Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

It depends. My kids needed quite a lot of downtime, and their best holidays when they were small were always ones where they had the chance to get bored and learn how to make their own fun interspersed with occasional activities, playdates etc. Too much "fun" overstimulated them and made them really cranky and upset.

Yep - check the websites for which ones a free, and what facilities they have. For example...the Natural History Museum (NHM) is definitely free - you have to walk through a roped area by security and there are machines there for card donations of a "suggested" amount, but they are genuinely ok with people not paying. Their special temporary exhibitions do often charge, though. They have an indoor picnic area, and multiple cafes with the menus on-line so you can check them out in advance. In the Summer we've also taken a packed lunch and eaten it in the nearest bit of Hyde Park, which is about half a mile.

My kids had plenty of what you consider ‘normal’ days out - farms, museums, national trust, outdoor nature trails etc the lot. It was a boring ol’ ball ache for me, but I did it because I felt the peer pressure from judgey pant parents like you.

To this day I would swear on a Bible that my kids were far happier and stimulated at home - arts and crafts, imaginative play, paddling pools, dressing up, books, films, cooking, time with grandparents etc. That’s what they talk about as adults as their ‘idyllic childhood’ - not the museums which they tell me were boring and they hated feeling car sick!

I know a family like this. Their DDs are 14 and 11 They didn't do any clubs/activities (not even swimming lessons). They never accepted invitations to the cinema etc, although would meet up in the park. She says the kids just like getting into their PJs after school and relaxing. It's not a money issue. There are no mental health or SEN issues. I think it's maybe just a cultural thing (they are W European but not from UK).

Mine do about that and would be genuinely gutted if I asked them to quit any! They love their clubs, have chosen what they want to do, can quit at any time if they want to, but they don’t want to.

Well said.
I’m going through brutal chemo. My kids are young adults now. But, if I was going though this ten years ago, OP would really wind me up!

Hope your recovery is going well 🌷🌻

I’m seriously jealous of amazed there are people in this world who find it easier staying at home all day with their kids. I have 2 boys aged 2.5 and 5. They need outdoor exercise everyday or they are unmanageable. Some days I just wish I could stay in my pyjamas. But I know I would seriously regret it by 1pm as the afternoon would be torture!

She’s in reception!!!! Reception!!!!

We were a stay at home family.. I hate tearing around filling time, I love PJ days where the kids can build Lego and get bored.

See how it pans out long term.

you would judge them but would you give a helping hand, without gossiping about them? Would you open your home to them, would you drive their kids to places? - NO, so why then you judge.

I like to be out the house BUT it's expensive! I know you can bring picnics and drinks but I find myself spending money anyway. I'm on mat leave so trying go not spend too much. Also I find it exhausting doing lots of day trips with little ones (just turned 4 and baby). We have done some this summer but I'm keeping it low key.

Playdates at people's houses or local park hangs are easier sometimes. I think it's a shame there is less of this and more focus on big days out. It's just a lot of money and pressure. Also hot and busy! I'd rather do legoland on a random inset day in March tbh.

I think parents who put their kids in loads of clubs and activities sometimes also don't want to parent that much tbh! Yes it's probably better than being on screens all day but kids need downtime at home just playing.

I grew up poor, properly poor, with a
mother who worked her arse off for minimum wage and an alcoholic father. So no we didn’t go out and have adventures. My weekly treat was going with mum to the supermarket.

Those saying don’t judge people, why not? We should bring some judgement back, in quite a few areas. Kindness has gone too far and too much of it doesn’t do anybody any favours. The children in these families are being let down.

Oh and we lived rurally. Getting into town cost money (petrol, parking) we didn’t have. OP you sound like you live in a privileged bubble.

Yeah it's a real shame for the children

Well they can come over and tell my daughter which 4 of her 5 hobbies she has to quit. I'm sure she'll enjoy watching me go off to volunteer at Rainbows every week without her. Maybe we can still go to the performances for her musical theatre class so she can watch the other kids on stage and remember how bad it is for them. Or she can wave goodbye to the rest of her class at 3:15 as they all head to yoga and she goes home. Hopefully she never ends up near or in water if she doesn't learn to swim. Or maybe children are different and some thrive on activity and some need more relaxation and a good parent follows their child's lead within reason.

She'd happily do 10 clubs a week but that's silly and no child needs 10 hrs of clubs a week.

In the same way, no child should be spending 7 days a week going nowhere but school and home.

Well my eldest is well into her teens and still happy and still doing the activities she chooses, but ill wait for the moment that allowing them to do the clubs they want to do comes back to bite me on the arse.

I don't drive but I live in a place where there's loads to do for free in the immediate area and a city centre is a 20 minute bus ride. We've done something pretty much everyday. But, if I lived on a crap estate somewhere and didn't drive, I'm not sure what we'd be doing?

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE DUCKS WITH YOUR OLD CRUSTS.

https://canalrivertrust.org.uk/things-to-do/canal-and-river-wildlife/keeping-our-ducks-healthy/why-is-bread-bad-for-ducks

yep.

It’s like judgemental central on Mumsnet today. I guess is just don’t see it as inconceivable that other people may be perfectly happy being in their own environment? Is it hard to get that people you may know may do things outside of their home environment and not share it all over social media or WhatsApp groups?

I have 3 ND children and we do activities occasionally, but they get very overwhelmed and so we spend a lot of time at home. They have garden space and a big 3m above ground pool that I keep up and treat from spring to end of summer. They have games, toys, puzzles, craft stuff, we bake, they read. They’re perfectly happy being in their own space. I don’t get why some people think they have to be out every single minute of every single day filling it with activities, like they’re afraid to have downtime or something 🤷🏻‍♀️ but I’d never start a thread asking why because as long as each family unit is happy and the children are safe, then it’s no one’s business but theirs.

That’s not what the op meant.

A huge number of families in the UK are living in poverty. You might not notice even if you know them

Think of how expensive every single thing is . In my town the bus alone...which you would need to use ...is 2 pound each way. I have been taking kids out not just mine but others and so much pressure from the ice cream van...they get hungry. Its not as simple as oh just say no. Its obviously exhausting being poor and counting every penny and the local leisure centre costs money..everything costs.

A 10 or 11 or 12 year old wont be occupied long if they go to a free park trip daily will they ? Especially if parents are tired and stressed and struggling to make it fun

We have an ok income and I find the financial pressure of the holiday and all the exrea meals outings etc b stressful

Do people realise there are children who won't even have enough food without their school meals..?

go for a walk
This is doable for maybe 1-2 hours max with small children. If you live in very rural or urban areas, could be more dangerous and stressful than being at home.

feed the ducks with your old crusts
It's well known that bread is terrible for wild birds. Fresh veggies and corn are the best for ducks

pick daisies
How long would that entertain a child and adult? If you stretched it to a daisy chain, it would kill 30mins out of the entire day.

go round the charity shops - buy a jigsaw for a few pounds
Fair enough but a few pounds still add up

play on the swings
Just like picking daisies, how long would that genuinely entertain a child and adult? A session of swinging is probably 10mins?

play with a ball
Same as above.

take the kids waterbottles
This is not a suggestion for something to do. It's just obvious advice for a day out

take a packet or biscuits if they gonna need a power up
This is also not a suggestion for something to do.

no you aren’t having an ice cream - money don’t grow on trees conversation
Also not a suggestion for something to do

pond dipping - take an old school plastic bowl
This assumes you live near bodies of water that are sanitary enough to dip a bowl inside and inspect the contents.

Out of 10 suggestions, 3 weren't actually activities. 4 suggestions would only realistically keep a child entertained for 10-20mins. That's 10mins out of a day of 12+ hours. What do you do for the rest?