To think of they want to bath together then it’s not a problem?

[LondonLady1980]

I have two boys; the eldest is 11.5 years old and the youngest has just turned 8.

They adore each other and are pretty much inseparable which also includes bath time.

I have never had a problem with them bathing together as that’s what they choose to do, but some of my friends who have children of a similar age have started making comments that it isn’t appropriate.

They have expressed concern for my eldest son and say that at “his age” (puberty implications I imagine) he shouldn’t have to share a bath.

But I’m not making them share….they want to share. I give them to option to bathe alone if that’s what they’d prefer, but they don’t want to.

When I explain this to my friends I just get eye rolls in my direction.

What do other parents do in this situation?

Should I be enforcing separate baths?

This is a weird comment to me. My DC are slightly younger. They shower together or with us if we let them (I usually refuse as I like my own space) and will wander in when we are showering, same as DH will wander in to hang up a towel etc when I'm showering. That's totally normal in our house. If we want privacy e.g. going to the loo, we lock the door. Of course they don't just wander in at other people's houses! It's perfectly normal for children to understand your have different boundaries with different people. It's bizarre that you think if a child sees their sibling naked in their own home they will expect to see everyone else naked.

Wouldnt be a problem for me, but I’m shocked that your kids get on so well. How on earth did you manage that

I’m sorry but pottering about? Do you actually go into the bathroom when your 11.5 year old son is naked and in the bath?

I'm sure the OP blindfolds herself first!

Am I the only one who is still trying to work out how they both fit in the bath?
Surely it can't be comfortable for them.

I've read threads about people going to the sauna naked with work colleagues in other countries! That is definitely too weird for my British-ness but immediate family isn't an issue to me, as long as all are comfortable. Of course it needs to stop as soon as someone feels uncomfortable.

It's good that they are both unselfconscious about their bodies. Why shouldn't they be, and why shouldn't the younger learn about puberty by seeing his brother's body change? Bathing together would obviously stop now if the children were different genders, but this is different. Most adolescents do not abuse their younger siblings; of course it can happen but there's no need to assume it will, and there's no reason to assume that if the elder one was likely to abuse his brother, the only opportunity would be bathtime.

I've read threads about people going to the sauna naked with work colleagues in other countries!

that's too much for me! One of my friends is Swedish and she has no boundaries! Don't worry Mumsnetters she doesn't barge in to toilet cubicles or strip off at her desk.

Most adolescents do not abuse their younger siblings; of course it can happen but there's no need to assume it will, and there's no reason to assume that if the elder one was likely to abuse his brother, the only opportunity would be bathtime.

exactly

Some boys are still very young at 11 and kids grow up horribly fast when they start secondary school not because of their age but because of the difference. I would leave them for now but gently and gradually talk to the 11 year old about how he might feel differently about privacy in the near future.

There are public baths on the Balkans where you are segregated by sex. Especially in resorts with mineral water. Yes, with complete strangers. You can literally go completely Eve naked in a pool with other women and then bathe yourself as you do at home, dry and put your clothes on. Same for men. Issue never heard of but as this is another culture, I won't be giving you opinion

Exactly.

We are just very, very lucky.

Since the youngest was about 6 months old his older brother doted on him, and our youngest really looks up to his brother.

Even when my oldest has his friends round for sleepovers he’s quite happy for his younger brother to be there too and sleep in the room with them all.

They genuinely spend all their free time together.

When I drop them off at school they give each other a hug and a kiss at the school gates before heading off to their separate classrooms.

They always say they are each other’s best friends.

I know tang this is not going to last together and no doubt in a few years it will be a TOTALLY different dynamic and that’s why I don’t want to enforce change on them, especially when they’re so happy with how things are.

Me too! I had to stop my kids having baths together at a much younger age because they couldn’t both fit in and would accidentally kick each other!

I have re-read your comment and can see where you were coming from now, suggesting this might be a factor in the friends' reactions. I apologise for saying it was bizarre, I read it differently first time.

I don’t imagine it is 🤣

They play “Rock, paper, scissors” to see who has to sit at the “tap end” and then they both sit there with their legs crossed 🤣

It sounds lovely and how nice they get along so well! Some kids are just younger for longer and I think that’s great too: there’s no rush to grow up and leave childhood. They sound happy, they’re having fun.

I think it’s time, 11 is too old and he shouldn’t really need much supervision at his age. And he’s at the age now where all it takes is one comment from a friend and he could become mortified that he’s been sharing a bath for so long. He’s going to start looking different too. Best to start encouraging some independence I think.

Really? When mine started grammar school then boys all showered together, it seemed to be particularly a thing after rugby matches. I think boys are often less shy about it than girls.

One memory is DH running a football team for 18 year olds. It was cold and wet so I went and sat in the corridor at the leisure centre with other mums and girlfriends. There were two doors out of the shower area one into the changing room and one into the corridor. One poor land waltz out Io. To the corridor stark naked with a towel over his head. He peeped out and just walked back in. I remember thinking I'd die of embarrassment.

My DS lived in his pants.

Within a few minutes of coming in from school he was out of his uniform and sitting on the lounge floor in his pants playing with Lego.

Eventually when he was about 12 I did say he might prefer to put his pj bottoms on. He is 23 now and works nights and sleeps during the day, but he will often appear downstairs in his boxers to get some cereal before heading back to bed.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it, however I expect most on here will disagree, as British people have a serious hang up/inability to comprehend non-sexual nudity. I think it might have something to do with Puritanism and Protestant shame around sex/nudity, thus being unable to separate the two.

It's fine op. If they're happy and you're happy then there's no problem. They sound very sweet :). It's so sad that people on here can't accept that kids that age can still be innocent.

Your eldest will naturally start to want more privacy and you don't need to enforce or encourage anything. I used to worry about my DS running about naked after his bath and thinking it was hilarious. I thought it would never stop (just like every other phase) but of course it did and he doesn't still do this at age 20!

I think it's different when the children are different sexes.