Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

I agree when I was having seizures alot I still took daughter out but on grassy areas close to home (she was 9 so knew what to do ) etc or asked my mum to come along to places I knew I couldn't handle luckily 5 year seizure free and now driving just been on holiday and went on the largest roller coaster in Europe it felt so good lol 😆

It doesn’t matter whether you live in a city, small town or rurally, the message should still be the same - children need to be out for fresh air and activity.
If you don’t have money, children should still go out for fresh air and exercise. Use your imagination as it’s not fair on the children. It’s fine if it’s not everyday but there shouldn’t be any reason that children are never out, except for health reason where it’s genuinely difficult. But even then, children would benefit but understandable if there are issues.

Countryspaniel I think many families now simply dont have spare cash to spend.Even a trip to the park includes drinks and an ice lolly .Often if you live in a high rise flat and the lifts are out you are trapped (.Recent news articles) I always took my DC out when small .And my DS loved after school clubs too.All families are different .Its not ideal but as long as they are fed and clothed thats the main thing .Families in London (and other big cities ) struggle in Summer hols and there is a charity set up to help with food projects.Hunger is a major problem for many even in 2025!

Some people are happy to chill out at home a lot. Chit chat, play board games, read etc

If being at home is so boring for your children perhaps you should work on accepting that different people live differently and look at the activities you have available for your child at home rather than preaching about how wonderful your outings are and how terrible parents who don't do them all the time are.

Mine like being out but they both also find it overwhelming and prefer to spend well over halt their days in, doing less hectic activities at home. We do plenty but if you asked either of them what we did they'd probably shrug and say "dunno" or "nothing" with no mention of the crafting, baking, collecting, investigating, discussions about nature and life cycles in the garden etc. I get similar replies if I ask anything about school where I'm fairly sure they're doing useful things based on what I see on the school app and in their workbooks and book bags. While we were on a lovely holiday recently at the seaside with days out at all the things you're "meant" to enjoy with kids, one of mine started struggling a week in and said they wished they were at home. Your schedule of experience expansion would not work for us.

Interestingly I walk another kid in my son's class home one day a week and we were chatting as we all walked. He does an activity almost every day after school and asked why mine doesn't do that. He said "we always go out so we don't watch too much TV". We barely ever turn ours on in the week, because when mine are tired turning it off sets us on the path to a meltdown so better avoided.

I guess some of those in this thread are like that and can't stay at home a lot because the default entertainment there is a screen rather than fun or imagination. Contain your outraged splutters scheduled daily activitiers and daytrippers, I was just giving you a taste of the judgy assumptions in reverse. Annoying, inaccurate and upsetting, isn't it?

I take my kids out every day without fail, and very often it’s to “day out” type stuff. I know how fortunate I am that we live in central London (for stuff to do) and that we have the means to allow me to do this. I also know that the primary reason I take them is for ME - I enjoy the places we go (or I enjoy watching their sheer joy, at eg. Soft play or other super loud abrasive places), and I also cannot handle the fact that if they are at home then by mid-morning they are literally bouncing off the walls and screaming. It’s really hard to control them or keep them calm. Is this normal?! I mean, clearly some other people’s kids are different and that’s fine. But should I be worried about mine?!

Probably not. It’s probably a mix of nature and nurture. They’re naturally active/bouncy kids so you go out to keep them busy, so they’re used to being out (almost a pavlovian response) and not really sure what do to or how to do it at home, so they’re used get bouncier (because it’s out of routine), so you get them out and keep them busy and repeat.

It can often start in babyhood. Out every day for a walk, baby yoga, baby swimming, baby group , baby sign language etc.I remember threads on here with people being at the park at 7 am because their toddler has been up since 5 and raring to go.

It can be a self fulfilling prophecy sometimes (same with staying at home so no judgement) , but as long as both the kids and parents are happy and there’s some balance to be found (managing to enjoy/get used to both), then it’s all good.

Yes, I think it's different for different kids. DD as a young child had a very low tolerance for excitement, and anything involving too much fun or stimulation would make her miserable rather than happy. So we spent quite a lot of time at home, doing fun home things, or preparing DD for the more fun activities and giving her recovery chill time afterwards.

Bad parenting would be constantly taking my child out, or constantly keeping your child in rather than letting them stay mostly in an environment where they are happy and comfortable and gradually stretching them to be able to cope with different experiences whether those are staying in days or going out days.

That same basic principle will look very different in different families.

Makes sense. Mine are both extremely extroverted and sociable. They love birthday parties, the busier, louder and more chaotic the better 🤦‍♀️ I see other children struggling in those environments.

Try a second kid or lack of money and you won't be so smarmy.

I’m chafing at the suggestion I’ve made them like this, but your general point that it’s self reinforcing has to be right. To be clear I don’t want them to be like this - I would like a calmer house and the ability to stay home whenever I want! They don’t like playing with toys (especially my son) which is I gather what a lot of small children spend all their time at home doing!

Exactly. It does introduce a whole different dynamic when a second child comes along, throw in a significant age gap along with SEN and then you see its not so simple.

There’s only so much baking, crafts and role play you can do in one day at home before you want to scream. For me it helps to get outside for a couple of hours a day or I feel my brain turning to mush.

Getting out doesnt have to mean exciting days out - Im a sahm to 2 preschool kids, live in a village and I don't drive but we still manage get out most days. Bus into town or nearby villages, a walk to the park. It's harder on public transport and takes a lot more planning, eg it takes 2 buses and 45 minutes to get to the soft play which is a 10 minute drive away, but its doable. We take drinks, snacks and picnics when we go out. I feel sad I can't get to better/more rural places but it's still getting out somewhere.

Of course I understand there are reasons people genuinely struggle to get out though - health, poverty ect

I’m sorry, I honestly wasn’t having a go or saying that you made them like this. You probably responded to a need , which in turn became habit and what they are used to, with possibly less time to explore what’s available at home. Which makes sense if you’re out a lot. As humans, we tend to go to what we know/we’re used to. Especially tiny humans. It was probably a lot easier for me with just one kid.

Just to say, being at home isn’t necessarily calm and peaceful. It could get pretty chaotic and messy too (part of the fun for DD) , I just embraced the mess and chaos(most of the times).

Yep!

I have 2, eldest has sen and a 3 yr age difference. It's definitely trickier getting out than with 1 baby in buggy or carrier but out we go. I have physical limitations too. However nothing is improved in our day by being couped up. Park, softplay, trampoline parks, bookbugs and playgroups when they were smaller. Swimming, cinema, just getting a train I to town, going to a family cinema showing which is discounted and getting a treat to eat on the train home is a big deal for them and doable. It was worse when eldest used to elope but at least youngest was in a buggy then.

Try a 7 year age difference and both having SEN with differing needs. Yes we do go out when we can, but often it results in one or both having a meltdown, trying run off because they have no danger awareness, and one or both begging to go home. It ends up not being a fun experience for either. Like I said, we go out when we can but we are limited. I am lucky enough to have a garden so I'd rather them play out there and know they're both safe.

Or a child with a physical disability.

Parks, soft play, trampoline parks, bike rides etc all things he's unable to do.

Yep if both had additional needs I'd be screwed! I've often said I lucked out the way round mine came as they're both at similar play levels etc now youngest is 4. Meltdowns 😱 I also have a skewed view because boredom and lack of movement are a big trigger for my eldest so we go out to avoid meltdowns! My sister had kids the same age and she stays in to avoid meltdowns. I said earlier in the thread, we parent the kids we have and sometimes that means it feels like our experience is or should be universal. Thanks for the reminder it isnt

Maybe take the kids saying they've done nothing with a grain of salt. My youngest once did a piece of writing after summer hols about his summer, the best thing was laying on his bed. All of the things that he did that tired him out and made him want to lay on his bed seemingly didn't register. Ah well.

I am currently on holiday at my mums which is the house is grew up in.
I was remembering some of the toys I had one of which was a train set which I loved. It was only small so I always wanted to get extra track for it and expand my train world.
I had a fantasy of it winding around the house out the back door and all the way around the garden. If I had done this I could have built buildings out of cardboard or wood. Added roads with Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars on.
We did do family days out quite a bit but sometimes there's part of me that would have preferred more train set instead.
I was sat in the garden earlier imagining how I could have designed my train world.
Staying at home isn't always bad.
It's what you do while you are there.
🚂

I don’t think you can entirely trust this. My dad has never forgiven me for writing an essay about “what you did over summer” when I was seven… in which I said I’d listened to my Walkman a lot, and my highlight had been eating fish and chips.

He and mum had gone with me on a huge camping trip. 6 weeks round Europe, going to museums, art galleries, touring local markets , sizzling local delicacies over the campfire, putting up and down the tent, even going to the open air opera in Verona in the millennia-old amphitheatre.

The Walkman listening had been on the road trip between places.

The fish and chips had been truly awesome, in my defense….. bought in a little Scottish village and eaten looking over the beach, after searching tick pools for crabs for two hours.

anyway, it’s certainly a shame if kids aren’t doing anything. At the same time, I think the opposite can also be true. We massively over schedule kids these days. If they are allowed to get bored, they use their inventiveness to entertain themselves somewhat. Young Teens also get very very tired and stressed through school term, and there is no other time in life they will really be able to ‘just chill’ without regimented activity…. I think that is important for at least some of the holiday time.

My brother and SIL were like this and now my niece is in her early twenties and never goes anywhere or does anything. The thing was the adults often managed to go out places on their own but just never took their daughter anywhere. It’s sad.

We are lucky and can afford days out but they are getting more and more expensive and I can completely understand why people struggle, we have been on holiday, bowling, swimming (times a million), trampoline park, theme park as well as walks, museums etc and the holidays have still felt like they have lasted five billion years (Scotland so we are back to school this week woo hoo!) I can’t imaging how long and boring it feels for people who never go anywhere.

Oh come off it, I was replying to the PP who was using being tired and in her thirties as an excuse not to take children out if she had them. She didn’t say anything about children being SEN or having financial trouble and either did the OP, these would be obvious reasons.