To think of they want to bath together then it’s not a problem?

LondonLady1980 · 2025-08-10T18:34:48+00:00

I have two boys; the eldest is 11.5 years old and the youngest has just turned 8. They adore each other and are pretty much inseparable which also includes bath time. I have never had a problem with them bathing together as that’s what they choose to do, but some of my friends who have children of a similar age have started making comments that it isn’t appropriate. They have expressed concern for my eldest son and say that at “his age” (puberty implications I imagine) he shouldn’t have to share a bath. But I’m not making them share….they want to share. I give them to option to bathe alone if that’s what they’d prefer, but they don’t want to. When I explain this to my friends I just get eye rolls in my direction. What do other parents do in this situation? Should I be enforcing separate baths?

Sirzy · 10/08/2025 19:36

I think around stating secondary school is a good point to start implementing privacy around bathing

Fishfungus · 10/08/2025 19:39

I think this is time where as their parent you start encouraging them to bathe alone. I do think it’s too old now and your eldest needs to start having some privacy.

ooooohlala · 10/08/2025 19:41

I agree with PPs - there comes a point when it’s not OK, however much they want to. That might not be right now, but it’s soon. So I’d stop it before it’s a real problem.

takealettermsjones · 10/08/2025 19:44

There's not anything sinister in it but my worry is that they're not learning about normal boundaries and privacy. I also wonder why you're telling your friends this to be honest - if your sons' friends find out they might be teased and/or thought of as weird.

Blessedbethefruitz · 10/08/2025 19:47

I've only just started enforcing ds 6 to sleep alone (moved our floor bed setup from his room to his little sister's (3), it's my school holiday project), but even my 2 struggle to share a bath still due to legs! How big is your bath?!

I'd be encouraging privacy now I think. But also wouldn't judge.

PenelopeSkye · 10/08/2025 19:48

I imagine your elder son will decide soon enough that he doesn’t want to share anymore. I think if the boys are both happy with it then it’s fine. You presumably know it’s a bit unusual though, so not sure why you’d mention this to friends to invite comment?

Original poster

LondonLady1980 · 10/08/2025 19:53

The only reason it came up in conversation is because one of my friends was saying how she had a battle every night trying to get her son in the shower and asked if I have the same issue and I just laughed it off and said I have the opposite problem as mine never get out the bath because they just spend the whole time playing silly games with each other.

Which was met with the confused looks and the, “They still bath together?” type responses.

I genuinely never even thought that them bathing together was strange because it’s something they’ve always been happy to do.

Whenever I’ve suggested separate baths in the past they’ve both told me that they’d be really bored if they did that. They just always like being together (in all circumstances, not just bath time).

OP posts:

BendingSpoons · 10/08/2025 19:57

Personally I think as long as they are happy, it is fine. In the UK we are quite conservative about nudity, which influences people's views. It would seem odd if you prevented then having a bath together when they are used to it. I imagine your eldest will decide to stop soon enough without your interference.

Imacaroni · 10/08/2025 19:58

I would honestly be starting to encourage separate showering at their ages.

JackRobinson · 10/08/2025 19:59

I think it's unusual, but not necessarily problematic. Different families have different standards around nudity. I think a good general rule is to go with the preferences of the most conservative member of the household, i.e. if everyone in the house is happy wandering around in the nude / in their underwear, except for one person who's uncomfortable with that, then the rule is to be clothed in common spaces. If everyone is currently happy with the bathing arrangement then I'd leave it tbh (but stop telling anyone!) At some point, probably fairly soon, one of them will become uncomfortable with it and then it's time to stop it.
Is your eldest showing any signs of puberty? I'd imagine that would be the trigger for them to start feeling uncomfortable.
By way of a caveat - I would only do the above if I was 100% certain there was no sibling-on-sibling sexual abuse / "exploration" going on.
(Edited for clarity)

youalright · 10/08/2025 20:00

That's really weird mine only bathed together as baby's and toddlers hes 11 hes going to secondary school in a month. You need to be teaching your children about privacy its really important that they dont think that this is normal plus the bullying that will happens if he says something at school about bathing with his brother. Do you even know whats going on in their when they're spending all that time alone naked together. What if hes abusing his younger brother have you even thought about that incest is a lot more common then people realise.

londongirl12 · 10/08/2025 20:01

Sorry op, it just feels a bit weird. I know it shouldn’t do.

Rocknrollstar · 10/08/2025 20:01

I had one of each sex. They only stopped bathing together when it got to be a tight fit in the bath. They moved on to keeping each other company instead.

youalright · 10/08/2025 20:02

Rocknrollstar · 10/08/2025 20:01

I had one of each sex. They only stopped bathing together when it got to be a tight fit in the bath. They moved on to keeping each other company instead.

Please tell me their not 11

Redcliffe1 · 10/08/2025 20:06

My kids still bath together sometimes and are older than yours. If they are OK with it then its fine. I think people are very odd over naked bodies - as long as they both know they can opt out at any point then let them crack on.

BondAway25 · 10/08/2025 20:13

LondonLady1980 · 10/08/2025 19:53

The only reason it came up in conversation is because one of my friends was saying how she had a battle every night trying to get her son in the shower and asked if I have the same issue and I just laughed it off and said I have the opposite problem as mine never get out the bath because they just spend the whole time playing silly games with each other.

Which was met with the confused looks and the, “They still bath together?” type responses.

I genuinely never even thought that them bathing together was strange because it’s something they’ve always been happy to do.

Whenever I’ve suggested separate baths in the past they’ve both told me that they’d be really bored if they did that. They just always like being together (in all circumstances, not just bath time).

There's nothing wrong with it at all.

its their choice, its not like you're making them do it.

They don't need to 'learn' boundaries with their brother, to teach them about privacy with 'outsiders' when they want it.

as long as each of them know that when they want to the can bath (or have a shower as it's quicker and 'less boring' whenever they want to.

Don't make your boys become uncomfortable around each other to appease a bunch of neurotic adukts.

JLou08 · 10/08/2025 20:13

I'd be enforcing separate bath times. I'd do it in a gentle way rather than make them feel they were wrong for it but they do need to know that bathing together isn't appropriate. If other boys at school found out your DC many never live it down!

BondAway25 · 10/08/2025 20:13

Redcliffe1 · 10/08/2025 20:06

My kids still bath together sometimes and are older than yours. If they are OK with it then its fine. I think people are very odd over naked bodies - as long as they both know they can opt out at any point then let them crack on.

👍🏻exactly!!

BondAway25 · 10/08/2025 20:14

JLou08 · 10/08/2025 20:13

I'd be enforcing separate bath times. I'd do it in a gentle way rather than make them feel they were wrong for it but they do need to know that bathing together isn't appropriate. If other boys at school found out your DC many never live it down!

Rubbish

Tedsnan1 · 10/08/2025 20:15

Imacaroni · 10/08/2025 19:58

I would honestly be starting to encourage separate showering at their ages.

Edited

Can I ask why?

youalright · 10/08/2025 20:16

Redcliffe1 · 10/08/2025 20:06

My kids still bath together sometimes and are older than yours. If they are OK with it then its fine. I think people are very odd over naked bodies - as long as they both know they can opt out at any point then let them crack on.

Wtf your teenagers bath naked together

BondAway25 · 10/08/2025 20:16

youalright · 10/08/2025 20:02

Please tell me their not 11

Show quote history

My friends B&G were older than 11. They just drifted into having showers as it was quicker. They're both in their 20's now & very comfortable together, it's lovely..

NuffSaidSam · 10/08/2025 20:17

They are of an age where they should be bathing separately really.

The eldest is also at an age where you shouldn't be involved in his bath time. He should be bathing/showering independently.

I think it's time to instigate a change. Going up to secondary school is a good time so do it now!

suburburban · 10/08/2025 20:18

Yes I think so

BondAway25 · 10/08/2025 20:18

youalright · 10/08/2025 20:00

That's really weird mine only bathed together as baby's and toddlers hes 11 hes going to secondary school in a month. You need to be teaching your children about privacy its really important that they dont think that this is normal plus the bullying that will happens if he says something at school about bathing with his brother. Do you even know whats going on in their when they're spending all that time alone naked together. What if hes abusing his younger brother have you even thought about that incest is a lot more common then people realise.

It's not weird! It's not on to hurl accusations around either.