To think of they want to bath together then it’s not a problem?

[LondonLady1980]

I have two boys; the eldest is 11.5 years old and the youngest has just turned 8.

They adore each other and are pretty much inseparable which also includes bath time.

I have never had a problem with them bathing together as that’s what they choose to do, but some of my friends who have children of a similar age have started making comments that it isn’t appropriate.

They have expressed concern for my eldest son and say that at “his age” (puberty implications I imagine) he shouldn’t have to share a bath.

But I’m not making them share….they want to share. I give them to option to bathe alone if that’s what they’d prefer, but they don’t want to.

When I explain this to my friends I just get eye rolls in my direction.

What do other parents do in this situation?

Should I be enforcing separate baths?

I feel like I’ve stumbled into a weird parallel universe on this thread.

What that actual f*#% is wrong with two children having a bath together? I have a 12yo DS and I still sit in the bathroom and chat to him while he has a bath. He does the same with me. There’s nothing sexual about it. He bathed with his sister until they were 7 and 10.

What the hell do people think is going to happen?

Really weird?
Inappropriate?

They're kids. And siblings.

There is nothing inappropriate about a naked body in a bath in the family home 😂🤦

Not weird, I bathed with my younger sister with an even bigger age gap until I started puberty, probably 12ish. I imagine it'll end naturally as the older will enter into angsy teen mode and be disgusted by the concept of even communicating with his younger brother nevermind bathing with him

This, I think people are being really weird about this they're still children.

My oldest is 11, a girl and younger ones are boys- not often but occasionally they'll pop in the bath together, when they're getting on, i'm pretty sure it's tailing off and within the next couple of months will stop fully (she's going to secondary school), and it would always be fully my daughters choice to let them in or not.

It's an MN thing more than anything.

I think it’s fine. And the psychological maturity (and for that matter pubertal development) of 11 year old boys, particularly prior to secondary school, can vary wildly. Some are very much still children as opposed to tweens. I often think there is a weird pressure on our kids (girls more than boys but it does apply to both) to grow up super fast these days, and it’s sad.

They’ll share communal showers and changing rooms at senior school and sports clubs.
Nothing wrong with them bathing together.

Why would you want your 12 year old son in the bathroom with you or him wanting you in there when he’s in the bath.

Yeah, you need to be teaching your eldest about privacy, and this needs to stop.

I have 2 DS, 8 and 10. They have recently stopped bathing together of their own according. I honestly never considered it odd, but now they've stopped I feel like it would be odd if they started again. I can't explain why though!

I was born in the 90s

I don’t want to sound dismissive of your experience, I can understand why you would have concerns.

But are your concerns based in a view that wanting to share a bath at that age is a red flag?

Or is that being naked together encourages abuse?

Because it doesn’t sound like a red flag in the context OP describes (it’s not like one is trying to contrive the opportunity)

And regarding naked bathing being liked to abuse, I’m not sure there is evidence that abuse is more common in cultures where communal nakedness is more the norm.

In my experience being relaxed about nakedness at home has provided opportunities to reinforce boundaries ablout private parts in an organic way without shame and stigma.

i dont want to sound blasé about it but I don’t think it follows that there’s risk attached to having relaxed attitudes to bathing and nudity.

i have no opinion on it at all. If they’re happy and you’re happy then screw everyone else.

My kids stopped bathing together when the eldest was 9 or 10. Mainly because they’d empty the contents of the bath on the floor but also a mild preoccupation with being silly about their genitalia. I wanted to make sure there was no possibility of them touching each others privates just incase it became a core memory that required therapy later 🤣

A bathtub is not a communal shower

I know, there's some really weird thinking on here at times

Ive reared 2 kids and 3 grandkids. Some have become body conscious young - 8/9, others at puberty. Right now Ive 3 Gkids - 4, 12, 19. The 19 is rightly private,the 12 year old is at the stage where she wants the bedroom vacated when changing but still shares with the room with the 4 year old, and bed when they stop here. The 4 year old barges in when Im or granddad is using the bathroom/bath/toilet/shower and stands and really watches what you are doing . But then if he didn't watch how granddad went a wee, he would still be talking off all his clothes to have a wee - not what we needed when he was starting school

Im not saying me and grandad parade around naked, but obviously in the bathroom and our bedroom we will be, and whilst we close the doors, we dont lock them and if the kids come in we dont run for cover and make it weird. Kids find their way. Our oldest son would never allow you to take his top of in a store to try one on ( save the queue for the changing room ) aged 5, yet daughter was fine playing on the beach at Thorpe park in her knickers aged 8 ( cos we didn't know it was there and not prepared )

This happens in our house and honestly it’s not much different to chatting when someone’s laying on the sofa. DS8 will sometimes still hop in the bath with me, DS11 has stopped but he has no major hang up about being in the same room. I am sure that will change and I’ll respect his privacy when he wants it but I’m led by him.

Just to add i also think its weird they kiss each other in the playground

Both involve nudity or washing together.
Sports players used to share one communal bath and all get in together.
Some weird attitudes to nakedness on here.

I don’t think it’s problematic if you’re 100% sure that’s what they both want still. I think it’s a good way of seeing bodies through various stages of life without it being weird for anyone personally, I quite like it but maybe I’m a weirdo. I assume you’re there as well or within ear shot so you can monitor any questions etc. Maybe your eldest is not hitting puberty yet, not everyone follows the same trend and even if he is, it’s just a naked body? I’m sure if he was wanting time alone he would just say he would rather bathe alone. I am the sort of Mum that just talks about periods and stuff as and when it arises though rather than waiting for a big talk etc. I find it easier to just answer questions as and when they come up.

Some people are just prudish in the UK. My niece (12) still jumps in the bath at the first opportunity with DD (4). There have been questions about bit of hair that have been explained in a better way than I could, then its back to being mermaids. A good chance to be young again at a difficult age.

I remember about a year ago them jumping on the bed naked being hairdryer dried.

This is such an unhealthy response. It's basically saying that we should all conform to small-minded conformist rules in case someone decides to bully us.

An 11-year-old is perfectly capable of understanding that while it's fine to share a bath with his brother while it suits them both, it's not appropriate to do it with anyone else. Boys strip off and shower in the changing rooms after playing sport all the time. I think it's great that your sons get on so well together, OP. Don't let those who are hung up about what other people think or about nudity talk you down.

Communal showers are larger areas children of that age bathing with be touching. Squashed in a bath is like oops my knee touched your penis again that wouldn't happen in a communal shower baths are tiny

Brits are often weird about nudity. I took my daughter swimming when she was a toddler and we changed in the men's changing room. A man in his 20s gave another man a really hard time for being naked in front of my daughter. He was just a poor guy getting changed in the men's changing room after having had a swim. I wasn't bothered by him and my daughter didn't even notice. The young puritan turned to me so that we could share our disapproval and he was surprised and disgruntled when I said that I didn't see that the other man had done anything wrong. Cue a little rant about how he was stealing my daughter's childhood and innocence 🤯

Why are you sexualising children like this? Some of the prurient posters on this thread seem to see innocent fun through a very warped lens.

Aw OP, I think your boys sound lovely. So many kids are in such a rush to grow up these days, and by the sounds of many of these responses, their parents want them to as well. Why can’t they just be younger for longer. If they’re happy, and enjoying being silly together, what’s the problem?
Mine, at similar ages, were still bathing together, and I was in and out, and nothing untoward was ever happening. They gradually grew out of wanting to do it, but did it in their own time, when the oldest was about 12.