convicted and deported for horrifying assaults on women. I’ve never once felt afraid to walk our streets, or been afraid of men. I’m sorry. but that fear is in your head.

No it is not. The reason this thread was started is because a man sneaked up on me to scare me.

There are plenty of high profile cases demonstrating there is a thread and many millions more examples of low level harassment and assault.

Your experience I’m sure was awful, but your bad experience does not negate risk.

And then you just go and show us all why you get such a label. I’m a white woman who was raped by a stranger in a horridly violent attack, and a partner who was forced to have sex I didn’t want in a ‘relationship’. Twice.
We survive. We survive by understanding that most human beings would recoil in horror at the things that happened to us. We don’t survive by internalising the idea that anyone with a penis is a danger to us.

Anyone with a penis could be a danger.

Street harassment isn’t new, but many believe it’s getting worse. A poll by Zencity, which surveyed 1600 women, found that 69 per cent said they had first or secondhand experience of women being ill-treated within the last 12 months; 75 per cent of women surveyed said violence and harassment was a serious problem and asked whether it had got worse in the last five years – 42 per cent agreed, and 30 per cent thought it was the same.

Seems like quite a few women would agree with the op.

If as some people on here are saying, the odds of being attacked are so low how come many women on this thread have been attacked more than once. In fact many have been attacked multiple times. Surely the possibility of that happening should be extremely low. Bit it obviously isn’t.

Still doesn’t mean men in general have to be raked over the coals for the crime of having a penis.

I honestly think these "pick me's" are lost. Not every male is a predator no, but most predators are male. Most people who commit a violet crime are male. It is perfectly logical and reasonable to be scared of men. It does not mean you have to be but I think it is understandable that women (and even some men) are. There was a meme going around to men if they would choose "Diddy or a bear" and most chose the bear. It does not matter that it isn't all men, the problem is that we do not know which men it is. I see no point in conversing with a person who can not understand such a point.

I don’t know how to highlight so attached the whole thing. You’ve pointed out that it’s understandable that some women ( and even some men) are scared of men.

My only issue was that on this thread a man pointed out his own experiences of being attacked and that was shut down. Either we understand that men can feel that fear and apprehension of attack too or we don’t but we don’t get to tell them it’s not the same.

It’s a human emotion, women don’t have the rights to it.

He was shut down because he was posting about his male experiences on a thread explicitly started to talk about women's experiences. Which are different. Not more important, not less important, but different, because men and women are different.

The point is not that violence is unique to women, the point is that OP wanted to discuss violence against women only.

Fucks sake, it isn’t the same. How hard can this possibly be?

What do you think is going to happen to you?

Then don’t do it on an open platform and whinge when opinions that don’t match your own are voiced. 🤷‍♀️

I simply disagree with you.

My opinion is just as valid as yours.

I do feel like this is a win sometimes, though, as they are generally doing it to rattle you and showing that you are not rattled should hopefully make them feel like it's not worth it in the future.

Having said that, teenage boys or young men cycling on the pavement (in a "nobody can touch me" way not a "I'm going to make you feel scared"' way) get the full force of my Mum wrath.

Men get raped, but nowhere near the scale women and girls do. And they never get raped by women.

Does he have to be subjected to intimate examinations by strangers? Have his pubic hair combed and genitalia treated as a crime scene? Does he then have to submit to intrusive humiliating questions by the police? Is his character undermined in public in court where what he wears or says is held up as evidence he ‘asked for it’? Does he have to cope with relationship breakdowns where sex with a partner becomes a trauma? Does that man have to contend with pregnancy or an STD? Does he have to weigh up decisions like abortion or carrying the child of a rapist. All this knowing the likelihood of the rapist being punished is near zero.

The answer might be yes to only some of those questions for a tiny number of men, but it’s the norm for the thousands and thousands of women raped every year.

It’s not the fucking same at all by any stretch of the imagination. It is trauma that is UNIQUE to women. If you don’t get that, maybe consider shutting the fuck up.

🤣

Nope, I won’t shut up.

Trust me. I get the trauma.

I have a different opinion to you.

That’s all.

Live with it.