To be so annoyed about the dangers of being a woman?

[Givemeanamethen]

I like to run or go for long walks. I ususally listen to music or books or whatever.

There are some lovely long circular routes near me through woods and along streams. I do do them, but am always slightly on edge because it’s so big that you can go a while without seeing anyone, and if I pass a man I can’t help but think ‘if I was attacked here no one would hear’. I try and do these at busy times, be finished before it starts getting dark and I’d never do it in the rain because of how quiet it would be. It irritates me that men, of course, won’t have to consider any of this.

Tonight, I didn’t have time to go there so did a four mile route from my house. It’s pretty and got a ruralise atmosphere but the roads are relatively busy, for a Sunday night, and there are plenty of houses. I don’t ususally worry at all on this route.

But this evening, some fucking dickhead cycled up behind me, on the path instead of the road, and shouted right in my ear, clearly to try and frighten me and embarrass me, then he and his friend cycled away.

I’m so angry that I can’t even go on a walk without men getting a buzz out of harassing me.

Not even really sure what my AIBU is but I’m so angry that I could cry.

What risk does a 16 stone, 6ft 2 man have walking past a lone man in a deserted part of a wood whilst running. What risk?

My very skinny male friend was pulled off a bike and kicked to within an inch of his life. Another friend was beaten up by a group of girls (he wouldn’t hit back). I’ve been with a guy who was punched. All small framed guys who didn’t stand a chance. But op that’s digressing, I’m so so sorry and angry that guy did that. There’s so many assholes out there

This is so true. Men are threats even to men so of course they are as a group a threat to women too. You have a better chance of protecting yourself if you are the average man though.

Perhaps redirect your anger at the men who made women react like this.

the blokes post got deleted too.

Well said!

Sorry you're experiencing this. What I'm finding is that it seems worse now but that might just be because I was always in a very safe community and in the last few years that's changed radically.

Or is it worse now everywhere in the UK than before the pandemic? (not saying sexism didn't exist before of course)

I just know at least in my community I was very free, even to walk out late at night. Not anymore. during the pandemic a man asked me if I'd 'forgotten something' when he saw me walking down the street. I said no. He then informed me that the supermarket was closed now. I said I know. I wasn't very friendly but it was because it was the same street I'd lived on for 20 years and never had I had to explain why I was walking down it before (we were not in lockdown). I then overheard him and his friend laughing at how 'happy' I was. There was a definite feeling of them being territorial. I also had a similar feeling in the public car park near my home where I had a parking permit. I went to my car to get something, like I did for 20 years, and some guy was looking at me as if I was doing something really odd or peculiar. It also felt territorial and I refused to act intimidated because it was my usual behaviour in my area.

I just honestly think we've gone backwards.

It’s all incredibly complex. Do you think it may be beneficial if, when these people post on mumsnet. They include a list at the bottom of the post giving all the physical, biological, social, economic and sexual criteria that potential responders must fulfill in order to provide a valid response that won’t offend?

Or, and this is a radical concept, people could use a little basic common sense, read the thread and stick to the topic.

If it’s a thread about women’s experiences then responses about women’s experiences will be useful, ones about men’s experience will be out of place. If it’s a thread about Black womens experiences then responses about black womens experiences will be useful and ones about white women’s experiences will not.

If a man wants to discuss his experiences of threatening behaviour and violence he can start a new thread and people can discuss that topic there.

i suppose if you just want an echo chamber to reinforce and validate your existing views then that would be ideal.
Since we live in the real world and not an echo chamber wouldn’t engaging with everyone be beneficial in trying to understand and tackle social issues.
Instead we just end up with niche, exclusionary talking shops for the professionally offended

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025/aug/13/surrey-police-pose-as-joggers-to-catch-men-harassing-women-running-exercising

Well, it would seem that the government and the police agree with the OP even if some on here don't.

@Golden407 actually no we don’t need to include everyone in every discussion and having exclusionary groups isn’t always an echo chamber. Taking a discussion about violence and intimidation towards women and introducing the different issue of violence and intimidation towards men is diversionary. It takes focus away from the issue. They don’t have the same causes, implications, solutions….. The fact that it seems virtually impossible currently to discuss or do anything at all that solely includes female people, for concern about making the poor males feel excluded is frankly ludicrous and is also a big part of the reason that improvement in VAWG continues to stall.

Yesterday on Twitter there were a few people who had posted about Surrey police force using female police officers to identify men who catcall, jeer etc at female runners. There were thousands upon thousands of comments from men about how this country is going to the dogs, using entrapment to stifle free speech, arresting people for thought crimes and how if they stop yelling at women in the street then women will be offended and think they’re not attractive anymore. That’s what we’re dealing with. There are thousands upon thousands of men out there in the general public who honestly seem to think that shouting sexual comments at women in the street is valid, wanted, desirable and would be missed if it stopped.

https://x.com/suffragent_/status/1955650834508972264?s=61&t=_4AjlXbi-cbNgW2ZGAXrpQ

https://x.com/speechunion/status/1955215708712747482?s=61&t=_4AjlXbi-cbNgW2ZGAXrpQ

Don't be silly.

I think most people should be able to read a thread title and work out themselves if it's aimed at them or not.

The thread title was specifically talking about female experiences. I'd imagine that, had a man posted talking about his wife or daughter's experience, he'd have been quite welcome to share that as it would have been relevant.

If people want to talk about the male experience of male violence, they can start a thread about that. It's not hard.

There was similar on fb.

It was described as a 'honey trap' by one man and entrapment by others.

Fortunately, there were a significant number of women and men who put him right saying that two women jogging wasn't a 'honey trap' as women just being outside their homes living their lives nd minding their own business wasn't an invitation to men to commit crimes against them.

A worrying number of men disagreed.

What's the world coming to when men might be held accountable for harassment and sexual assault? If women are going to leave their houses and do stuff, what do they expect?

I’m happy to do that for this one.

Don’t reply if you’ve got a cock.

That’s a bizarre thing to write down

it’s not that’s simple white feminists are not permitted to respond to black feminists issues etc etc

I'll respond to whom ever and how ever I wish.

YANBU OP

The comments about this have been so depressing. Moaning about phone thefts and shoplifting (well on the phones, don't walk along a London street with them and the won't get snatched. Oooh does that sound like "don't run around in skimpy shorts? Welcome to our world!).

Even my DH had to say that he had silly comments when he went out running as well. Yes on occasion some old bloke would say something silly to him. It wasn't sexual and it wasn't threatening.

I just read a story about a woman walking along the hard shoulder of a motorway after being punched by some bloke and dragged out her car. He was apprehended fortunately. I am honestly getting so triggered driving I absolutely need a camera and I want a can of mace to spray any fucker coming near me trying to threaten me ever again. I've had two get out their car for no justifiable reason in my life.

I know I won't have any issues with women. Every horrible incident has been a man driver.

I have thought back to even more horrible incidents. @BogRollBOGOF your post was a tough read. Yet, this is and was all normalised. I agree exactly with that thought. I want to know which men are capable, I want to know how far their entitlement goes. And entitlement I believe, applies to the majority of men by adulthood.

I went to a shop today. I needed to enquire about replanting a garden shrub and then purchase something. I stopped the older man working there. He took me straight to the garden guy, a young lad who was pretty helpful. The young lad wasn't too busy, there was no one there in the garden section. The older worker said 3 times...I'm sorry mate' - to his colleague regards helping me. First time, ' sorry ( name), can you help this lady '. Then sorry again.

I said to the young guy, ' oh are you really busy today'. He says no. I laughed and said why is your colleague saying sorry repeatedly about helping me with a query. I laughed. The lad laughed. Wtf.

I am seeing more and more now that I absolutely can't stop seeing. This example is nothing big but this undercurrent from almost disdain to the top level wanting to cause serious harm feels everywhere.

I want to know what level on the scale all these men are. I'll never get the Madame Pelicot story out my mind. All the awful men I've known and had to cut off, some who present excellently on the outside.

I believe so many men really hate women.

Yes, they are. There are whole boards devoted to feminism and women's rights.

Black women have asked for just one small space on an otherwise huge site. Not least, because of some of the racism that permeates this site elsewhere.

I want respect for my own spaces. It therefore stands to reason to afford others the same courtesy.

This should surely not be too much for anyone to ask.

I have a 100-mile round trip commute to work, involving mostly motorway driving. Given some of the things I've seen on the roads over the past year, I'd resolved to buy a dashcam. You've just reminded me of this.

Thank you.

If you are annoyed (as I am) then stop advocating for rehabilitative justice. All
sorts of antisocial crime goes unpunished in the UK, it’s amazing anyone gets jailed at all. Men that grope, stalk and even rape get a slap on the wrist, you need more prisons and harsher sentencing, yes, for teen boys as well. Otherwise I don’t want to hear you complain.

Oh lord, a few years ago I was cycling (fairly slowly, TBF I was hungover) home one morning and some young lad (maybe 13?) out with both parents stood in the cycle lane, hands on hips, scowling at me. Parents said fuck all.
The cycle lane that's right next to the clearly marked pedestrian lane.
I could've swerved into the busy road because of his choice to block the cycle lane.
But I didn't and carried on cycling at the same speed. He moved and looked horrified.

It's honestly ridiculous though. Not the same in terms of safety, but similar in terms of entitlement, but male swimmers in swimming pools. I try and keep out of the way but they are obnoxious.
The other week I got in the fast lane. Me and another lady had been sharing it fine. It's a single lane so just swim right at the edge when passing. No discussion needed because we're adults.

She got out so I was enjoying lane to myself. A man got in. Who I've seen before and is definitely not a fast swimmer. No issue there. I carefully swam to the edge. Of course he has to swim, flailing, splashing directly down the middle. First couple of times I let it go, then decided fuck it. He's "accidentally" jumped on me in the past as "I didn't see you" (I'm not the smallest lady)
So I swam down the middle and gave him a big kick in his side.

"Accidentally". Funnily enough he was a lot more considerate after that.

But honestly, they are just absolute shites.

Blackmumsnetter?