To think of they want to bath together then it’s not a problem?

[LondonLady1980]

I have two boys; the eldest is 11.5 years old and the youngest has just turned 8.

They adore each other and are pretty much inseparable which also includes bath time.

I have never had a problem with them bathing together as that’s what they choose to do, but some of my friends who have children of a similar age have started making comments that it isn’t appropriate.

They have expressed concern for my eldest son and say that at “his age” (puberty implications I imagine) he shouldn’t have to share a bath.

But I’m not making them share….they want to share. I give them to option to bathe alone if that’s what they’d prefer, but they don’t want to.

When I explain this to my friends I just get eye rolls in my direction.

What do other parents do in this situation?

Should I be enforcing separate baths?

Well, half of 1000 people voting in the poll so far are in agreement that it needs to stop, and many of the comments indicate this too. It's not about thinking anything pervy or sexual, the one lad is in secondary school in a few weeks, and as someone said a few posts ago, it's time to start creating some boundaries.

As for the comments like 'people in the UK have such hang ups about nudity' and the post that said 'it's only been since the Victorian times, people used to be naked all the time before.' Daft comments. For a start LOL, no they didn't! There's never been a time when people went around naked all the time/in public.

I also wonder if the posters saying Brits have such hang ups about nudity walk around naked in their town, their village, or even their own home and garden. Of course you bloody don't. You wear clothes.

Even if just a bikini top and bottom or shorts a vest top (when it's hot.) You're not sitting there naked, so don't pretend you are!

Stop trying to shame people who don't think children over 10 should be bathing together by accusing them of having hang-ups/emotional issues about nudity etc. It's perfectly bloody OK to want older children to bathe away from younger ones (and for older children to bathe away from other older children.) So they have privacy over their own bodies.

When your child gets to 11-12 and says 'mum I don't want to bathe with my 8 year old brother anymore,' are you going to say 'no, don't be silly, it's only naked bodies, willies, fannies, and bums, why do you have such hang-ups?!' As a poster said earlier, the kids in secondary school will rip the piss out of him if he says he bathes with his brother! If it's so 'OK,' then why don't you bathe with him as well??? I mean it's only naked bodies right?! Why not bathe with your neighbours as well?!

Stop labelling people who want to keep parts of their physical being private (and that of their children) as uptight, and having issues, and having hang-ups! So what if they do it in Japan and Finland, most people don't bathe together naked with their whole family, and their children FGS. It's their right to not want to, and to not be 'shamed' by others - many banging on on here who would never bathe with their own bloody parents! Just don't even pretend you would! And as for suggesting people would leave their parents in their own filth and not look after them, because they wouldn't want to see their nakedness. Stop talking such utter rot. That is NOT going to happen FGS! 🙄

Gosh, i think it's perfectly fine. If they're happy and they fit then what's the issue.

Some very prudish posters here, must have massive body hang ups. Hopefully their children won't feel to ashamed of their own bodies when they grow up.

Plenty of countries are naked through to adulthood and it's perfectly normal.
Think of the Nordics and their sauna, Japananese Onsen- business men all naked bathing together. Clothing strictly prohibited.

On the other hand half of the people think it's fine, actually at the moment it's 51% thinking it's fine.

@Zov You seem very emotional about this. No-one is being forced into anything. And no-one is talking about walking around town naked. This thread is about siblings who choose to bathe together. There's nothing wrong with leaving the children be to decide for themselves what they are happy with and when they want to stop. That's a much healthier attitude than your freaking out and throwing tantrums at the very idea. Different families do things differently and there's nothing wrong with that.

Oh my gosh so many strawmen here I don't know where to start.

No-one is say we should prescribe nudity for all in all circumstances, don't be ridiculous.

All that is being said is that within the context of a family, for two pre-pubescent children f the same sex to feel comfortable playing in the bath while naked is FINE.

Because there's nothing inherently wrong with nudity. Pointing out that different cultures have more relaxed attitudes towards nudity just shows that there's a big range of what's considered normal. We're not suggesting all Brits are frogmarched to the nearest sauna to strip off.

Also absolutely no-one is saying that the 11 year old won't want or need more privacy as he gets a little older - only that it doesn't have to be forced on him at a particular age 'just because'.

my ds 10 and 8 also still share a bath - their preference, they could bath or shower separately, they also give each other a hug and kiss goodbye in the playground, this will all stop when they get too big for the bath together or grow naturally to prefer bathing alone.
shock horror my 10 year old still holds my hand whilst walking and will do so in front of his peers, 8yo ds has never wanted to hold my hand, 10/11 is the age where some children are still children and others are ‘tweens’

If both kids are happy then I wouldn't stop it. But the baths (particularly for DS1) become bath playtime. Separate showers to actually get clean before school.

Yikes OP, this thread is a mess. No wonder you've felt upset.
Just a word of support from me. Your boys sound lovely. My two are older now but the same age gap.
They bathed together til 9 & 6 and probs would have done longer if we hadn't moved house.
They're also super close and still (although not as much) chose to spend time with each other. They cuddle and kiss each other's heads to say hello and goodbye and often fall asleep in each other's rooms.

Never once has the closeness been mocked by friends/school mates.

They'll find their own boundaries. We've supported ours to say its OK to want their own space at times.
It's entirely possible to be close AND have boundaries.

Also, to add. My OH, kids step dad is also super close to his brother, its so lpvely to see,.as I'm aware my two could grow apart some day. Maybe they won't, and it's not as unusual as folks here are .making out.

Enjoy your gorgeous boys. I honestly think we don't hear enough about good kids, sibling who get on, and families who manage to plod along angst free and when we do, it touches some people nerves 🤷

Thank you for your support. I know how lucky we are.

Last week our eldest son went to a tennis camp for the day and my youngest son, every hour was saying, “When is Jack (fake name) coming home?” or “How long until Jack is back?” or “I wish Jack was here” etc etc

When the eldest did come home they went running up to each other for a reunited cuddle and you’d think they hadn’t seen each other for about a year 🤣

And that was it then…..inseparable for the evening.

They do miss each other even if they’re apart for just a day.

We have got 4 chairs in our living room (two sofas and two single chairs) and they still have to sit next to each other, sitting apart just doesn’t seem to be an option 🤣

I was very close to my sister when I was growing up, we were best friends and did everything together, we were completely inseparable, we had all the same friends, did the same hobbies and it felt so completely natural to just want to be near her all the time. Obviously we are adults now and have separate lives but we are still really close and she’s still one of my favourite people, she means everything to me.

When I see my boys together and the relationship they have it makes my heart ache because it takes me right back to my childhood and re-live the relationship I had with my sister. When I think back about how much my sister enriched my life as we grew up together, and now seeing the same happening with my own children, well it just feels really special.

So nice to hear about brothers who are so close @LondonLady1980 and especially from @SantanaBinLorry given yours a bit older and still close.

Mine are just like this too - two peas in a pod - and I know they've been so lucky to have that bond through their childhood and I just hope the maintain it to some degree through their teenage years.

I go to sauna naked with my mum. I'd go with my neighbour too if she invited me round for sauna.

OP of course the friendship your sons have is lovely, no one is disputing that. But you must surely see that this thread demonstrates that many people think bathing together at their ages is strange. That doesn’t mean it has to stop, but it does mean that your boys need to be aware that it’s unusual. You won’t be doing them any favours if you allow them to think it’s “normal”. If they don’t know to censor this fact, then it may slip out in conversation, and trust me, your DS1 will be ripped apart at secondary school for it. Have you forgotten what older kids are like?

Careful OP, people will be in telling you they're unhealthily enmeshed 😆
I think its bloody lovely.
My childhood was not in any way like yours so I'm blown away by their closeness for other reasons.

Youngest has been away on a group trip. Didn't hear from him for 5 days, standard teen behaviour 😆
Apparently, they've been messaging between each other daily ❤️

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this myself. I don’t mean from a ‘sexual’ POV or anything like that as I would also be encouraging 2 girls or 2 boys to have some more privacy at those ages. I wouldn’t judge you for being ok with it as clearly your children enjoy the time together but it just wouldn’t happen in my house and I know my children would be horrified if it was suggested.

They are two boys.

And, genuine question - why should it need to be encouraged?

Assuming both boys have access to privacy when they want it, any if you're not concerned about it from a sexual POV, then what IS the problem?

I know lots of people have more hang-ups about nudity, but what's the advantage in manufacturing that hang-up?

As an aside - we were on holiday last year in Scandinavia and at a water park everyone was expected to strip off fully in a communal shower before entering the pool. No-one local batted an eyelid but some of the Brits were unprepared for this and freaking out.

Yes but little boys have erections from birth Assuming they have been bathing together since they were little, they've always been, visible was my point.

Can you honestly not see the difference between an 11.5 years ere tion and an 8 year old?

Mine are a bit younger but also different sexes. We don’t bath often but when it happens they mostly go in together. Their choice. On holiday it’s also been known that I’ll shower and they’ll be so impatient to get in after me that they’ll get in whilst I’m showering. It’s a squeeze and not really my preference but they love it.

I don’t see the issue until they start to become more body conscious they’ll stop it naturally themselves.

it has potential to start becoming a bit weird post puberty but before then no way. I guess the difficulty as people have said is that some 12 year old boys can be in the thick of puberty. I still think the chances of it coming up in school conversation are so slim I don’t think it warrants even making 11 year old feel uncomfortable by saying ‘don’t mention you bathe with your brother to your friends’. Saying ‘don’t talk about it’ makes it weird in my option so just let it run its course naturally.

Can you honestly not see that I was just pointing out that erections happen to boys their entire lives not just as they approach puberty? 🙄

If it's something that's potentially happened all along then it doesn't really make any difference to them whether they're 8 years old or 11 years old unless the 11-year-old is feeling self-conscious about it.

I agree. I went to Austria and the (posh) hotel had a wonderful spa. In the communal sauna it was compulsory to not wear clothes and the mainly Austrian and German customers were totally relaxed about it, so I was too. It seems odd now to go in a sauna and have to wear a swimsuit.

It's not about shaming them. People can do what they feel comfortable with and I would never dream of making someone put themselves in a situation they don't feel right with.

However there are just as many posts shaming those who are more relaxed about bodies and nudity. Maybe suggest to those people that they shouldn't be shaming also?

Yes & yes!!

@Zov it sounds like you’ve lived quite a sheltered life. I’m British but have lived in Scandinavia and Germany, as a child and adult, and all ages swim naked and sauna naked together. You are not allowed to wear swimwear in the sauna - it’s banned. Many public pools in Germany have a naked areas as do the beaches.
There’s really nothing weird about it all.
More broadly, I think a lot of problems in the world would be resolved if people travelled and experienced other cultures more - Looking at you Zov.

This. He’ll decide soon himself. I’d leave it up to him. There’s no need to enforce privacy when it’s not wanted.

So they're sitting cross legged at either each end of the tub, yet they put their goggles on and dive in looking for toys, and race fish from one end to the other... You could hardly liken this to sitting in a Finnish sauna, they must be wriggling and sliding all over each other. Unless your bath is 4 times the size of a normal one or you have miniature children?

Do they do this when they have friends around for sleepovers? What do the friends think/say?