To think of they want to bath together then it’s not a problem?

[LondonLady1980]

I have two boys; the eldest is 11.5 years old and the youngest has just turned 8.

They adore each other and are pretty much inseparable which also includes bath time.

I have never had a problem with them bathing together as that’s what they choose to do, but some of my friends who have children of a similar age have started making comments that it isn’t appropriate.

They have expressed concern for my eldest son and say that at “his age” (puberty implications I imagine) he shouldn’t have to share a bath.

But I’m not making them share….they want to share. I give them to option to bathe alone if that’s what they’d prefer, but they don’t want to.

When I explain this to my friends I just get eye rolls in my direction.

What do other parents do in this situation?

Should I be enforcing separate baths?

The older one will be starting to hit puberty. And may not feel comfortable to say he doesn’t want to bathe with the younger any more.

kids are cruel and if the older one isn’t already heading to secondary in sept he will be soon and that’s definitely at the upper age for bathing with a sibling and if the other kids find out he will be bullied. Which of course he shouldn’t be, but there’s no point in making it easy for them.

it’s also an age where the expectation culturally in the U.K. is that there will be separate bathing and where nudity is not usual amongst siblings of that age.

And finally. I’m aware of a situation in our wider family of male sibling on male sibling sexual abuse and it started when the elder child was 13 and the younger 9 and I’d prefer to err on the side of caution.

Do they wear swim shorts? I personally think that's way too old to be bathing together naked. My son is the same age as your eldest and he hasn't been comfortable with us seeing him naked for a couple of years now.

Do you realise that a survey from the national institute of health showed 15%of females and 10% of males reported some kind of sexual experience involving a sibling i would imagine that number is significantly higher. Most abuse happens under our own roof from a relative or a friend of the family. Would you let your teenager bathe with someone outside the household if not why not as statistically they would be safer

It’s all well and good saying “as long as they are happy” but IF (and I am not saying for a second it’s the case here) there is sibling abuse then it’s not easy to expect the other to say there is a problem. That’s why parents need to teach about boundaries

Privacy is about personal boundaries, not something that has to be enforced.
most children will tend to it naturally but others don’t and that’s not weird - most countries I know don’t have this weird thing about being naked British people have

This.

Accusations its facts. Children are more likely to be abused in their own home by people closest to them that is a fact.

I wasn’t sexually abused but I was physically abused by an older sibling.

It is very common.

I was it is very common. People just dont talk about it

I’m sorry you went through that.

When they’re in the bath I’m always pottering around on the same floor, putting clothes away, ironing, dusting etc, or I just sit in the hallway and chat to them whilst they chat to each other. Their current favourite game is to put loads of shampoo on their heads and give each other really tall Mohawk hairstyles

With regards to privacy they are both quite different, my oldest son has absolutely no qualms about being naked in front of me and DH whereas my youngest son is ever so slightly more reserved.

If they were ever in the living room wearing just their underwear and they knew a relative was coming over (their nan and grandad for example) my eldest would feel comfortable lounging with them in just his underwear, whereas my youngest would go and find some shorts or a pair of trousers to put on.

Me and DH are never naked in front of the children but they often see us in our underwear, or wrapped in towels after baths and showers etc.

I’m sorry but pottering about? Do you actually go into the bathroom when your 11.5 year old son is naked and in the bath?

Is there a reason he isn’t showering?

Why are they in the living room in just underwear? Why aren’t they in pyjamas, lounge wear, or a dressing gown?

I think it’s great to instil a sense of our bodies just being bodies and nothing to be ashamed of. Others like to hide their bodies, sometime at all times. Live and let live.
Your elder son will come to an age when he wants more privacy and then you’ll need to navigate your younger son’s understanding and respect for boundaries. It would be a shame to artificially impose this change at a time to suit some in (a rather prudish, post-Victorian) society. Your approach seems much more child-friendly, ie do it when it’s right for the kids.
NB none of us have any issues walking around naked in our own house

I only go in the bathroom if he calls out for me but otherwise I just leave them to it. They both sleep in their pants as they hate pyjamas (I think it’s the heat as they wear them fine when it’s Autumn/Winter) so when they come down in the morning they’re just in their underwear until they get themselves dressed after breakfast or they are sitting downstairs with us in their underwear after their baths.

They’re just kids wearing dinosaur pants, it has never even crossed my mind that it’s a problem them wearing just their underwear in certain scenarios when it’s just us in the house.

It’s not like I’ve got 15 and 18 year old sons walking around the house in their tight boxers.

What kind of areas?

What the fuck 😳

That’s very young behaviour for a boy who is nearly 12, to want to put lots of shampoo on his head and make Mohican hair dos, to bathe naked with his little brother and to call his mum in, I can’t fathom why they would need you.and sitting in their underwear with visitors. I’m afraid I also think some boundaries are now needed in terms of body privacy, how to dress round people, and I’d maybe be a little concerned about the fact he still plays like a much younger child, even your younger, this is the sort of thing I’d expect from children below 5.

For me, it’s a bit like telling a 10 year old that Santa doesn’t exist. It’s for their own interest socially and maturity wise. My children are younger so I may be off the mark, but do funny hairstyles really crack an 11yr old up? My nephew is slightly older and I don’t think that would have made him laugh still at that age.

From what you’ve said, your older child just sounds a bit immature still, which is totally fine, not a dig, but perhaps as parents you should gently encourage his maturity as he moves through secondary. Dinosaur pants seems a little 4-6 yr old, laughing about hair styles, 3-8yrs, sitting around in pants in front of extended family wouldn’t happen in our house, out of respect really.

Imo it’s fine and weird to be weird about it. The kids will lead the transition to privacy in their own good time

Some 11yo are still really childlike, others are more mature. This doesn’t sound off to me, @LondonLady1980 , but if you’re concerned maybe mention that if they want separate spaces that’s ok to have.

Accusations its facts. Children are more likely to be abused in their own home by people closest to them that is a fact.

Not bathing together doesn't stop abuse...

Is your 11.5 really wearing dinosaur pants?

Nudity isn’t necessarily sexual. It’s fine unless they think it’s not fine.