Page 5 | Families that don't do anything with children

Countryspaniel · 2025-08-09T18:31:13+00:00

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children. Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things. There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc. I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 09/08/2025 20:35

Welikebeingcosy · 09/08/2025 20:34

I dunno, but when I was younger my mum used to take us here there and everywhere, at the weekends/half term, when all I wanted to do was stay at home and build a den....used to love the summer holidays when she gave up and let us just be at home most days.

My daughter loves being at home, also. The house is filled with toys and it means we can eat nicer home cooked food and not be stressing about eating soggy sandwiches or paying overpriced food in museum cafes etc.

PLUS people are so miserable out there. It can be depressing going out and seeing so many stressed out parents, grumpy people on public transport, people shouting at their kids, letting their kids run riot. Sometimes it's just nicer to stay at home for a week.

If we lived in a warm society where people were friendly, sociable with strangers, etc, we'd be in the local park all the time.

Isn’t there a balance to be had though? If kids are never taken out, how are they going to be able to have a life outside of the home as adults? Jobs, hobbies, social lives?

Lauren83 · 09/08/2025 20:36

Gloriousgoard · 09/08/2025 19:34

Maybe depression? Maybe poverty? Maybe anxiety? Maybe a lack of imagination? Maybe a lack of confidence? Maybe a fear that they can’t handle their child’s behaviour in public? Maybe a paucity of experience inter generationally?
you do you boo but don’t judge others.

As above, I have 2 ND kids and it’s not as easy as getting them out and about

27TimesAway · 09/08/2025 20:36

One of mine (15 and with SEN) reported to me that after the Easter holidays he was asked what he did by a teacher and he said 'nothing. Stayed at home'. Actually we had been to Munich for 5 days. I was a bit annoyed. His reasoning is that what he does in his own time is private and school does not need to know. He's not yet got to grips with the concept of small talk.

Next week we are going to Australia. I expect he will say 'nothing' again if he is asked.

Anyway- my slightly wider point is that just because you don't personally witness something happening inside another family does not mean it does not happen. I well recall one of our neighbours coming to us in great distress and saying she couldn't not say anything any longer... she was SO upset we 'never walked' our dogs. True we never walked them up and down our street outside her window. DH (retired) took them in the car when dropping off the DCs at school and then took them to the beach every morning for an hour and again every afternoon. But because our neighbour personally did not witness that she decided it did not happen.

And as others have said- it is definitely true that 'days out' in the UK tend to be very expensive. We recently spent nearly £80 for the 4 of us to visit a really shit local attraction. And that was just the entry fee. I'm not rushing to do that again. For me it was an irritation. Many families- particularly with the COL simply could not even think of sinking such a huge amount on what was a really crap experience.

mumtoadhdadult · 09/08/2025 20:36

Whereas I find it weird that some people insist on going out every single day. Children need to
learn to entertain themselves which they can’t do if they are being taken off to do things every day.

let them chill and just have a day without doing stuff.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 09/08/2025 20:37

mumtoadhdadult · 09/08/2025 20:36

Whereas I find it weird that some people insist on going out every single day. Children need to
learn to entertain themselves which they can’t do if they are being taken off to do things every day.

let them chill and just have a day without doing stuff.

Again, there’s a balance to be had, I don’t think anyone is saying that kids need to be taken out every minute of every day.

Changingplace · 09/08/2025 20:37

Bathingforest · 09/08/2025 20:27

I did not drive in my country, my daughters grew on the field, helping with the vineyard and I have never heard of organised playdates like here. People are different

Also never heard the idea that people grow up well rounded because they had hobbies or clubs. People get well rounded by studying and reading tons of various literature, yes, alone, at home

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People get well rounded by experiences, yes that can be reading a book but also from going to a museum, a gallery, a walk in the park or the countryside to learn about nature… (all things that don’t have to cost a fortune).

Sprogonthetyne · 09/08/2025 20:37

MummaMummaMumma · 09/08/2025 19:44

I agree. We've barely been at home so far. And that's not because we are spending loads of money.
When my kids have their friends over nearly every single one of them have not done much at all "watched TV/played on phone/chilled" all said the holidays are not much fun. Many of their parents are not working! Very sad.

In fairness if you asked my DC's what they had done, they would tell you one recent thing that happen to come to mind. They are far more like to remember the hour of TV between breakfast and coming on the play date then the park trip yesterday or the 5 other outing we've done that week.

PolyVagalNerve · 09/08/2025 20:37

Jorgua · 09/08/2025 20:31

Depression can be helped by getting outdoors, moving, getting the endorphins going, a bit of exercise
anxiety and lack of confidence - same, graded exposure to going out, doing more

Could you be more fucking clueless.
Of course they can, but it doesn't make it easy or, for some, possible at times.
We aren't all as nourished inwardly by a warm fuzzy sense of our own superiority as you and OP are.

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Clueless ???

read up on treatment for anxiety and depression !!!

it is NOT stay home, do fuck all and wallow !!

labradormam · 09/08/2025 20:37

Jesswebster01 · 09/08/2025 19:34

I have friends like this some people just don't mind sitting in the house all day and I find the kids eventually expect that and become like that

I’m a real home bird. I love staying at home.

But I find it unbearable with kids so we are always out.

Agree that for the families who don’t do anything probably poverty, depression etc.

BrendaSmall · 09/08/2025 20:37

We live a 10 minute bus ride away from local beaches, my neighbours boys were 15 before they even went to the beach and it was a social worker that took them!
The boys are now adults now but she’s also got other children, the youngest are coming up 18 and they have never been to the beach, they have left school now and don’t work nor have any friends 😢
have all thrived in school as it was their only enjoyment and they all used to look forward to going to get out of the house.

arcticpandas · 09/08/2025 20:37

Wiltingasparagusfern · 09/08/2025 20:24

I personally think subjecting a child to that many activities is less responsible than allowing them to enjoy relaxed time at home with family. In my childhood we did hardly any clubs but we did spend a lot of time together and also outdoors. Unstructured time - and boredom - is actually really important for child development

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I second this. As do most child psychiatrists.

Wiltingasparagusfern · 09/08/2025 20:37

MrsSunshine2b · 09/08/2025 20:32

If you calculate a week then subtract 70 hrs of sleep, 30 hrs at school and 5 hrs of clubs then that leaves 61 hrs a week to get bored.

We also walk to the library, read together, cook together and go on plenty of days out and yet she still has time left over to watch TV, draw and colour, play out in the street and whatever other unstructured activities she feels like.

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It still sounds like a lot, sorry. It’s a modern phenomenon and you’re probably doing what everyone else around you is doing but it doesn’t sit right with me. I think there’s a reason people are looking at past parenting styles a bit wistfully at the moment - it’s because kids didn’t have packed schedules, and had a lot more freedom and free play. I say this as a middle class child of the 90s who tried piano, karate, drama club, dance, swimming club, brownies etc, but it was only ever about one evening a week and I’m glad for that.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 09/08/2025 20:39

Wiltingasparagusfern · 09/08/2025 20:37

It still sounds like a lot, sorry. It’s a modern phenomenon and you’re probably doing what everyone else around you is doing but it doesn’t sit right with me. I think there’s a reason people are looking at past parenting styles a bit wistfully at the moment - it’s because kids didn’t have packed schedules, and had a lot more freedom and free play. I say this as a middle class child of the 90s who tried piano, karate, drama club, dance, swimming club, brownies etc, but it was only ever about one evening a week and I’m glad for that.

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What sounds like a lot? 5 hours of clubs?

Zanatdy · 09/08/2025 20:39

I think there needs to be some balance, but kids don’t need to be taken out every day.

Wiltingasparagusfern · 09/08/2025 20:39

arcticpandas · 09/08/2025 20:37

I second this. As do most child psychiatrists.

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Yes true it’s pretty well evidenced. Ultimately what most kids want is to spend time with their families or their friends. That’s the vast majority of what my 90s childhood involved and I know others are similar and look back fondly

Ashley911 · 09/08/2025 20:39

Well reading all this I am glad I don't have young kids to entertain ! I would be knackered

As well, smokers and people with vitamin deficiencies have a lot less energy than normal speaking from experience

kiraric · 09/08/2025 20:39

Something I have noticed on here is just how varied people are in terms of how active they are

We are a "busy" family, I guess. Both of us work senior professional jobs, we both then also volunteer, socialise, we don't feel especially tired or rushed. Our kids - nature or nurture, it's hard to tell - are similar, they do breakfast and after school club most days, they do 3 activities or so, they might spend maybe 3-4 days chilling at home during the summer holidays, the rest of the time we are always doing something, even if it's just a walk to the library on our road. That just feels natural and normal to us.

But some posters on here seem to need a lot of downtime and "chilling" time - I guess some kids are the same way too?

SomeOfTheTrouble · 09/08/2025 20:40

Ashley911 · 09/08/2025 20:39

Well reading all this I am glad I don't have young kids to entertain ! I would be knackered

As well, smokers and people with vitamin deficiencies have a lot less energy than normal speaking from experience

Probably best to quit smoking then I guess.

Myfansbroken · 09/08/2025 20:40

I guess everyone's different. I know a family where they don't go for walks, to the park or bike ride or swim. But they go out to theme parks and eat out a fair bit. They don't go on holiday even though they could easily afford it. I think it's how the parents were brought up themselves.

EchoedSilence · 09/08/2025 20:40

PolyVagalNerve · 09/08/2025 20:33

Jeez ….

go for a walk
feed the ducks with your old crusts
pick daisies
go round the charity shops - buy a jigsaw for a few pounds
play on the swings
play with a ball
take the kids waterbottles
take a packet or biscuits if they gonna need a power up
no you aren’t having an ice cream - money don’t grow on trees conversation
pond dipping - take an old school plastic bowl

why are people so full of the excuses ??

it ain’t about having money
it ain’t about making memories

it is just helping the kids feel OK / even positive about the world outside the home -

don’t set them up to be anxious / avoidant
just a bit of time outside the home is a good Thing and actually not beyond most people if they pull their finger out !

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If you say so.

Changingplace · 09/08/2025 20:40

And as others have said- it is definitely true that 'days out' in the UK tend to be very expensive. We recently spent nearly £80 for the 4 of us to visit a really shit local attraction. And that was just the entry fee. I'm not rushing to do that again. For me it was an irritation. Many families- particularly with the COL simply could not even think of sinking such a huge amount on what was a really crap experience.

A day out doesn’t have to be an expensive attraction though, today we took a cheap picnic to a country park, free entry, free parking, picnic cost about £15 max.

Wiltingasparagusfern · 09/08/2025 20:40

SomeOfTheTrouble · 09/08/2025 20:39

What sounds like a lot? 5 hours of clubs?

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Yeah. It’s a lot. My niece had a similar routine and she now has anxiety as a teen. It’s not just because of that but I don’t think it’s helped tbh.

Bathingforest · 09/08/2025 20:41

MrsSunshine2b · 09/08/2025 19:56

I'm not saying everyone should do 5 clubs a week. She as a very active kid who asks to do these things and a lot of them her school friends do so she wants to do them as well. Which one do you think she should drop?

Musical theatre which she absolutely loves and has grown her confidence massively?
Rainbows which she's excited for all week, I volunteer at and we go to together?
Yoga after school so she can watch most of her class go without her?
Swimming, so she doesn't drown immediately if she ever ends up in water?
Or dance which she's been asking to join all year but I told her to wait until Y1 because she already had a lot on?

She has plenty of downtime, 5 hours of activities she enjoys every week + 30 hrs at school isn't even the hours of a FT job.

There's a big difference between saying every Reception kid should be in multiple clubs and activities and children who throughout primary school never go to anything. Rainbows is at the nearest school which is a 5 minute walk from our house and costs £30 a term. We don't live an impoverished area.

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you sound like hard work, Mrs

Welikebeingcosy · 09/08/2025 20:41

SomeOfTheTrouble · 09/08/2025 20:35

Isn’t there a balance to be had though? If kids are never taken out, how are they going to be able to have a life outside of the home as adults? Jobs, hobbies, social lives?

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I just presumed OP was talking about the summer holidays... Term time is very busy for most children, so some people see holidays as down time. Even the ones who don't get taken out will have been socialising every day at school and probably been to the park on the way home.

Ashley911 · 09/08/2025 20:41

SomeOfTheTrouble · 09/08/2025 20:40

Probably best to quit smoking then I guess.

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I have done that, but it was a very difficult thing and took ages to really do it long term