Page 32 | Families that don't do anything with children

Countryspaniel · 2025-08-09T18:31:13+00:00

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children. Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things. There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc. I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

OverheardInLidl · 13/08/2025 10:22

AleaEim · 13/08/2025 10:15

Oh come off it, I was replying to the PP who was using being tired and in her thirties as an excuse not to take children out if she had them. She didn’t say anything about children being SEN or having financial trouble and either did the OP, these would be obvious reasons.

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My point is that people look at things on the surface and assume none of these factors come into play. And no, SEN is not always "obvious" at first glance. Like I said to another poster, they don't wear a big flashing sign saying "Hello I'm SEN" 🙄

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 13/08/2025 10:34

OverheardInLidl · 13/08/2025 10:22

My point is that people look at things on the surface and assume none of these factors come into play. And no, SEN is not always "obvious" at first glance. Like I said to another poster, they don't wear a big flashing sign saying "Hello I'm SEN" 🙄

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My second definitely has some SEN and he often doesn't want to go anywhere. Husband took him to the park with his siblings and he only wanted to sit in the car!

RubySquid · 13/08/2025 12:13

WasThatACorner · 12/08/2025 15:56

Maybe take the kids saying they've done nothing with a grain of salt. My youngest once did a piece of writing after summer hols about his summer, the best thing was laying on his bed. All of the things that he did that tired him out and made him want to lay on his bed seemingly didn't register. Ah well.

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Yeah my eldest did nothing at school, nothing on guide camp, nothing on the isle of Wight with grandma.

AleaEim · 13/08/2025 13:27

OverheardInLidl · 13/08/2025 10:22

My point is that people look at things on the surface and assume none of these factors come into play. And no, SEN is not always "obvious" at first glance. Like I said to another poster, they don't wear a big flashing sign saying "Hello I'm SEN" 🙄

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Never said they did but the OP works with these families, I’d be surprised if she didn’it know whether they had severe limitations that prevents them from going outside, they hardly all have a secret SEN diagnosis.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 13/08/2025 13:35

AleaEim · 13/08/2025 13:27

Never said they did but the OP works with these families, I’d be surprised if she didn’it know whether they had severe limitations that prevents them from going outside, they hardly all have a secret SEN diagnosis.

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I mean.. OP also knows about poverty but doesn’t consider it a good enough reason. Knowing and understanding are completely different things. I bet the same applies to SEN.

Lavenderflower · 13/08/2025 13:52

I believe this thread illustrates that you don't always need to spend a lot of money to enjoy life. Often, it's the simplest things that bring people joy, as evidenced here. For instance, one person mentioned their enjoyment of fish and chips. Many years ago, someone advised me that creating memories with your children is far more important than spending money. This resonates with me because I hardly remember most of the gifts I've received, but I do cherish the memorable events and activities I've shared with my family.

Kirbert2 · 13/08/2025 16:18

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 13/08/2025 13:35

I mean.. OP also knows about poverty but doesn’t consider it a good enough reason. Knowing and understanding are completely different things. I bet the same applies to SEN.

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Yep. Absolutely.

Actually living it is different.

OverheardInLidl · 13/08/2025 19:03

AleaEim · 13/08/2025 13:27

Never said they did but the OP works with these families, I’d be surprised if she didn’it know whether they had severe limitations that prevents them from going outside, they hardly all have a secret SEN diagnosis.

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You say "secret SEN diagnosis" but do you have any idea how many SEN children are undiagnosed due to waiting lists being 5 years long or more in many areas? So OP may not necessarily know which child has SEN or not because there's no formal diagnosis. Sometimes parents don't even know what's going on with their child. Things aren't always as cut and dried as we'd like to think.

schoolstruggle · 13/08/2025 20:25

OverheardInLidl · 13/08/2025 19:03

You say "secret SEN diagnosis" but do you have any idea how many SEN children are undiagnosed due to waiting lists being 5 years long or more in many areas? So OP may not necessarily know which child has SEN or not because there's no formal diagnosis. Sometimes parents don't even know what's going on with their child. Things aren't always as cut and dried as we'd like to think.

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Yep agree! I have a 14 nearly 15 year old with “secret” sen. ADHD was brought up by CAHMS in May 2024. Forms were sent to both myself and school to complete at that time. Just this week I’ve had a phone call from cahms and they’ve told me he’s on the waiting list for counselling then after that they will decide if they put him on the waiting list for adhd assessment!!

My other child has been on the adhd waiting list since 2021 and no sign of an appointment.

seasid · 13/08/2025 20:54

I’m physically disabled and a single parent to an autistic son. Getting out the house means I’m struggling and he’s also struggling as he has high care needs and often has meltdowns after being out for a short period of time. We dont have a good support network and due to me not being able to work with my health and being a cater for him, we dont have the money to go out and about.

I hate when people judge. My mum has my younger brother who’s a teenager and she hasn’t done much with him since he was about 7 as refuses to. You do realise a lot of young kids refuse to go out, they’d rather be at home. I was one of those kids, I was happy to sit at home reading rather than go out and do activities.

seasid · 13/08/2025 20:57

schoolstruggle · 13/08/2025 20:25

Yep agree! I have a 14 nearly 15 year old with “secret” sen. ADHD was brought up by CAHMS in May 2024. Forms were sent to both myself and school to complete at that time. Just this week I’ve had a phone call from cahms and they’ve told me he’s on the waiting list for counselling then after that they will decide if they put him on the waiting list for adhd assessment!!

My other child has been on the adhd waiting list since 2021 and no sign of an appointment.

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This here. My 6 year old has been waiting on the list to be diagnosed since he was 2. He has seen the doctors who have said that he does have both adhd and autism (it’s pretty obvious) it but the official waiting list in my area is YEARS. he has an ehcp, dla, only in part time school. He’s physically violent due to his very high needs yet can’t get the support or diagnosis due to the backlog

it makes me so sad how many children are suffering and waiting their entire childhoods for support due to the lack of resources and backlog on the system

TheGander · 14/08/2025 16:07

@seasid that is so tough. No one in their right mind would judge you for not doing daily outings . It’s not one size fits all.

chaosmaker · 15/08/2025 16:42

I'm glad I was a 70's child though. No micromanaging parents and allowed to go out and play with other children. Much healthier in a lot of ways including navigating the bullies.
Helicopter parenting is detrimental and children need to learn how to deal with boredom etc without having a meltdown (not talking about ND/SEN here obvs)

VCO · 18/08/2025 19:08

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/08/2025 07:22

I hear this attitude trotted out a lot about the importance of being "bored" and it really winds me up: I'm afraid I think mainly its self-justifying nonsense from people looking to excuse their own laziness.

People always bang on about kids playing out, damming streams, making dens and all this but they are not doing this, for the most part. They are on devices. "Learning to be creative" would require, in practice, a 24/7 screen ban which could only be enforced by a SAHP or the total removal of device, leading to a revolt.

I completely get that parents can't supervise their kids for six weeks during the summer and that a lot of activities are prohibitively expensive. Not all kids need to be helicoptered throughout the whole summer holiday. But let's be honest about this. The kid who is left to be "bored" isn't turning himself into the next Picasso or Mary Berry. He or she is playing on Roblox (if you're lucky).

There's a happy medium here. Back to back scheduling from here to kingdom come takes away most of a kid's resources and isn't ideal or affordable. But equally, leaving them to fester on the iPad for six weeks isn't turning them into a creative genius.

I'd rather my kid be over-scheduled than left to rot in their bedroom while I tell myself he or she is learning through "creative play".

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Well... I didn't say that being bored means sticking the child alone in a room and let her roam around. On these days I have the chance to engage in playtime with her in any game, play role she wants. I don't think she will be a Picasso but I am pretty sure she loves the one to One time in something she decides to do. Also is a good chance to read and pick up some exercises school related to fresh up her memory.