To think of they want to bath together then it’s not a problem?

[LondonLady1980]

I have two boys; the eldest is 11.5 years old and the youngest has just turned 8.

They adore each other and are pretty much inseparable which also includes bath time.

I have never had a problem with them bathing together as that’s what they choose to do, but some of my friends who have children of a similar age have started making comments that it isn’t appropriate.

They have expressed concern for my eldest son and say that at “his age” (puberty implications I imagine) he shouldn’t have to share a bath.

But I’m not making them share….they want to share. I give them to option to bathe alone if that’s what they’d prefer, but they don’t want to.

When I explain this to my friends I just get eye rolls in my direction.

What do other parents do in this situation?

Should I be enforcing separate baths?

This. It sounds like they are both aware of boundaries, but they are happy with it for the time being.

I will never get the MN scowling about a child being "young" for their age, like it's some terrible crime. Everyone is an adult for long enough, why rush to get there any sooner than necessary?

Is there a particular reason why?

It's fine. The older boy will soon find silly games in the bath with his brother too childish, and will probably prefer solo showers.

Because I am aware of cousins in my ex’s family where there was sexual abuse of a younger boy by an older brother and that child showed concerning behaviour towards one of mine.

As I have already explained.

My 11 yo DS is markedly less mature than others in his year group but I am not going to force him to try to meet other people’s expectation of where he “should” be.

I know he would just shrug if other people thought sharing a bath was weird because it’s been perfectly normal for him.

As I have repeatedly said, I’m aware of sexual abuse from elder to younger brother in my ex’s family and I prefer to err on the side of caution.

They are fine to bath together. Why on earth would anyone think it was 'inappropriate'? We're far too prudish about nudity in this country. The older one will tell you when he doesn't want to anymore.

Yes we in the UK are really weird about nudity....it's a Victorian hang over. Before we saw each other naked all the time, the continentals don't bat an eyelid. I suffer from a really prudish streak as a man...one of my customers used to come to the door with just a towel wrapped round her I couldn't look her in the eye...why I couldn't see anything more than if she was wearing a strapless dress!!!

It sounds fine to me. Children can perfectly well understand about boundaries and where those apply (other people's houses for instance) whilst having some freedom around this in their own family.

There seems to be no mention of a possibility of that in the OPs case. Besides if one boy was to abuse another why would it be in the bath. Rather than the bedroom or anywhere else?

I wouldn't expect my 11 year old DGS to be lounging in his underwear when I visit

And if he wears dinosaur pants at secondary school he really will be ridiculed.

I can't believe so many PPs are SHAMING an 11-year-old for being a child!

He's 'immature' - at 11. Well, blow me. He likes dinosaur pants, mucking around with his brother and making soap hair spikes in the bath. He's a kid.

He's not got long left before puberty begins. Let him and his brother enjoy being kids together while it lasts!

Seriously?

Im only 60, dh is 63 - he shared a bed until he was 15 with his brother, I certainly shared a bedroom and baths with my wee sister

They are siblings, you are a family

Kids find their own way when they want privacy - usually as they come into puberty , which your eldest doesn't appear to have reach yet

I agree completely. I think it's so lovely that they are each others best friends. And so lovely your eldest is young at heart and isn't into all this tech right now. Let them carry on being children. Your soon to be teenager will know when he wants things to be different. Be led by him. You're doing a fab job! Don't doubt yourself.

I think it’s lovely in a world where we want to force our children to grow up. Who the fuck cares if he’s not living on a PlayStation and likes being a child. I’ve seen the opposite in mh family, a child wanting to do child’s things and being forced to grow up by the adults and they just want to play but want to be seen to be adult

I'm amazed at the number of posters who think that the way they do things in their family is 'the right way' and that any families that do things differently are 'wrong'. There are lots of different ways to bring up kids. The OP's two boys sound happy, healthy and very good friends. What's not to like?

All this 'well what if....' and 'statistics show that...' Children who are being abused tend not to be happy. They don't sound secretive at all and I'm guessing the OP is well tuned in to their vibe

I'm guessing that, as puberty kicks in, the older boy will naturally withdraw from this practice. We were very comfortable being naked around our children and there came a point with each of them that they stopped being naked around us. When that happened we accepted it and respected their privacy

@LondonLady1980

Yeah, 11 and 8 is too old to be bathing together. Make them have separate baths/bathtimes.

Personally I think it is fine.. I expect the older boy will pull back on his own once "changes" start happening, and he gets conscious of his body.

In lots of cultures comunal bathing (same sex) is normal. Nothing sexual about it, promotes healthy body images and reduces self consciousness etc.

Even in this country, he'll be sharing showers with other boys if he is ever on a sports team etc.

This thread is depressing. DD10 and DD6 love sharing a bath. They make potions, play with their Barbies (presumably also frowned upon for being too 'immature'), make up silly songs. They will sit in there until the water is absolutely freezing so clearly have no qualms about being naked around each other. They're sisters, not strangers.

I wouldn't put my 5 and 9 year old in the bath together so I do think your boys are a bit old. I would gently start encouraging them to bath separately

For me it's not the the nudity, per se, it's about attending to personal care with your sibling (or indeed anyone) directly in front of you. Don't boys have to be particularly meticulous, especially approaching puberty? It's not the same as splashing in a paddling pool or seeing a close family member naked.

I assume in all these other more liberal countries people aren't casually cleaning under their foreskins whilst lounging around discussing the football? That is not a public bath I would wish to attend.

Not necessarily. Mine are 15 and 18 and still each other's best friends and spend all their time together.

It's lovely. They bathed together until they stopped having baths altogether and just showered, but they still sleep together even though they have separate bedrooms.

This is one of those threads where I suddenly feel very out of step with the MN consensus! It sounds fine and normal to me, OP - I’m sure once the older one hits puberty hell stop wanting to bathe with his brother anyway, but while they’re both having fun I can’t see what the problem is.

This response is really weird. You sound like someone from the 50s.

Same here. They’ve each got their own bedroom but they don’t like sleeping apart and they take it in turns as to whose room they sleep in with the other one sleeping in a sleeping bag on top of a thick winter quilt on the floor 🤣