Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

Maybe depression? Maybe poverty? Maybe anxiety? Maybe a lack of imagination? Maybe a lack of confidence? Maybe a fear that they can’t handle their child’s behaviour in public? Maybe a paucity of experience inter generationally?
you do you boo but don’t judge others.

I have friends like this some people just don't mind sitting in the house all day and I find the kids eventually expect that and become like that

Because for various reasons many households don’t find it easy. I don’t think judging people will help at all will it!

I don't understand how the parents aren't bored! We're out most days except when we're working and DD goes to holiday clubs.

I think similarly about term time.

DD has musical theatre club on Monday, Rainbows on Tuesday, Yoga on Thursday and swimming on Saturday and next term is starting dance on Sunday. But some of her friends that live round here don't do a single club or activity. I understand not overscheduling but surely you want your kids to be well-rounded and don't deny them having hobbies. Maybe the kids never ask their parents, but DD is always asking if she can do something new.

If I had young children I would find it really hard to go outside regularly with them, and I don't have a car to get anywhere. I suppose I'm just pretty unfit and tired really. I'm in my thirties

I have no idea, it’s so much harder keeping kids cooped up at home especially when they’re little. There’s so much on in the community over summer. We take our DCs out every day that we’re not working (when working youngest is at nursery and oldest is school age so at holiday camps, play dates and grandparents when we’re not on leave).

If you come into contact with these families surely you have at least some insight as to why some people find it hard?

You’ll get flamed on here OP but I actually kind of agree and while I’m sure there are some families for whom there are very genuine reasons, I do think a significant proportion of people just can’t be arsed. And I don’t really blame them in some ways because kids can sometimes be right arseholes when out and about and it often feels easier to just stay at home. But I do take mine out because I feel that I should, but I often wish I hadn’t bothered 😂

It's just very sad. It's not about expensive farm parks and days out. Its about letting children see something beyond their own bedroom and school. It contributes to learning experiences and hunger to see things.

I'm lucky, I drive and I have some means. My children have lots of free play time at home and live in the countryside but I also ensure we go to National Trust places to see things, we go fruit picking and I follow the local village abd towns Facebook pages to see what free events are on. They aren't spoilt but they get so much from visiting places.

I met a little boy Friday who said he'd just "chilled out" and played his tablet all summer and it made me so sad.

Depression can be helped by getting outdoors, moving, getting the endorphins going, a bit of exercise
anxiety and lack of confidence - same, graded exposure to going out, doing more
poverty - if you aren’t role modelling to kids to go out, interact with the world, even if it’s the free things like the park, the library, how are they going to have the skills to escape poverty in later life ??
can’t handle their kids outdoors ??
get a parenting course, join a support group how are you or the kids ever going to be able to have a normal functional life ??

I think we should judge such a waste of life -
these stuck at home families are more likely to be unhealthy physically and mentally and have poorer social functioning - and that’s not OK

I booked a few days off at the beginning as we were having renovations and then the last week because we're going away. But other than that and the odd trip to town my dc now nearly 12 and 14 are quite happy entertaining themselves or going out with friends

We did do more day drips when they were younger

I live quite centrally in London. We have all the incredible free museums etc just a bus ride away, and yet there are plenty of kids in the local primary who will only go on school trips, their parents don't take them. They stick to the very local area except for visiting family.

I agree. We've barely been at home so far. And that's not because we are spending loads of money.
When my kids have their friends over nearly every single one of them have not done much at all "watched TV/played on phone/chilled" all said the holidays are not much fun. Many of their parents are not working! Very sad.

DD has musical theatre club on Monday, Rainbows on Tuesday, Yoga on Thursday and swimming on Saturday and next term is starting dance on Sunday

Did it cross your mind that many parents couldn't afford this.

5 days of activities is ridiculous and it's too much. If she is in rainbows she is 7 or under.

You're the other end of the scale where your kid must never be at home. Down time os important.

That's it. It's like it doesn't occur to people to go out.

A lot of the children seem quite bored and miserable. They have no memories made to look back on and ofte. no drive to succeed as all they see is people milling around at home.

If you are out there are so many teaching and learning opportunities in what you see.

I find it surprising that you work with these families, sonarempaid for this but you aren't able to understsnd why. That doesn't mean that you agree with them but do you really, really have no idea why families struggle to access things? I find it really hard to believe but take just one thing - money.
Yes, some activities are free to enter. But are they really free? Or are there going tk be lots of add ons that it's hard (or absolutely gut wrenching) to say no to your children, yet again.
Is it free to get there?
Is it easy to find out about if you are potentially of a low reading age?
Is it over a meal time so that you need to take and carry food (embarrassing maybe) or will your children be asking for food which you can ill afford.
Or are you worn out from lining up at a food bank this morning, worn out by working out what meals to cook with what you've generously been given but didn't choose.

SO maybe staying home today it just easier.

And that's just money. Not poor mental, physical health for adults/children. Disabilities. Neglect.

A friend of mine never took her kids anywhere except to her mums. She used to have so many excuses. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. They were sniffly this morning. I don’t think she meant to but she was also overwhelmed with housework and used to think that was her priority.
So many families don’t take their kids out. I’ve heard kids say that they want to go to the park or library but their parents won’t take them.

I was almost never taken out as a kid - looking back the reasons are more understandable now.

My (single) mother is autistic (not diagnosed until her mid 50's), so crowds and noise have always been a thing to avoid. She was also generally burnt out and overwhelmed due in part to her own past trauma as a child. Weekends were her recovery space, and she has terrible time blindness, so we were often left to our own devices for weekend mornings.

We were also poor, so going somewhere where we might have asked her for anything (e.g. an ice cream) and she would have to say no felt too much for her. This also meant no clubs, or organized group activities. I don't recall any picnics but we did sometimes go blackberry picking at a path a few minutes walk from one of the places we lived.

She has trouble with social interactions, being aware she cannot tell if someone is lying makes her very cautious. So no play dates, etc, until we were able to arrange our own as teenagers.This meant she had no way of learning about any new to her activities that would be 'free'.

Edit to add: I suspect my son is autistic, and i can understand on that side why it may sometimes be easier to allow him his recovery time, avoid changes to routine, eat where his dietary preference is definitely catered for, avoid potential issues with toileting accidents for a six year old, etc. I do take him out regularly because i don't want him to have the childhood i had, but i can also recognise that it isn't as straightforward as saying that going out is a lovely thing for everyone.

Some of my happiest times during childhood were playing in the garden with my grandparents, having picnics on the rug in the living room, and watching videos or playing games that usually we wouldn't have the time for.

You don't actually know what goes on in the house.

Sometimes relaxing is fine, you don't have to plan wall to wall activities.

We (me, husband and teenage daughter) have plenty of activities we can do at home that we love.
Reading, writing, building Lego, making jewellery, playing computer games/board games, making stop motion films on the laptop, listening to music, watching tv/films, drawing, cooking......
We do regularly go out. We were also happy as larry during lockdown when we couldn't go out.
People are different and like different things.

I'm not saying everyone should do 5 clubs a week. She as a very active kid who asks to do these things and a lot of them her school friends do so she wants to do them as well. Which one do you think she should drop?

Musical theatre which she absolutely loves and has grown her confidence massively?
Rainbows which she's excited for all week, I volunteer at and we go to together?
Yoga after school so she can watch most of her class go without her?
Swimming, so she doesn't drown immediately if she ever ends up in water?
Or dance which she's been asking to join all year but I told her to wait until Y1 because she already had a lot on?

She has plenty of downtime, 5 hours of activities she enjoys every week + 30 hrs at school isn't even the hours of a FT job.

There's a big difference between saying every Reception kid should be in multiple clubs and activities and children who throughout primary school never go to anything. Rainbows is at the nearest school which is a 5 minute walk from our house and costs £30 a term. We don't live an impoverished area.

You can't imagine why someone would want to sit at home all day? I'm recovering from cancer treatment. So take your judgmental pity for my poor, bored child and shove it.

How do you know they’re just “sitting at home” all day though? There are plenty of things to do around the home that are fun, interesting and educational. They might be cooking, growing stuff in the garden, drawing, reading , sewing, the list goes on

You could just as easily ask why some people have to be out all the time. IME it’s much easier to go out, and harder work to entertain kids at home.

Clearly you are the exception. Not who the OP is referring to.

What’s the deal with free museums now? Is it that simple? I’m outside of London so train fare in is high but would love to do some of the museums