Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

If you read the state school Vs private school threads... The state schools that are pretty much on a par with local private schools are the ones that have a majority of parents that DO stuff with their kids. The state schools in deprived areas, generally, not so much is done that educates, inspires and motivates children. It's really sad.
Sitting in watching telly is not doing kids any good, day in day out. Of course down time is needed, but TVs/screens are not.
(Obviously not including ND kids before I get jumped on. Although I'm fairly sure a long daily dose of fresh air and exercise would also be great for them.)

Hence why I've never said everyone should do 5. There's no reason why most families in this area can't afford at least one hobby or activity for their kids. Half of them we walk to!

Ok, life can be shit -
its easier to sit in with the Kids on screens whatever.
I know what it’s like to be in poverty, live rural, mental illness and deprivation all around,
but let’s face it, days stuck indoors on screens are not the answer and is not OK
and part of providing that support is to say it’s not OK

Ignore my random formatting, was using this - but some ended up as dots!

Not everyone has free museums or parks on their doorsteps. Not everyone can drive or afford bus fares every day to take their kids out.

Dd is 13 and doesn't want to do many clubs. She's done a week in music class and we've booked holidays for a couple of weeks but dh and I work full time so apart from that she needs to sort herself out. She's welcome to hang out with friends or just chill but work don't pay me to entertain her.

I have a 5, 4 and almost 2 year old. Im pregnant with number 4. We don't go out every day but I try to atleast get out every other day, even if its to the park on the week days. Is that good enough? 😅

Exactly this 👏

@MrsSunshine2bwith respect, you are coming from a very privileged position in that case. I am a single mum on a good salary and I can only afford for DD to do one activity a week. I am stretching myself to up it to two in September, but will have to cut back somewhere else to afford it. For some families, activities like you describe would simply be unaffordable .

It’s not free though is it. Gotta feed and water them. Then there’s ice creams or whatever. Fuel, parking prices.

This makes me really sad. The holidays are long but theres no excuse not to do something at least one day a week, even if its just the park, shopping centre, cinema. When we were young we might get a day trip here and there. The rest of the time we were out with friends playing until dusk.. I feel my childhood was idyllic really compared to now where kids only see their friends online.
It makes me realise how lucky my kids are . I felt bad that we won't have a holiday this year. But we've been on a good few day trips, trampoline parks , swimming, soft play. Plus lots of treats and new bits and pieces to keep them busy.

Once you've said "no" properly it becomes very easy and the kids accept it. Talking as a parent of very nice, easy going, undemanding teens, who ask knowing that they may or may not get.

My child has spent multiple weeks abroad, been to space camp, and attended a leadership program this summer. If you asked her what she did this summer she would say she played on her phone. this is how it goes every single summer and is incredibly frustrating. It doesn’t matter what amazing experiences she has, she reports sitting around.

Despite providing plenty of experiences, I still feel constant guilt about not providing more. I’m disabled and that limits what I can do. Sometimes i manage to take her to things myself, but I often pay for her to attend programs that provide opportunities I simply can’t. I spend more than some people make in a year giving her opportunities.

yet she reports sitting around and playing on her phone. It’s what kids say. It means nothing. I’m not going to stop helping her see the world. People need to take children’s reports with a very large grain of salt.

My sis in law is like this. The kids have loads of enriching activities such as music lessons, language lessons, swimming lessons, musical theatre etc etc but she would baulk at the thought of taking them somewhere like a farm park or pumpkin picking and they mostly spend their weekends sitting in. I could not do that. The kids never get to go to a playpark etc. Maybe too working class for her 😅

In my view it's pretty much that simple.

Yes you have to get there. I get the tube but from where I live you can also get the bus, takes a bit longer but kids are free either way so it's one adult fare.

It can be helpful to book for some museums at peak time but the websites and/or TripAdvisor will tell you if that's necessary.

There are some paid bits eg specific exhibitions and the amazing Wonderland at the Science Museum, but most of it is free.

Yes, there are cafes and gift shops but every museum has an area where you can eat your own food. I can afford the museum cafes but it adds up so I often bring our own sandwiches anyway. Gift shops, say no.

I do understand that it could be intimidating and not everyone has the above info, but it's all available with a quick Google or a look on TripAdvisor or many other places online.

There are also multiple free playgrounds in London (eg Corams Fields), and fre cultural activities at places like the Southbank Centre. National Gallery, Tate etc run free kids activities over half term and holidays.

London is basically a paradise of free stuff for kids and I know some families have particular issues to deal with but I find it hard not to judge if they don't take advantage of any of it, ever.

Ok, but how do you know these people exist??? Most people use their gardens and do prefer just family time. Some just let them outside with other street kids, we live in a very safe cul de sac and the grandkids play together with everyone on the street.

If you are regularly working with families, then you will know why many children are stuck at home, day after day during the break?

I work in a school ( SEN) When new term begins, we like to ask the children to share something nice/ positive of their summer break. Lots of children go away on holiday. visit relatives, see friends, go out for the day with their parents etc. But some poor souls don’t leave their bedroom, under the
“ chilling” activity. Lack of money, not being able to drive, MH issues, alcohol and substance misuse, DV, too many children and so it goes on. They are the ones who LOVE school, don’t want to leave at the end, hate school holidays and cherish each and every school trip, residential, college visit and positive experience we can offer them.

I personally think subjecting a child to that many activities is less responsible than allowing them to enjoy relaxed time at home with family. In my childhood we did hardly any clubs but we did spend a lot of time together and also outdoors. Unstructured time - and boredom - is actually really important for child development

Last summer my son was in a club for 2 weeks, we went to Turkey, we went to Devon and we did some days out.
You can imagine my shock when someone asked him about his summer and he said he chilled out.

Couple of neighbours like that near me, kids play outside from mid morning til about 11pm at night. Every day same routine. I cant understand it. The kids never do a summer camp even a free one that is offered through the school.

Are you sure the boy who said this isn't misremembering? When my DM asked the kids what they'd been up to they all said pretty much the same as the boy, despite the fact we'd been to the cinema, shopping in town, gone to the park a few times and soft play that week! They had all been to a tennis camp for 3 days the previous week which also didn't factor into what they mentioned.

@comedycentral like the username

See - I find what you have described far too much!
But I agree with your general point.

It must be depression for most who do this - as in my experience it’s much easier getting the kids out of the house. Nothing worse than being inside all day! When inside structure is more difficult and behaviour becomes more difficult. Everything is easier and more enjoyable outside.

I think due to technology eg iPad, YouTube etc more and more parents can sedate their children with iPads/tech all day. They can then stare at their phone and the day just flies by. Sad.

It must be depression for most who do this - as in my experience it’s much easier getting the kids out of the house. Nothing worse than being inside all day! When inside structure is more difficult and behaviour becomes more difficult. Everything is easier and more enjoyable outside.

I think due to technology eg iPad, YouTube etc more and more parents can sedate their children with iPads/tech all day. They can then stare at their phone and the day just flies by. Sad.