Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

😂😂😂 you’ve reminded me of dd2 writing all about her summer holiday memory - a trip to the park. We did go to the park the day before going back to school. But what she forgot to mention was the 3 week
trip to Canada and road trip from Vancouver to Calgary to visit her uncle, auntie and cousin 🙄
dc aren’t the best at remembering what they did. But I’m sure there are pockets of people who don’t go places. Many threads at mnetters who don’t drive and the reality is that makes it harder to just pop to the library or park. Although they’ll argue it doesn’t impact their life and they don’t need a car.

I met a little boy Friday who said he'd just "chilled out" and played his tablet all summer and it made me so sad

When ds1 was just starting Year 1, he had to draw a picture and write a sentence about the best thing he'd done that summer. As he pulled it out of his bookbag at the end of the day, I wondered what he'd have told his new teacher about and written as his favourite. The week in Italy? One of many, many beach visits in the UK? Legoland? Camping? One of several long cycles? The whole extended-family BBQ? One of the sports camps he'd done? A museum? A pottery painting experience?

'The best thing I did this summer was eat crisps in bed with daddy' 🤦🏻‍♀️ fml.

We don't have much spare, we prioritise the activities she wants to do. But if your child is doing 1 a week and now 2, then you are doing that too. I specifically mentioned families in our area- well off families with the latest gaming consoles, VR headsets, Labubus and expensive trainers- who don't send their kids anywhere, even when the kids clearly have interest/talent.

One of DDs friends mum was like this. She just wasn’t interested in putting herself out to do something she wasn’t interested in. At a push she would go to softplay because she could sit in the cafe.
We live 20 minutes from the sea. Her children had never been to the beach in this county. They had been abroad and near her mums because her aunt would take them when she visited. But she wouldn’t take them. She would however go with her partner without the children. She also went to Harry Potter Studios, theme parks etc - all without the children multiple times.

I can offer one perspective. We try to go out every day with disabled DC but sometimes it's just too dangerous or hard. They get fussy if they don't go out but paradoxically seem to not be able to handle it when we do go out - so I often can't win.

Today I dragged them out and one DC threw his shoe in a pond and screamed and attacked his dad and the other had a screaming self injuring meltdown because I couldn't get one of his (very bizarre) OCD rituals correct. I wish I'd just not tried, I think they would have been happier at home but the mum guilt set in. If my DC were less sort of 'obviously' disabled and mainstream ability but still ND I'd feel such enormous pressure to take them out for enriching or 'normal' childhood experiences. As it stands I still get shit from family members if they think we don't take them out enough (even though they go out at least every couple of days).

This, and just because people are different.

How in depth is OPs knowledge of the people/families she is highlighting?

Such a sweeping statement and generalisation.

I did not drive in my country, my daughters grew on the field, helping with the vineyard and I have never heard of organised playdates like here. People are different

Also never heard the idea that people grow up well rounded because they had hobbies or clubs. People get well rounded by studying and reading tons of various literature, yes, alone, at home

What is your line of work? Surely the obvious is depression and anxiety stops parents getting their children out. Location can also be a factor, if someone doesn't drive, lives rurally and has a low income going out would be difficult. Children also often say they've done nothing when they have done a lot. My middle child always told me she did nothing at school. One of the children could be disabled and taking the family out could be extremely difficult.

I have a child with disabilities. There is so little out there we can access. He can't run, or crawl, or even sit unaided. He functions at a much, much younger age. There is nothing in the local parks he can access. The Changing Places at the local swimming pool is a) filthy, b) used as a storeroom and c) most of it is broken and unusable. He's registered blind so lots of 'child friendly' places are scary for him. He has dystonia and makes lots of random movements so people like to stare. He's tube fed so people like to stare when I am starting or stopping his feeds. He sometimes needs his airway suctioned so people like to stare. There are very few places I can change him when he needs personal care. Going out is a whole lot more challenging when you have a child in a heavy wheelchair and lots of equipment to lug around but most of all I am sick of people staring at him.

Why do they need a summer camp? I think it’s great that the kids are playing all day? They’re probably being a lot more creative and self sufficient as a result if it.

Most of the time these parents are leaving their kids on their own to go to work so they can least feed them and keep a roof over their heads. So actually you can say it's easier and you're right it because they cannot do the other things that some parents have time, money, access and knowledge to know how to do. I was one of those kids and saying to my parent leaving me at home would have done nothing because they were trying to survive as were we. We did study which helped us and did any house work we could. Maybe instead of judgement try empathy.

God the number of competitive middle class mums in this thread!!! Spending time at home and in the garden, and playing out, is actually a great childhood. Allowing kids to get bored is what makes them creative and imaginative.

Most people do it for the sake of the kids though, because they need to have different life experiences. They’re also harder work at home!

It can be these things yes......it can also be selfishness or laziness let's be honest.

But not every day, which I think is what the OP is referring to. Some people don’t take their children out at all. Time at home is important, but so is going out and having new experiences.

Omg that's awful, theme parks etc

I completely get children with disabilities or parents with mental or physical difficulties but let's be honest, outside of those reasons some parents are just lazy or mean. My DD friends mum is like that. Has gone on 3 foreign holidays this year with friends, took her kids for ONE night camping. Said she can't afford camps but bought a brand new car, botox and lip filler. Her kids bored out of their minds and it shows in their behaviour.

Depression can be helped by getting outdoors, moving, getting the endorphins going, a bit of exercise
anxiety and lack of confidence - same, graded exposure to going out, doing more

Could you be more fucking clueless.
Of course they can, but it doesn't make it easy or, for some, possible at times.
We aren't all as nourished inwardly by a warm fuzzy sense of our own superiority as you and OP are.

It's just very sad. It's not about expensive farm parks and days out. Its about letting children see something beyond their own bedroom and school. It contributes to learning experiences and hunger to see things.

So can you please give a list of 10 activity ideas that "contributes to learning experience" that don't require spending money?

For fairness, it would have to be negligible to the amount you would spend on a typical day at home. So the cost of food bought from a supermarket as packed lunches don't count. However anything that costs over £10 per person such as train tickets, bus tickets, entry fees, an ice cream etc would definitely count. You seem to be arguing for people to take their kids to see things that broaden their horizons but exactly those sort of novelty activities cost money. Eye-watering amounts of money even for high earning families.

Just spending time out of the house for the sake of it is not educational at all and can be very depressing in itself. If you can only afford to take your children to the same playground around the corner, it's not going to be broadening their horizons in any way. I once saw some mums who spent the entire day at the same playground...they had picnic mats, water bottles, food, some toys and were clearly staying for hours and hours. The kids looked grimy, grubby, tired and bored because they were forced to stay in one playground for the entire day. They were literally digging a hole in the ground out of boredom and then eating random sliced up food with bare, dirty fingers.

If you calculate a week then subtract 70 hrs of sleep, 30 hrs at school and 5 hrs of clubs then that leaves 61 hrs a week to get bored.

We also walk to the library, read together, cook together and go on plenty of days out and yet she still has time left over to watch TV, draw and colour, play out in the street and whatever other unstructured activities she feels like.

I have an autistic child so we’ve always been limited to her energy levels. For a long time she was burned out (out of school) and couldn’t cope with public spaces. Lots of these places are crowded, loud, hot in school holidays. So we spent most weekends at home, so her brother didn’t do much either.

I like pottering at home doing nothing. Today all I have done is some laundry and read a book. Dc have entertained themselves (they are teens now).

Jeez ….

go for a walk
feed the ducks with your old crusts
pick daisies
go round the charity shops - buy a jigsaw for a few pounds
play on the swings
play with a ball
take the kids waterbottles
take a packet or biscuits if they gonna need a power up
no you aren’t having an ice cream - money don’t grow on trees conversation
pond dipping - take an old school plastic bowl

why are people so full of the excuses ??

it ain’t about having money
it ain’t about making memories

it is just helping the kids feel OK / even positive about the world outside the home -

don’t set them up to be anxious / avoidant
just a bit of time outside the home is a good Thing and actually not beyond most people if they pull their finger out !

This exactly.

I have worked with families like these. There are barriers you are not seeing. I think the big problem now is that in the past these kids would have played out or amused themselves but now there is a lot of screen time. And it just isn’t great from a mental health/physical health point of view.

Also we took our kids away this summer for a month (we live overseas) that involved seeing extended family, beaches, rainforest, lake swimming, jetski-ing, many museums, more wildlife than you can shake a stick at, bookstores, trying new foods, exploring new cities... if you asked him what he did with the summer he'd probably still say "played games and chilled out" because that was his favourite part 😂

I dunno, but when I was younger my mum used to take us here there and everywhere, at the weekends/half term, when all I wanted to do was stay at home and build a den....used to love the summer holidays when she gave up and let us just be at home most days.

My daughter loves being at home, also. The house is filled with toys and it means we can eat nicer home cooked food and not be stressing about eating soggy sandwiches or paying overpriced food in museum cafes etc.

PLUS people are so miserable out there. It can be depressing going out and seeing so many stressed out parents, grumpy people on public transport, people shouting at their kids, letting their kids run riot. Sometimes it's just nicer to stay at home for a week.

If we lived in a warm society where people were friendly, sociable with strangers, etc, we'd be in the local park all the time.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

You really cant imagine why this is sometimes the case?

Plenty of reasons, sadly. Lots have been covered in this thread, sure some parents are simply lazy and cant be bothered, the majority whereby children spend an inordinate amount of time at home theres a reason.