To be so annoyed about the dangers of being a woman?

[Givemeanamethen]

I like to run or go for long walks. I ususally listen to music or books or whatever.

There are some lovely long circular routes near me through woods and along streams. I do do them, but am always slightly on edge because it’s so big that you can go a while without seeing anyone, and if I pass a man I can’t help but think ‘if I was attacked here no one would hear’. I try and do these at busy times, be finished before it starts getting dark and I’d never do it in the rain because of how quiet it would be. It irritates me that men, of course, won’t have to consider any of this.

Tonight, I didn’t have time to go there so did a four mile route from my house. It’s pretty and got a ruralise atmosphere but the roads are relatively busy, for a Sunday night, and there are plenty of houses. I don’t ususally worry at all on this route.

But this evening, some fucking dickhead cycled up behind me, on the path instead of the road, and shouted right in my ear, clearly to try and frighten me and embarrass me, then he and his friend cycled away.

I’m so angry that I can’t even go on a walk without men getting a buzz out of harassing me.

Not even really sure what my AIBU is but I’m so angry that I could cry.

Ugh, right? My daughter is also 11 and the boys in her after school club at primary started saying stuff like “are you Santa cos you’re my ho ho ho”. One of the kids in her class followed her home and said he was her dad because he’d fucked her mum. It starts so young.

Absolutely sick! Any I think one of the most enraging, frustrating things is that we can’t go and ask what they’re playing at. We can’t argue, because of the risk of it turning into violence that we’ll come off worse from.

Fucking Hell. That is so grim. Your poor daughter. How are our boys getting this so young?

You’re absolutely right that men are subject to violence from other men, too,
and it’s awful.

I think what we’re talking about here is the fear that lots of women have, including myself.
Men get robbed, they get beaten up if they bump into the wrong types on a night out and sometimes things go a lot worse.

However, I have never heard of a fit, healthy young or middle aged man going for a jog or a dog walk in the middle of the day - not speaking or interacting with anyone- and being hunted, raped and murdered by a stranger.

Attacks like this on women are rare but they happen frequently enough and at random and they are so particularly sadistic - that they inspire a certain kind of fear. I love walking in woods but I find myself acting like a prey animal when I’m alone - constantly watching and listening. My husband and men I know - big or small-
simply would never do this.

I don’t want to speak for the op, but I would guess that it wasn’t two lads acting like louts that bothered her in itself, it was someone coming up behind her and triggering those primal fears.

Depressing right? The next generation are getting so much right but I feel like misogyny is getting worse. Lots of Andrew Tate shit going around.

I'm sorry you've had that horrible experience tonight, but men are over twice as likely to experience violence from a stranger than women are.

Absolutely beautifully put.

Yes, it was the fear, the jumping, the realisation they’d just done it to have a laugh at my fear and subsequent embarrassment that I’d had an obvious fright and reacted accordingly.

Then obviously the thought of how vulnerable I was if they hadn’t just been trying to frighten me then the rage that I couldn’t do anything about men behaving like this.

But this thread isn’t about that. It’s about women’s fear of violence.

Oh FFS. Because they’re more likely to be in pubs, more likely to be drunk, and more likely to fight.

They do not worry about a stranger attacking them whilst out for a walk or run in the countryside. Can we give it a rest with the ‘what about the poor men?’

Don’t be daft. Of course women face a threat from men. Women are also socialised not to do things that put them at risk of attack. Why shouldn’t we be angry about it, or by people trying to suggest it doesn’t happen?

I was driving on the motorway the other day with my daughter, and in a traffic jam a truck driver leant down to deliberately make an obscene sexualised gesture at my twelve year old daughter in the seat next to me. And then he winked and laughed, because he knew he could do it and she couldn’t do anything about it and neither could I. And he could see how upset it made her and was enjoying it. Just a normal everyday experience for women and girls.

Men simply do not have to face the daily reminders of sexual and physical threat that women do — and do from very early in their lives.

Absolutely spot on. How horrible for your DD.

It’s them knowing they can do it that makes me so, so angry.

@Yabberwok I actually hear what you're saying. I'd be worried for totally different reasons as a bloke in that in many environments, you're expected to fight and it could feel threatening with how many pie head men behave.

I agree however that this is not the thread for that discussion. Because, violence and intimidating behaviour towards women is so disproportionate, it's so insidious and dangerous and under acknowledged by too many men. The stats in violence against women are horrific. So women are generally and rightfully in fear often. Because we know it's all stacked against us. I wouldn't even trust a bloody copper to help me out if I was in a DV situation. That's the truth of it for women every day.

@Givemeanamethen it should not matter - yet I was immediately thinking whether you're attractive? Young? And why? Because I recall this being significantly more of an issue when I was attractive and younger. I'm in my 40s now and not attractive due to health issues. And I notice I'm kind of invisible. And I like that. When young and attractive, I got more horrible stuff like you describe for bo reasons. Wtf is that about? I don't entirely understand. It's horrible. I wonder if I jogged my unattractive self like you did, would they bother with me? It makes me think that there's this undercurrent of resentment and entitlement and anger in many men that they put onto those women they see as the problem ( attractive, not going to give them what they want).

I might be getting carried away with myself over analysing that part.

One area I notice is still an issue is driving. I drive a small car. It's quite female looking. I'm sick of men in their cars and vans driving like horrible aggressive entitled dicks. And I know they wouldn't drive up my arse and other such things if I was a meathead in a BMW.

I'm a safe driver and don't go too slow or fast. It's these men and their entitlement.

Wow that’s dark. I’ve never thought about kneeling on someone’s windpipe or hurting someone and not stopping before.

Why not?

There's a chance this type of man might improve with shooting....But I doubt it.

@Givemeanamethen I'm so sorry this happened to you. And I understand your anger completely.

And it’s not even ‘just’ the threats of being raped and murdered for daring to be female in public.

It’s the casual and apparently socially acceptable cat calling, jeering, ass grabbing, flashing….

A few months ago it was on the news that a police force were doing undercover operations having female police officers go jogging by themselves because there had been so many reports of women being spat at and verbally assaulted while jogging.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2y1m393j0o

https://www.surrey.police.uk/news/surrey/news/2025/07---july/surrey-police-launch-jog-on-campaign/

Every woman I’ve spoken to can give examples of being grabbed at in bars or clubs, men you don’t know, haven’t even introduced yourself to trying to put their hand up your skirt or down your top, grabbing a handful of your arse or boob. I was 14 on the bus into town from school in my uniform the first time a man got his cock out and flashed me.

It absolutely is entitlement. I get exactly the same in my car. A dickhead on a motorbike was continuously swerving into the road ahead of me last year, and turning to make lewd actions, letting me get ahead and overtaking and repeating. I was beginning to panic that he’d follow me to my destination so I rang my friend to ask him to meet me in the car park. Whilst stopped at the lights, a man coming the opposite direction spoke to the motorcyclist and then started to shout at me through his window that I was dangerous driving and endangering the motorcyclist! Honestly it’s unbelievable and frightening.

In the same car I went through McDonalds drive through. Two men in the car behind were beeping their horns and making the same lewd actions if I looked in my mirror, and when McDonald’s asked me to weight in a bar the car pulled behind me and continued until I got my phone and went to take a photo of them. And when I was furious and told friends it was ‘ah it’ll just be kids’. I mean, kids can’t drive!

I’m 37 and yes, I’m attractive (I think). But the man tonight only see the back of me, so wouldn't have known my age or what I look like.

Actually, this undercover op is just ridiculous though I appreciate it may have started with good intentions

The drivers know damn well that it's harassment

The point of an exercise like that should be to penalise them in some way. Like a hefty fine.

No, I did not leave out the myth that men are violent yobs ( more likely to get into fights as you rephrased it). It is not part of the statistic of why men are more likely to be murdered by strangers outside the home.

Absolutely we can have a conversation about our concerns of violent attacks without discussing men’s concerns as soon as you and others acknowledge their existence and retract your statement that demonstrated the fallacious belief that men don’t have to worry about their safety when they go out.

All this discussion didn’t have to happen if you hadn’t been pushing misinformation.

Yep I'm really sick of it. Last night I was in a hotel and a man kept inviting himself back. Wouldn't take no for an answer and ended up following me to my room. Scary. What the fuck is wrong with (some of) them!

Absolutely.

I was about the same age when a school friend grabbed my breasts. I’ve had the same from a stranger walking home from work and from a cousin’s friend, who I’d actually got on with, in a bar. It is endless.

That is really scary! I hope you are okay. It must have been an awful experience. And one which men will never be able to relate to.

Oh so because foxes are more likely to attack other foxes, the hens should just stop worrying - right?

Females are more vulnerable than males are. So enough with this NAMALT or 'men attack men more', it's bullshit whataboutery to minimise what women go through.

I’m not sure they’re posting in good faith. I think they’re just trying to derail the thread into talking about men. Not worth replying to, although you’re absolutely right.

Oh so because foxes are more likely to attack other foxes, the hens should just stop worrying - right?

Wrong. Because foxes are more likely to attack other foxes, hens are wrong to say foxes are perfectly safe and never have to worry about being attacked by a fox like they do.

Females are more vulnerable than males are. So enough with this NAMALT or 'men attack men more', it's bullshit whataboutery to minimise what women go through.

It’s not NAMALT because that would be saying not all men (foxes) attack foxes or hens.

It’s also not “whataboutery” because it was raised in the OP’s very first post by the OP.

No minimisation of of what women go through has happened, all that has happened is an objection to the OP’s outright denial of the existence of attacks on men and then her rude and aggressive response to a male poster sympathising with her while also sharing his experience as a victim and agreeing that it’s shitty to have to worry about your safety every time you go out your front door.

It's disgusting. Men are so visual I believe they could assess your attractiveness even from behind. And I do feel that young attractive women are threatened in quite particular ways, often sexually aggressive ways like the MC Donald's incident. That reminded me of that disgusting Police killer who flashed himself at McDonalds drive through prior to murdering the young lady Sarah. He kept his job after that dick flashing disgusting mess. And then went on to kill.

All women are potentially vulnerable I know btw. Not only by virtue of attractiveness.

When younger I had all sorts. Men saying aggressive gross things to me at age 16, as I walked down a street. One guy throttled me in a town centre for saying eewww to his unwanted advances! I can't recall them all but there was such a horrible undercurrent. I feel it much less now I'm sexually invisible. But the driving thing persists. One guy tailgated me in a holiday destination whilst I had my young son in the car. I pulled over to let the limp dick drive on. He decided to stop alongside me, get out his car and start asking if I knew who he was, because he's a big deal. What on earth caused this? Apparently I should have let him have right of way at a fucking roundabout in the middle of nowhere with no traffic.

And I have a teenage son I actually want to karate kick now with the things he comes out with. Everyone is a Karen. The favoured rappers like Central Cee call girls slags and whores, good for dick sucking etc. So with SMedia, we now have this new vehicle to perpetuate that entitlement and sense of superiority males have always had, yet now at a younger age. And yes I challenge everything and remove phones and ban SMedia but it's a societal struggle in some social groups that's getting worse I feel.